The Rose That Grew from Ice (Concrete)
by Torrin-El
Summary: AU Steve Rogers just a regular college agent in training well besides the fact that he is scrawny, five foot, and asthmatic. He lives his life as a regular teenager in college. He wakes up, gets his ass kicked, goes to sleep. See normal. But one day when something goes awry Steve changes from scrawny to buff. He not only catches everyone's attention but a certain red head also.
1. Hardships

I wasn't how you say ordinary. I'm special but not that good kind of special. See my life is full of action and trust me you wouldn't get jealous of it neither. My life is kind of what you call extraordinary or very ordinary it may be extraordinary. But my life was a little bit different. I would get up in the morning, eat breakfast, wake up my best friends - my only friends - , go to class, get my books out my locker, get my ass kicked, go to the nurse, get my ass kicked again, go to my room, fall asleep, and do the whole thing all over again the next day. Yeah my ass getting kicked everyday wasn't necessarily a surprise to anyone. It was like one of those things in life that you get used to and don't bother doing anything about it when it happens over and over again. It is a daily routine for me. Sometimes when the bullies aren't feeling well someone finds another guy and they kick my ass because they are bored as hell. You are probably are wondering why and how I get my ass kicked and it is a simple answer really. I'm a weak, scrawny, asthmatic teen who is in college and takes about ten to thirteen pills a day in order to stay alive.

I sat on my bed taking my medication before it was time to get ready and go to class. Getting up I noticed almost every single damn day how I couldn't reach my damn art book Bucky put up there after I fell asleep with it on my head. I really need to talk to him about it.

"Hey Buck! Wake up! It is almost time to go to class!" I yelled at him before going into the other room and getting my other only friend also. Not even bothering to even try to wake him up I walked into the bathroom and grabbed the small bucket of ice water. It was really heavy. Like this is what Bucky called my 'exercise'. Lifting the bucket over his head as the water poured over his face Thor got up slowly.

He was getting used to the ice water by now and that meant I had to find something else to wake him up. I knew he liked pop tarts. Maybe I could put pop tarts on his face every morning to wake him up.

Nah he would probably just swallow them whole and go back to sleep.

Yawning he looked up at me from his bed and smiled. "Good morning sir Steven."

"Good morning Thor." I said walking back towards our half living room half kitchen. As soon as I walked back in I looked to see a girl coming out of Bucky's room like usual.

"Good morning." I said to the girl and for a second she stopped dead in her tracks probably surprised by my easiness.

"Good…good morning." She said with a smile slowing down her pace towards the door. "I'm sorry but isn't it a little awkward by me being here?"

"You get used to it after a while." I said ducking under the kitchen counter to get breakfast.

"Your Steve right? The kid always getting beat up?" she asked.

"The one and only." I said still looking for breakfast.

"Well Steve…never change." She said before leaving the dorm room.

"Steve what did I tell you about speaking to one nighters?" Bucky asked walking out of his dorm room with nothing but shorts on with his prosthetic arm. We all know what happened. How he fell hundreds of feet to the ground during a rock climbing exercise and lost his arm. It was really tragic but at least he made it out alive.

"Just ignore them and they will go away eventually." I said in complete mockery after finally finding the cereal. Thor finally came out of his room with a white t – shirt on scratching the back of his head. It really confused me as I had the most good looking and muscular friends. Usually guys like that beat the shit out of me but I had friends that didn't. They defended me most of the time they saw me get beat up but when they weren't there I would get my ass kicked pretty bad. I would always dream of being muscular and tall and big but I knew every damn moment of my life that it would always be a dream.

"Here ya go Thor," I said throwing the pop tarts at him and he caught it with ease.

"Thank you sir Steven!" Thor boomed before dropping on the couch and eating his pop tarts with delight.

"Thor when will you ever eat anything else besides pop tarts?" Bucky asked getting some orange juice.

"When there is something better than pop tarts then yes." Thor said and both I and Bucky laughed.

I went back into my room and started packing my satchel with what I needed for my classes. Grabbing the stepping stool I got on it to reach my drawing pad. I liked to draw all kinds of stuff the sunset, animals, people, the American flag, things, and just ordinary stuff. I may be small and fragile but I do have a big heart. And that big heart wants to do so much. I need to stop because I was getting way ahead of myself. I grabbed my stuff and walked out into the living room to see both Thor and Bucky ready to go to class.

"You guys good?" I asked.

"Yeah why wouldn't we be?" Bucky answered.

"Because I've never seen you this ready before in my life." I chuckled out.

"Well my friend spring break is coming soon and I at least want to have one class I'm not late too." Thor said.

"Hey Steve did you get your inhaler?" Bucky asked. That right there was an example of what kind of relationship we had. Both Bucky and Thor cared for me in a way people never did. They took care of me. They would stop fights when I got into them. We were more like brothers than friends. Hell I don't even think we were ever friends. Thor being an exchange student from Austria he was still like a brother. He got here about a month after the semester started and for it to be three months into the semester he was doing fairly well with learning what life is like in America.

"Yeah." I sighed as we three walked out into the busy hallways of Marvel University. Everywhere you went you would see something eye catching or something out of the ordinary with us. We weren't your normal teenage kids. We did things normal couldn't do and trust me it wasn't super powers or anything. We just had a gift that we could do something more. We could be something different. We were the future. You had people doing gymnastics, fighting classes, kickboxing, martial arts, hacking into the pentagon, making disguises, building robotic suits, and everything. You may ask why the hell am I here and that is actually a very good question. I am here because the director said I am 'special'. I actually had to hold back a laugh when he told me because what is special about five foot, skinny, asthmatic, and no muscle whatsoever kid? I really don't know. Walking through the hallways I would usually think people would look at me with those seductive smirks and bright smiles but truth was they were looking at Buck and Thor. It was weird kind of. I was the loner of the school but I had two of the most attractive men by my side as my best friends.

"Hey Steve what are you doing for spring break?" Bucky asked as we walked down the hallways.

"Yes lord Steven what are you doing for the break of spring?" Thor asked and he patted me on the back causing me to almost fall forward. He was still learning to be gentle with me.

"Um…I was actually staying here for spring break." I said.

"What? That is insane!" Bucky said.

"Yes come on sir Steven. My friend Anthony invited sir Buck and I to his beach house during the break of spring." I really didn't talk to Tony and his little crew. They were the ones who were the main source of my bullying. Tony and his pompous ass made fun of me. Clint and his fat ass ego kicked my ass. Bruce usually watched when he kicked my ass not even cheering or booing just showing pity. Pepper was somewhat nice to me. She would help me pick up my books and leave without a word. James Rhodes was a cool kind of guy but he would always watch and never care. And the beauty of them all was Natalia Alianova Romanova or Natasha Romanoff. She was the talk of the town. When she did something you heard about it. She was actually the top agent here along with Clint Barton who was her 'boyfriend'. Life was a true bitch to me.

"Nah I'm…good. Besides I actually signed up for this experimental thing for spring break anyway. It is called Project: Rebirth." I said to them in all excitement.

"Anything with the word project in it I'm out." Bucky said as we three entered our technological class where we learned to use the internet to override firewalls and learn how to break through security codes and stuff like that.

I sat in the front with Bucky on my left and Thor right. I was pretty good in this class. I was actually pretty good in all my classes except in gym where we did gymnastics, search and rescue games, obstacle courses, and sparring. I had to sit out with my asthma and all that stuff.

Darcy and Jane soon came into the class room and sat beside us.

"What up testosterones, steroids, and…Steve?" Darcy said with a smile while punching my arm playfully. Darcy was sure as hell one of a kind. She was actually the top student when it came to this class and she wasn't afraid to show off her skills neither.

"Hey Darcy and Jane." I said with a smile.

"What up?" Bucky said.

"Good morning Lady Darcy and…Lady Jane." Thor said. We all knew Jane and Thor had a thing for each other. It wasn't a weird thing. It was practically normal.

"Good morning guys. Hey Steve I heard you signed up for Project: Rebirth." Jane said as we all waited for the teacher to walk in the room.

"Yeah I did. It seems very interesting in order to discover the top physical condition a human could ever be in," I said to her.

"I'm actually going to be there to help with the set up. You want to walk together to the lab?" she asked me. I was actually very flattered.

"Yeah sure." I said with a smile and from the corner of my eye I noticed Thor's hesitant and unsure face.

"I would like to come too if you two don't mind?" Thor said slightly rising his hand for attention.

"What about your beach house thing with Tony?" I asked. I noticed Jane's disgusted face when I mentioned Tony and I had to admit it was a pleasure I wasn't the only one.

"I can go the day after. I mean the project is the first day of spring break. It wouldn't hurt to visit." Thor responded.

"Boring." Bucky sang.

"I agree with the Winter Soldier over here." Darcy said looking at her phone. I never understood why Darcy called Bucky the Winter Soldier. Maybe because he survived in the winter forest for almost a week on a little expedition he went on. Yeah Bucky liked to travel a lot.

"Um Darcy you're going to be there too," Jane said.

"Yeah but I'm just there to supervise when we all know I'm not going to be supervising," she responded. Sam then came flying into the class room next to Darcy who sat next to Buck.

"Am I late?" he asked out of breath.

"If you count being here before the teacher is then yes…you are late." Darcy said.

We were all having a good time until someone had to ruin the moment by throwing a paper ball at the back of my head. I tried to ignore it but more kept coming at the back of my head until Bucky hand enough.

"Hey asshole! Would you stop throwing paper balls at the back of my friend's head?" Bucky said to the guy.

"Oh I'm sorry do you not like that or are you mad that can't throw with a real arm? Well guess what? I don't give shit." The guy said.

Suddenly Bucky got up from his seat and walked towards the guy. "Oh well let me show you what my prosthetic arm can do?"

"Agent Barnes!" the teacher yelled.

"Sir." Bucky said through gritted teeth.

"Detention today and go to the principle with this note." The teacher told him.

"Yes sir." Bucky said grabbing his stuff and walking out the classroom after giving me a wink.

"Well today class we will be learning about using a phone to hack through firewalls."

I looked back towards the guy to see he was looking at me with a smile. I knew what that meant. It meant since Bucky wasn't around and since Thor practically spent all his time with Jane that I would be alone and he could kick my ass. And no Sam could not do anything cause they usually kicked his ass too and I wouldn't want to burden him with that.

* * *

 **Later that day…**

I walked the hallways alone after saying bye to Sam, Darcy, and Jane going to my next class. Sighing I noticed the hallways were getting less crowded with people and that was a sign that my ass was about to get kicked. Slowly I took off my bag and got into a fighting stance.

"Well Rogers you know the routine," a guy said behind me. I turned around before getting punched in the face. It didn't hurt as much as it did this time. Maybe my face was getting used to the pain. When my vision finally came back I noticed it was the same guy from the class room. Getting back up like I always did he punched me again and again and again and again. Never ending punches bruised my face and body. Then I thought about it. I had to survive another four years of this.

But still I would continue to fight.

Then he hit me in my face again and I fell down. "Come on Rogers stay down. I was hoping to make this quick so Mrs. Ruth wouldn't count me late."

From the corner of my eye I saw a flash of red and green. It looked like a person but my vision was too blurry that I couldn't tell. Quickly I moved my hands around the area and found a metal plate. Grabbing the metal plate I swung it around hitting the guy in the face.

"Won't stop…never stop," I said and the guy actually looked at me in anger before ramming me into the wall. He kept punching me nonstop. Through my blurred vision I saw a person yank the guy off of me and yell at him. This person was pretty and red.

I think I was going crazy. Next thing I know everything was pitch black.

* * *

 **The Nurses office…**

I woke up slowly. My head was spinning and I couldn't breathe. Quickly reaching for my inhaler I couldn't find it on my person and I quickly panicked until it was handed to me by a brunette with a Nurses hat on her head. Grabbing the inhaler I inhaled and exhaled before doing it again.

"How many times Agent Rogers?" nurse Debby asked me with a smile.

"Until the day I die…should I even be called an agent I mean I'm no one special?" I asked her.

"What do you mean? You made it here didn't you? You know the biggest of people started out small," she said to me with an encouraging smile.

"Um…how did I get here anyway?" I asked her.

"Um I don't know her name per say but she was a cute little red head who brought you here," she said checking my charts.

 _Natasha._ Was the first name that popped into my head.

"She was a feisty one too. That guy that beat you up got his ass kicked pretty badly," Nurse Debby said with a chuckle. "I mean he was worse than you."

I actually smiled. Natasha Romanoff. A girl who never talked to me saved my ass while kicking some. But that smile left at the thought of her doing just because she pitied me. Truth is I didn't want anyone's pity. I wanted respect.

* * *

 **Laboratory…**

"Is the machine ready for testing?"

"Yeah."

"Wait what is that? We have to use this machine the day after tomorrow. I can't have it malfunctioning!"

"It is fine doc. It will probably just fade away later. Go ahead and put the serum in there."

 **So what do you think? I know this is the first chapter and things are just starting to get along but I want your opinions.**


	2. Beginning of a new age

Walking down the hallway a man in a black trench coat with a hat on made his way towards the laboratory. Slowly withdrawing the gun from his holster he opened the door to the laboratory. He examined the room carefully before quietly putting the silencer on the gun. Entering the room he made his way toward the machine. He took out the vile of liquid and put it carefully in the spot the man told him to put it.

"Excuse me sir you can't be back here."

Quickly the man turned around and shot the male scientist multiple times. The scientist dropped on the ground while bleeding to death. While the mysterious man looked at the dying scientist his phone rang.

"Hello…yes sir the vile has been put in place. The subject will experience the changes pretty quickly."

* * *

 **In the hallway…**

I was walking down the hallway staring at my map that I drew of the campus. A new class – my now favorite class – was added to some students schedule but it was in a room that was pretty difficult to find. My eyes glued to the paper while walking the hallways of this ridiculously large campus. I heard someone in front of me but I just decided they would walk the other way. They didn't and ended up knocking me down. I looked up to see a man with a black hat and trench coat. He nodded at me before continue to walk. Slowly I got up and grabbed my stuff and continued my journey.

But what I didn't realize was that my map was upside down.

Walking the way the map guided me I finally think I found the classroom but boy I was wrong. Walking into the empty classroom I found Clint standing up and Natasha sitting on the desk kissing with his hand under her skirt. Clint saw me and smiled the son of a bitch smile. Natasha was trying to force Clint's hand away from under her dress.

"Ugh…my…my apologies," I said quickly trying to leave.

"Oh I thought you were coming to get your daily ass whoopin'," Clint said. "But you're lucky that I'm kind of busy at the moment. Your welcome to join us…oh I forgot you probably can't keep up."

"Yeah you're probably right," I sighed out while putting the fakest smile on before leaving. A feeling bubbled up inside of me. A feeling of discontent.

* * *

 **Art class…**

My new favorite subject. This is where you could express your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions, what drives you, your passion and God knows what.

This is where you could express yourself when your words never could.

I usually sat in the back not even bothering to listen. Art was something that could never be explained. It was kind of like the human mind it was never meant to be studied or explained. The teacher Mr. Snyde truly got on my nerves. He thought he knew so much about art but he had never drew or painted anything in his life. Sitting in the back I waited for the teacher to give instructions as the rest of the class quickly seated themselves down.

Then I see it.

Hell no.

Hell no.

Natasha Romanoff comes towards the back and takes a seat right next to me. I just saw her having sex with Clint and she wants to sit next to me. God! Why did you have to burden me with this? I yell in my head over and over again. Before the class starts I try to quickly move away but it is too late and Mr. Asshole finally decides to start class. Slowly I sit my skinny ass back down on the stool with a humph.

"So today class I want you to draw an object – not a person or animal – but an object that represents you. After spring break you will then present your projects and give us the reason why this painting or sculpture or drawing represents you," Mr. Snyde said. "You are free to start your creations now and you can finish the rest during spring break."

The class booed but I was excited in joy that we got to bring our projects outside of school. I know I can do drawings and stuff but I really wanted to express my true artist.

Quickly with no hesitation I grabbed my pencil and started sketching the layout of my painting…or sculpture. I didn't really know what I was going to do but I knew what I wanted to draw. It was pretty easy actually. The curve of every line, the smoothness, the efficiency, the jagged edge, the way the paper seemed to flow, how the led seemed to ease off, how it seemed that your hand was just guided by the mind.

Suddenly someone was waving their hand in my face. I realized it was none other than the red head beside me.

"Hey can I borrow your sharpener?" she asked me. I blinked a little as my focused wavered between her and my drawing.

"Uh yeah sure," those were probably the first words she ever said to me and all I can say is 'Uh yeah sure'. _Dumbass_ I think to myself. I give her my sharpener and without giving it a second thought I continue my focus back on my work.

"Nice black eye." She said to me.

"Thanks if you like that my stomach is the same color too," I said in the most bored of expressions.

She actually laughed. "Guess the little guy has a sense of humor after all."

Gritting my teeth I actually rolled my neck from control. I mean I couldn't do anything to her. She was one of the top high ranking agents at this college and she could kill me with that pencil sharpener. Feeling bold as ever I responded with," The 'little guy' has a name and it wouldn't hurt to use it."

She looked at me with a stern look and I decided to bring up the courage and I looked back at her with a stern look. "I don't like bullies and I'm sure as hell not going to take shit from them."

She looked deep into my blue eyes and I caught sight of disbelief or shock that crossed her face before it was covered by a stern look.

"Okay…Steve," she said nodding her head before giving me my sharpener back.

Finally when she seemed focused on her own drawing I continued mine. Look I think the girl is pretty and all but I'm not taking shit from anybody or anyone even if they are very beautiful. I mean the girl is very pretty but I'm not all into that. I'm into someone who at least cares for the little things. Who believes every second and every little bit can make a huge different. She didn't have to be beautiful. The only thing she had to have was a big heart.

"Uh…look I'm sorry it's just that you're very beautiful but truth is I don't like you…well mainly your friends," I said to her just wanting to get the elephant out of the room. Truth is I did like her but she didn't need to know that. I mean she was a top spy and why the hell should I trust her.

She seemed to be shocked this time. Maybe she never had anyone stand up to her before with her reputation and all. "Well… _Steve_ I'm not really in the business for people to like me. I'm here to get the job done and -."

She continued her little lecture and I did everything not to keep eye contact. Looking down on the ground near her stool I realized it was clean.

That was a problem.

Mr. Snyde's room was always filled with the shavings of a pencil. He cleaned them at the end of everyday but they would always end up back on the floor. Natasha's spot was crystal clean.

"Why are you really back here…next to me?" I asked interrupting her. She looked at me with her eyebrows furrowed. "Truth please."

"I cannot have you telling people of me and Clint…" Natasha was saying.

"Having sex in a classroom? I don't care. Is that the real reason you're back here?" I sighed out. She was wasting my time.

"…yes," she seemed like she wanted to say something else but I didn't bother to even pry it out of her. After ending the conversation I went back to my drawing but I could still feel her gaze burning holes in the side of my head. I paid her no mind while continuing my drawing. She continued to stare at me while I continued to draw. Time seemed to fly by and she seemed to look at me every now and then but I was too focused to even say anything about it.

"How did you learn to draw like that?"

I looked over at Natasha who held an innocent face. She seemed so flawless. Without imperfections. It kind of seemed impossible to make such beauty. I felt my fingers twitch. That happened when I wanted to draw something that could never compare to the real thing. But you could never catch beauty like her on paper.

I seemed to have been caught in some haze because she was snapping her fingers in my face.

"Huh?" I said creasing my eyebrows and scratched the back of my head. I didn't realize I was staring at her that long. Time seemed to fly by when it came to her.

"How did you learn to draw like that?" She asked slowly and I looked at what I called 'scribble'. When I had ideas I would make little drawings of it but never compared to the real thing. The 'scribble' would be what I used as a base and I would see what I could do to improve the…'scribble'.

"Uh…it just came naturally. I never really learned I just… _did._ You know?" I said with my gruff voice. I never understood how I had this gruff voice but I also had this scrawny ass body. A mystery.

"Could you teach me?" I almost spilled the paint. Did she just ask what I think she just asked? No, no, no. My consciousness was repeating 'no' so many times I couldn't understand it if was a word or if my brain was having a seizure. I was repeating no so many times but the thing that came out was," Yeah sure."

She wrote on a piece of paper before handing it to me. It was her name, number, and dorm room. At the sight of it I didn't really want her dorm number. I was afraid that dick weed was going to be in there.

"Are you ok? You seem to space out every now and then," she said to me. Yeah I do that a lot. It was one of those results when you're alone. When lonely the mind makes things up to…entertain… or too busy itself. See my mind made up another self-conscious or I feel like I'm talking to someone who isn't real. You may ask who I am talking to but trust me I don't know either. I looked up to see her staring at me again expecting me to say something. _Shit, I'm doing it again._ I look at her real quick before continuing my gaze on the ground like I'm searching for the key to the world.

"I'm…I'm fine," I say hesitantly. Looking at the ground I gather my things before the bell even rings. She looks at me questionably and by the time I walk out the door the bell rings.

* * *

 **Later that day…**

I limped my way to lunch. Yeah I already got my can of whoop ass today. It wouldn't be a surprise if I got another. I told myself every damn day that people go through things and they don't have anything to take it out on so they turn to me. Not for guidance. Not for words of wisdom but to kick my ass. _Thank God spring break is tomorrow._

I trudged my way through the cafeteria occasionally getting hit with a tater tot now and then but I was used to it. After I got my food I questioned myself. Why the hell do I even bother getting food when people take it anyway? As if on cue somebody comes up to me before knocking the tray out of my hand. He and his posse walked off with a laugh. I looked at the lunch lady who had an apologetic look on her face. I gave her the money before cleaning up the mess at my feet. This was a normal day for me. I walked off toward the farthest table from any life form. This was my peace. _Hell this was the only peace I got_ and I was going to savor in it. I know you may be asking doesn't my friends sit with me? Darcy and Jane usually sit with nerds but today they have to start preparing for Project: Rebirth, Bucky is in detention; Thor is on the football team and has to practice, and Sam he had a test to study for in the library.

Thinking of anything to practically do than just stare into space I grabbed a book from my bag. It was a book my mother gave me before she died. I traced over the edges of the book remembering my mother who had hope that I would grow up to become something more than just what I am. She hoped that I could become something other people wouldn't dare to imagine. It was a book of inspirational quotes. I never read it I just had it with me. When I had it I felt like a part of her was with me. Finally deciding to open it dust welcomed me.

Scrolling through it I noticed quotes by Aristotle:

 _Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom_

Quotes by Gandhi:

 _Live as if you were to die tomorrow and learn as if you were to live forever_

Quotes by Martin Luther King Jr.:

 _If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward_

Quotes by Maya Angelou:

 _You may encounter many defeats but you may not be defeated_

One quote in particular caught my eye. Part of it seemed to be scratched out but not enough for me not to be able to read it. It was a quote from Tupac. I recognized it as something people abused after he died. Putting it on billboards, commercials, and all kinds of other ads for publicity.

 _Did you hear about the rose that grew from a crack in the concrete? Proving nature's laws wrong it learned how to walk without having feet. Funny it seems but, by keeping its dreams, it learned to breathe fresh air. Long live the rose that grew from concrete. When no one else even cared. No one else even cared..._

 _The rose that grew from concrete._

 _-Tupac_

It was very interesting. Something so dry and dull could breed beauty. It was pretty cool though if you thought about it. When no one cared about something that seemed like nothing it became something no one could ever compare to. It was nature in its purest form. Nature's materials were being abused by mankind and I was totally against it. Nature was meant to be preserved and worshipped. Without nature there would be no people.

My thoughts were interrupted when a kid came to sit with me. I looked him over like I usually do. It practically became instinct when I started to get beat up. He was an African by his jewelry, he was about five foot nine, he looked very muscular, had black hair, weird looking eyes, and about two hundred pounds.

"'Ello friend, mind if I join you?" Yep he was definitely from Africa. His accent was so rich and he showed no shame.

"No…not at all," I said to him with a nod. He made himself comfortable in the seat across from me and started to eat his food. He reminded me of Thor except he was from Africa. He always seemed to have a smile on his face and everything. Nothing but joy lingered through him. From my perspective he was actually pretty cool.

"Why in so much thought…um…," he was trying to say and it took me a while to realize he wanted my name.

"My name is Steve…Steve Rogers," I said holding out my hand. He grabbed it with a tight grip and I felt my knuckles pop. I noticed the jewelry on his wrist and noticed all of it looked like animal parts.

"Well Steve, why are you in so much thought?" he asked me again continuing to eat his food.

"I don't know if I should be telling that to strangers," I said with a smile and he laughed before wiping his hands on his napkin.

"My name is T'Challa," I waited for more but he seemed to stop. I looked at him to see if he was done and he was.

"That is a very interesting name but nice to meet you…T'Challa," I responded. His white smile seemed to grow bigger. His hand roamed his smooth head of hair and I realized he had an earring in one of his ears. Interesting.

"Nice to meet you as well Steven," I find this man very intriguing. The sleeveless hoodie he wears not only reveals some scars but also some arm bands. Maybe it is a thing native to his culture. I can respect that. "So are you to tell your new _friend_ about why you are so deep in thought almost all the time?"

"I think my mind is so lonely that it has developed a second self- conscious," I say looking straight in the eye. He looks unsure at first but he seems to nod in understanding. I noticed the tinge under his eye and I knew why he understood…because he was once in my position also. The knowledge that someone was talking behind your back, the thought of someone yanking your stuff from you, and also the heartbreak of being alone forever it had consequences. Once it ended it was never gone. It would leave a sort of scar that could easily be opened. Even though the scar is small it could possibly lead to you dying because of it. Eternal suffering. Knowing you are broken from the inside out because some people don't think you will ever be perfect.

No one was ever perfect. It was an illusion to the egotistical mind that they were playing God when they were so far from it.

"Noting by the faded bruises and recent bruises you get beat up a lot," he said motioning to the bruises. I congratulated him on his awareness.

"It is really a usual thing here," realization hit me. "Everyone here knows of me 'extracurricular activities' but you don't. Why is that?"

"Nice to see you are also aware," he said with a bright smile. "I just moved here yesterday from Wakanda. S.H.I.E.L.D heard of my capabilities in martial arts and acrobatics and they sent a plane to bring me here. In my country you have to learn to get around."

"Wait you are _the_ T'Challa? Son of T'Chaki and N'Yami? King and Queen of Wakanda?" I asked hurriedly. He clapped a hand over my mouth and put a finger to his lips quieting me. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit! I'M SITTING WITH ROYALTY BITCHES! I wanted to shout that from my lungs but I couldn't because he could have me executed…and could probably kill me with that spork on his plate.

"My friend not so loud. I would want people here to abuse my power," T'Challa said with a wide smile. I couldn't stop smiling. I'm sitting with fucking ROYALTY! I covered my mouth with my hands with wide eyes. I couldn't contain my excitement. Like who wouldn't be with a prince sitting in front of you. I accidently got so excited I had an asthma attack and I had to take my inhaler.

We continued about his life in Wakanda. It was very fascinating the way he described it. It was the home of vibranium, the rarest and strongest metal in the world. All of the herbs in Wakanda have some special ability. He actually told me of the herb that made his eyes look so weird. He didn't know what is was called but it was heart – shaped. In his country he was nicknamed Black Panther because of his capabilities. Sooner or later Thor, Sam, Darcy, and Jane joined the conversation and T'Challa made four new friends…technically five because I immediately knew Bucky would like this guy. T'Challa told them about his heritage and royal roots. All of them seemed to be as shocked as I was and Darcy asked for my inhaler. I also learned that T'Challa was sleeping in dorm next to mine. It was very convenient seeing as if I was going to be friends with the man. We all exchanged numbers before going our separate ways towards our classes.

* * *

 **Football field…**

It was the annual game of the week.

I hated these things. It was a bunch of cavemen (except for Thor) running around chasing a ball. I only came to these things to support Thor. As he came out of the dome at the side of the stadium he waved at us and winked at Jane. When were they going to make out already?

"What is this game of…football?" T'Challa asked.

"It's a bunch of dumbasses running around trying to get a ball," Darcy said from her position in the seat next to me. Since we weren't popular we sat in the bleachers that were less crowded therefore, we had seats all to ourselves. It was kind of cool actually.

"Thor being the exception right?" Jane asked politely.

"No he is a dumbass too," Darcy said with a nod," but he is a built dumbass."

I laughed at Darcy's comment and I continued my gaze upon the field and being who I am my gaze wondered. First I looked to see Thor gaze a touchdown and I cheered accordingly. Then I looked across the field at the sport loving jocks. Next I looked at the corner of the field to see the junkies probably smoking on the latest. Looking next to me I saw the popular crowd of people who didn't care about the game. They were just expected to be seen here.

Out of them all stood the beauty. The one who I dared to fight with. The one who could kill me in a millisecond. That red hair. Those green eyes. Her flawless face. Everything about her seemed to be perfect. Except there was no thing as perfect.

Except there was such thing as beauty being its purest form. The first time I saw her the first thought that came to mind was a rose. Now that is beauty. The red of her hair reminded me of the petals amongst said flower. Her green eyes reminding of the stem that held not only the color but thorns that were not to be trifled with. The representation of beauty itself.

Until I noticed her making out with Clint. For a moment I felt as if time stopped when her gaze met mine. Unyielding she was and persistent too. She held my gaze while making out with another man. Brave and not ashamed.

I was the first to crack as Sam was snapping his fingers in my face.

"Hey dude Thor just scored another touchdown," Sam said at me. I did a little 'woo' and looked back at the red head who was gone.

Turning my soft gaze back amongst my punk friends I thought of how intoxicating and intriguing she was.

* * *

 **The hallways…**

I was roaming the hallways to get to my dorm when someone bumped into me.

"Oh my God! I am so sorry," she yelled in a very thick British accent. I tilted my head in confusion. When someone bumped into me they didn't apologize. They laughed and walked off. But this girl was different. Not _Natasha_ different but…different. Immediately she got down and picked up my books before putting them in my satchel. Still mesmerized by her I didn't realize it when she offered me a hand up. Slowly I grabbed it waiting on her to hit me…but it never came.

"I am sorry," she said again. A smile appeared on my face. She was very sensitive but also very caring.

"No," still mesmerized by her," no it was my fault. I should have looked where I was going."

"Well it was partly my fault then. I am such a klutz," _she_ said. Not _me._ _She_ said it. During these moments people forced _me to apologize._ She then gave me a moment to analyze her when she checked her phone. She had reddish brown hair. Her lips were redder than the dress she was wearing. She was slim figured yet her dress comforted her body. Her face held so much beauty to it and for a second I almost compared her to Natasha.

I looked at her face to see she was waiting on something.

"I'm sorry what?" I asked with a look of confusion.

"What is your name?" that accent was to die for.

"Um Steve," I said rubbing the back of my neck.

"Does this Steve have a last name?" I laughed a little bit and looked away.

"My name is Steve Rogers. May I ask yours?" I said looking up at her. She had a pearly white smile amongst her face.

"My name is Margaret Carter but most people call me Peggy," she said softly with that smooth voice. Her smile was killer.

"Well…Peggy nice to meet you," I said holding out my hand for her to shake which she shook…without hitting me. My gaze upon her never faltering.

"Well I have to go and nice meeting you as well," she said before she walked off. I continued my gaze as she walked off.

She was amazing.

* * *

 **The office…**

"Do you have information on what is going on?"

"I went to our secret base in Costco and learned that there is a threat coming our way. A brother of one of our students has…issues and he seemed to have started something bigger than we can ever imagine," Coulson responded to him.

"Hydra? Red Room?"

"No sir none of those…unfortunately. They seemed to be the tip of the ice burg sir. This threat seems to be… _external,_ " Coulson said looking up at the ceiling. The man also looked at the ceiling before looking at Coulson like he was crazy.

"Extra freaking terrestrial?!"

Coulson nodded," What would you like me to do sir?"

He sighed. "Protocol H.O ROUGH registration."

"…Avengers Protocol sir?" Coulson asked not knowing if he heard him clearly.

"I Nicholas J. Fury activate Protocol H.O ROUGH registration…or as you call it…the Avengers Initiative Protocol."

* * *

 **Gym…**

Those sons of bitches.

They did this on purpose. The sons of bitches did this on purpose. I was close to going to sleep or at least trying to but they had initiated THETA protocol. It was a protocol that could get you kicked out of the school if you didn't do it…or in my case…attempted to do it. THETA protocol was when all the agents had to be tested. For what? I don't know they never told us. Most of the agents would pass like they normally did and maybe get accepted but that was a whole other story when it came to me.

Yep it was confirmed.

This was my personal hell.

"Nervous over there Virginia?"

I looked over there to see none other than the infamous Anthony Stark with his 'clan' beside him. You may ask why he called my Virginia and that is because I'm a virgin. Everyone here had either slept with someone or a lot of someone-s. It was like a ritual or something to do in college or before college. I was nowhere close to being near that so he called me…Virginia.

"No…I'm terrified," I said with the most bored expression I could muster up. I was sleepy and tired and I truly didn't want to deal with his shit at the moment. He was about to respond probably with something only a jerk would say until his friend came up and whispered something in his ear. He looked at me before walking away.

We had to do 'tests' to ensure how value we were to S.H.I.E.L.D. I thought it was bullshit. I knew there was a reason behind this. Every time they ensured THETA protocol a couple days later some of the agents would be missing. My theory – personally – was that they would test our capabilities in order to form a dream team. I believed that there were threats out there normal agents couldn't handle and they needed the best on the job. I observed that they didn't have test for the brains. It was all muscle. How stupid. I understood they wanted the best but not stupid. Just because someone looked like they took steroids didn't mean it increased how smart they were.

There were three tests to ensure our capabilities, Stealth, Fighting skills, and Strength. Like I said…bullshit.

Thor of course being the big guy he is crushed it on the fighting skills and strength. But stealth was another story. Instead of not being noticed by the robotic guards he immediately got noticed and just started to run over the test simulated dummies like a fucking bulldozer.

Bucky excused from detention in order to do this was pretty good in all of them. Girls watched in awe as he lifted the two – hundred and fifty pound wall and I had to admit it was pretty bad ass. On fighting skills he got a little banged up but he managed to beat the level. During stealth he easily took out the simulation robots without being noticed.

The new student – and my new friend – T'Challa he practically broke the high score (if there was one). On stealth he practically got pass all the simulation robots without laying a finger on none of them. Fighting skills he didn't get a scratch on him. Strength he took less than five minutes to finish. And he was royalty. Damn what was not wrong with him?

Jane and Darcy killed it on stealth but in fighting skills and strength it turned into a train wreck. Jane got through half of the strength simulations and her fighting skills she acted on instinct. She wasn't actually that bad. Well she wasn't bad enough that she had Thor and many other men staring at her. Darcy on the other hand got through only one strength simulation and practically tased all the robots during the fighting simulation with a taser.

Sam he did fairly well. He failed stealth but he did kick ass in the fighting simulation. He also did pretty well in strength lifting almost all of them except for the last few. Sam looked more like a running kind of guy. I mean by the way his feet moved every time he was doing something he looked like he had the speed for it.

Then it was there turn.

Of course Clint and his fat ass ego went first out of them. He beat stealth with a smile on his face the whole time. He crushed the fighting skills like it was nothing. He got through majority of the weights but failed to lift the last two. Bruce, Pepper, and James Rhodes went next. All three did pretty well in stealth but when it came to fighting skills Bruce did poorly, Pepper did manageable, and Rhodey tried hard but got knocked on his ass to many times. The strength test came too quickly for them. Bruce was able to lift a quarter of them, Pepper was able to lift half of them, and Rhodey finished by matching Peppers score. I had to admit she was one tough woman.

Natasha. What could I say? She eased through that obstacle course like it was no big deal. She finished stealth in less than a minute. She kicked all the robot's asses. She was able to lift most of the weights but when she couldn't she jumped over them instead. God what could this woman not do. The way she moved and how smooth she did it did nothing but mesmerize me but me _being me_ knew she couldn't give a damn about me.

Next up was the information junkie himself. Tony fucking stark. The egotistical bastard didn't know what 'nice' was. Of all of my journeys I learned how to manipulate where he would be so I could avoid it. I know, I know. I'm not a wimp I just don't like bullies. My mom before she died wanted me to get in less fights as possible but soon enough trouble started finding me. And its name was Tony stark. Sometimes I wondered if God did this to me on purpose. What did I do to suffer so much? First my father dying cause of drugs, second my mom dying because she grew to weak and sick, having to be the scrawny little bastard I am, or having to constantly be aware when someone wants to kick my ass. What did I do?

That was the million dollar question. And it has been for ages.

My attention was soon brought back when I noticed something coming towards Tony. It was coming in pieces until it started attaching itself to his body. It was silver and eye catching. All the students stared in awe as the pieces started to form a suit around his body. An iron suit. Everyone knew Tony was a genius when it came to building things but why did ego have to combine with brains.

During all of the simulations he wore that suit and it enhanced his ability. It enhanced his stealth. It enhanced his fighting skills and it enhanced his strength. He passed through all the simulations with flying colors because of that suit. I was currently wondering if that was even legal.

Then it was my turn.

Silence dawned amongst the crowed and all you could hear were the laughter and the annoying sound of people making fun of me. That only made me want to prove them wrong. Of course me being me and how small I am I killed it in stealth. Silence. Then it was the fighting simulation. I stood there awkwardly waiting for the drones to emerge from their cage. I said a little silent prayer like my mother taught me before the drones emerged from their cage. God they were bigger in person. They stood still before me and as I attempted to hit them with the little force I possessed the drones started to act. I got in a defensive position I learned a long time ago as they started to thrash about and beat the shit out of me. I wanted to something…anything but I felt like I was holding myself back. Doubt was something in the mind mixed with fear. And fear could take hold of anything.

Once I was really bloody and bruised they ended the simulation and the scary robots walked away. Instead of silence like before laughter could be heard amongst the crowd. I shrugged it off.

I was used to it.

Next the weight lifting. I laughed a little bit. I wasn't lifting up shit. You know the good thing about being me? I have a dry sense of humor and after a while you would develop an imaginary friend in your head so you won't be alone.

 _Ah the life_ I sighed happily with a wry smile. I walked towards the weight walls and tried my luck.

With a smile on my face I tried to lift the twenty pound wall. It wasn't easy but I got the job done after about twenty minutes. Then I went to the forty pounds. It took me half an hour to lift that up and then I knew I was done. Walking off the stage I sat down in my seat and wiped the sweat off my head. I looked to see everyone staring and looking at them in irritation I said," What?"

* * *

 **An hour later…**

Defeat.

A word put to shame among my family. We didn't necessarily believe in it. We believed in trying…and trying again until the word became a memory to our ears. I didn't feel defeated. I felt like there was a force out there that could stop me. Maybe stronger than me. But sometimes I had to remind myself that no one is invincible. Even if they seem unstoppable.

"Did you see that? He didn't even get through half of the simulation," the infamous Tony stark said to Clint. I was standing right behind his dumbass. Ignoring him I continued to pack my bag.

I mean why the hell is he even here," I heard Tony said. Then suddenly something broke. And before I knew it my life would be changing forever.

"Shut the hell up _Anthony_ for God's sake, "I knew I hit a nerve when his jaw ticked.

"No one calls me that anymore," Tony said through gritted teeth as he clutched his fist at his sides.

"Well apparently I just did," I said with a slight grimace.

"I swear Rogers -," I interrupted him.

"What? You going to get Clint on me huh? You going to get someone to scare me into an asthma attack? Are you going to get one of your robots on me…huh? When are you going to man the fuck up and do it yourself!?" I asked. I really did not know where that came from. Maybe I was holding back a little more than I thought. Or maybe that second self-conscious was worse than I thought. By that time I had the attention of everyone on the right side of the gym.

The vein on his forehead seemed to be protruding and he seemed to be holding back. I tilted my head wondering why. Why was he holding back now?

"What? You got something to say? Cause I sure as hell don't hear you. Does anybody hear him?" I asked and all of them shook their head with their mouths agape. Bucky then came up next to me and tried to interrupt the show. I pushed him back a little. I needed to do this. I needed to get this off my chest or I would be in the dark forever and my anger would be pent up like a caged animal.

"At least I got through the whole course," Tony said.

"Oh you did? Cause the only thing I saw was a machine. Hey. At east I had the balls to do it without a machine for assistance. I have a question…is there anything special about you other than your brain?" Maybe I took it too far right there because next thing I know is Tony's suit moving to pick me up. I couldn't move in its iron grip.

Things started to go downhill fast. Jane and Thor had left a long time ago. Darcy needed T'Challa to help her with something. Bucky had to immediately go back to detention after his trials. Sam was the only one who could help me and Clint knew that. Therefore, Clint started to beat up Sam. There was no need to scream because I knew no one would care. There was no need to fight back when it was an iron man. I strained my neck to see practically anything to show a sign of where I was.

"Tony I don't think we should be doing this," Bruce said following closely behind Tony who had nothing but a somber look on his face showing no signs of emotions whatsoever.

Tony stayed quiet in response. Roughly he opened the door to the lab as the Iron suit walked in before asking," What should I do with him Master Stark?"

"Put him in the machine," Tony said motioning toward a green machine with a yellow hole at the front of it. I swore for a moment at the bottom of it I saw some red liquid and a foot.

"I do not think that wise Master Stark. I sense a lot of gamma radiation in this area -," the machine was interrupted.

"JARVIS put him in the damn machine!" Tony yelled. Without hesitance JARVIS put me in the machine and before I could get out it closed on me. I saw Bruce go around the machine and I heard him say something. Tony was too busy setting up the machine to even contemplate what he was saying.

"Tony this machine doesn't look stable," Bruce said.

"Do I look stable?" Tony asked and Bruce eyed the veins in Tony's neck and head twitching. He was mad. Suddenly someone bust through the door of the laboratory. It was Thor and T'Challa.

"What are you doing to Lord Steven?!" Thor boomed as he started to run toward Tony alongside T'Challa but was stopped by JARVIS. Without hesitation and without warning Tony started the machine. All I could feel was pain.

"Tony what did you do?" without realizing it Bruce's hand got stuck on the part of the machine that released gamma radiation. Where Tony stood the wirings and controls were starting to explode and it sent loads of shrapnel into Tony's heart.

"Tony!" Bruce yelled. He attempted to go near him but he couldn't. His hand was stuck and it started to get bigger and greener.

At the moment Thor and T'Challa were being choked by JARVIS. There was so much power being given off that JARVIS's system started to crash. On instinct Thor tried to grab something in order to beat the robot but he was then electrocuted by the malfunctioning JARVIS. Thor was then dropped on the ground and he lie there unconscious as sparks started to come off Thor's body. JARVIS's grip tightened on T'Challa's neck and it was like his body was containing the electricity given off. Soon both JARVIS and T'Challa fell.

I saw the scene play out before me and I screamed for help but it seemed so far away. Pain started coursing through my body and it felt like it started to increase. The only thing I could see was a bright light and all I could feel was pain…and power. My muscles started to crackle and pop. My spine seemed to start stretching. My legs and arms were hurting the most because they seemed to grow bigger.

And in a flash I saw something. I saw four people. One was wearing a red cape with a hammer, someone else was wearing a red and gold suit made of iron, one of them was barely even wearing clothes as he had on blue spandex shorts, and one in particular was wearing a very patriotic costume with red, white, and blue. They all seemed to look at me through the light.

Next thing I see is pitch black.


	3. Welcome to SHIELD

What happened? Why do I hurt so much? God, my arms feel too heavy to lift and my legs don't want to lift me up. Quickly I tried to just heave myself up so I could just get it over with. With accordance I swung my arms and legs sleepily before pushing myself up. I soon regretted it. My room was starting to spin and head felt so disoriented. Once I regained control of my senses I looked around my room. Everything was same as it was before but today just felt so different. Was it because there was barely anyone here because it was spring break? Nope. I was used to the loneliness. The quietness though was a little new to me. Something then started to buzz and snapped me out of my sleepy haze. It was my phone. I grabbed it even though my arms felt like I was lifting one hundred pounds. I looked at the blurry screen to see I have twenty new voicemails and thirty texts. Most of the voicemails were from Jane, some from Darcy, a few from Bucky.

I pressed one of the voicemails and I regretted it. Jane's blaring voice resounded in my room. _"Steven Grant Rogers! Pick up your damn phone right now! You were supposed to be at the seminar last night! No one has seen you since! Where are you!? You –"_

A beep interrupted the voicemail and I couldn't help but thank God…wait what did she say?

 _You were supposed to be at the seminar last night!_

Hastily I looked at the calendar on my phone to realize it was Wednesday. What have I been doing for the past four days?! No, no, no, I ran out of my room, phone in hand only to see nothing but emptiness. Quickly and hastily I read through all the text messages.

 _Bucky Barnes 10:32pm – Saturday_

 _Dude where are you? Have you seen Thor or the new kid anywhere?_

 _Bucky Barnes 11:10pm – Saturday_

 _Is this some sort of prank? I haven't seen anyone since Friday. Where are you? You're worrying the shit out of me._

 _Darcy 12:00am – Friday_

 _Hey punk where are you?_

 _Jane Foster 1:22pm – Sunday_

 _Have you seen Thor? I have been looking for him everywhere. Also have you seen T'Challa? Or Bruce? He was supposed to be helping me set up for the seminar._

 _Bucky Barnes 2:42 – Sunday_

 _Look I'm not playing anymore. Where the fuck are you and Thor?_

What the hell happened four days ago? Why was everyone looking for me when I was right here? What happened over those four days? The rest of the text messages were mainly the same but they were in caps. I have to go see them before they start destroying the world in order to find me. Why were they looking for Thor also? Was he feeling the same way as me? Quickly I sprinted to Thor's room only to find an empty bed. What the hell was going on? Maybe it was a misunderstanding or something. Maybe something happened and I got in a fight and bam! I get whacked. I looked at my body to see no bruises but eight very distinctive marks below my collar bone. My fingertips ghosted over the wounds. What the hell was this? Needle marks covered the area below my collarbone. When I put pressure on it hurt. So they were recent but they were quickly fading.

My phone beeped again. I looked to see I had another voicemail but it was from another number I didn't recognize. I hesitantly tapped on it and smooth voice flowed through the room.

" _Hi…Steve, I wanted you to know I was coming by today. This is the only day of the week I am available to work on the project at about two o'clock. Call me back…Natasha."_

My mind went into a somewhat shock. How did she get my number? I totally forgot that she asked me to work on something with her but I can't remember what it was. I rubbed at my head which started to hurt profusely.

"Ugh," I whispered hoarsely," Why is my life such a bitch?"

Wait did she say two o'clock. I looked at the clock and winced. It was one thirty and knowing she was one of the top SHIELD agents she was going to be here on the fucking dot. Quickly and hurriedly I put some clothes on, brushed my teeth, brushed my hair, and tried to act look decent. When I was looking in the mirror while brushing my teeth I noticed my eyes were red and I also had bags. I must've been through shit cause I looked like a freaking zombie.

1:50

I had about five minutes to clean up something. Something. Yeah there was nothing to do. The living room and kitchen was clean. My room was especially clean but she sure as hell wasn't going to be in there. So I decided to take a break and watch some TV.

Or take a nap…

" _Shit, what happened here?"_

" _Oh my God! What happened to this guy!?"_

" _There all still alive…this one though is barely breathing. What do you want to do sir?"_

" _Knock, knock"_

I quickly jerked up at the sound of someone knocking at the door. With my vision hazed I padded my way to the door and opened it. I don't anything on this world could have prepared me for what I say. She was gorgeous obviously. Whoever thought she was beautiful was an idiot.

She was G.O.R.G.E.O.U.S.

Gorgeous.

Even though she was just wearing leggings, boots, and a red long sleeve shirt. I knew a lot of guys liked her. She took satisfaction in the way men looked at her, using their control against them. I refused to give her what she craved. Once she knew it her eyebrow lifted in challenge and a smirk graced her lips.

"Can I come in or do I have to watch from here?" I refuse to let the smile I hid show. Slowly I stepped out of her as a way to let her in. Cautiously and as gracefully as humanly possible she stepped in the room. I stared at her as she looked around the room. She was taking note of her surroundings, noting possible exits, possible weapons, and other possible people in the room.

"You don't live alone?" She asked quietly.

"Uh no I don't," I simply answered and walked to my room to get the supplies. Slowly she followed behind making sure to survey everything she passed by.

"May I ask who lives with you?" she raises that perfectly curved eyebrow when she notices my room.

"Yes you may," all the words that are coming out of my mouth are so blunt and vague I'm afraid she might cut me.

"Who lives with you?" she asks with a smirk, a playful and challenging one of course. I'm looking around the room for anything, everything, that I am supposed to be looking for. Wait what was she doing here again. "Hello?"

"Yeah I heard you."

"Aren't you going to answer?" she asked and her curiosity makes me smile.

"I said you can ask but I never said I would answer," I muttered hoarsely to her. I spared her a quick glance to see her reaction only to see her head thrown back in laughter.

"Smartass."

"…Um what were we doing again?" I ask. I totally forgot why she was here? Why did she need me? Why was I here? What was I doing? Quickly I stood tall and turned towards her. The action seemed to startle her and her body tensed.

"The art project? You were to aid me," she said and roamed her fingers over the books scattered across the room.

"Uh yeah," I sighed. I attempted to take a step forward but as soon as I did my head started to feel heavy and I lost my balance. Quickly my hand reached out toward the drawer next to me to catch myself.

"Are you alright?" she took a hesitant step toward me.

I halt her movements before muttering," I'm fine."

She seemed to be unsure at first but soon she took a more confident stance and continued to roam my room. She made sure her finger tips ghosted over every object she encountered of course when she reached the book my mother gave me my muscles flexed and my eyes flashed daringly," Stop! Don't touch that."

She stops quickly and looks at me questionably. She's looking for an answer she will never get. Hastily and quickly I grab my pencil and sketchbook and walk out the room. Of course my movements are followed by an agonizing pain in my head. I ignore it and man on.

Obviously she notices the hesitance in my movements but chooses to say nothing.

"What do you want to draw?" I ask and she stares at me for a moment. Slowly I sit down on the couch, every single one of my movements monitored by her, and look back at her. She sits down and I she looks like she's speaking but I am not paying her any attention. My head is hurting and my muscles are starting to pulse with pain. Where is an aspirin when you need one? Her mouth is moving but I can't hear anything she is saying. My thoughts empty, my muscles pounding with excitement, my head piercing with pain, my eyes and ears sharply focused on what? Nothing at all. My eyes zoned in on at nothing at all, my ears focused on the sound of silence, my nose tried to smell anything worth wild, and my arms pulsed with the soreness of pleasure. Everything seemed to stop spinning and my sight just seemed to grow taller. Suddenly I feel a heat on my arm and I realize she is touching my arm. She is looking at me expectantly and I lift my eyebrows up in question," I'm sorry what?'

" _Steve_ are you ok?" she asks and her green eyes that bore into mine seemed to go on forever.

I felt high.

My senses were straining, literally. My eyes focused on her face, my ears straining to hear her heartbeat, her breathing, the tip of my mouth tasting like metal, my nose focused on the distinct perfume she is wearing, and my grip on the couch gets tighter.

"Is it getting hot in here?" I ask and I retract from her touch.

"No…it's not," she seems to follow me.

I sigh before quickly standing up. Scratching the back of my head I look hastily around the room. Something is wrong. Something is different. My back is starting to spasm and my muscles are burning a raging fire.

"Can we do this later? I'm – I'm not feeling well," I say to her softly.

"I can't –"

"What about Sunday?" I interrupt her and I wince at my tone. At that she just seems to stare at me. I mean I would be staring at me for God's sakes. What is going on? Everything hurts. My muscles feel like they got the work out of their life and my sense got a major upgrade.

'Yeah sure," she answers and looks around uncomfortably. She runs a hand through her flaming locks and suddenly I can smell her shampoo. She was so intoxicating. I'm sure part of this was her fault. My mind in mindless thoughts of her and me. Why so bluntly? My brain is just so lax. Yes she definitely needs to leave.

"Um I will see you Sunday yeah?" I said it more of a statement than a question. I make my way to my room and without a second glance I tell her," Lock the door on your way out."

The door slams shut after me and I slid against the wood. My breathing is starting to grow uneven. What is happening to me? My heart beat started to slow down and my temperature was dropping at a very fast rate. Was I dying? No impossible. Suddenly my hearing focused on her. I suspected she would leave since she never gave a damn about me.

I heard the door creak open and close suddenly but I could still hear her beating heart and shallow breathing. She was acting like she was leaving. That only meant she was sent to spy on me or she was worried…

Well let me analyze. She barely knows me. She called me kid. She was one of the top members of every class, why did she need my help in art?

Yep she was freaking spying on me. Anger surged through me but then concern. Why was she spying on me? Who sent her to spy on me?

My thoughts were interrupted when my head started to pound with an unforgiving pain. I held back the urge to scream, not wanting to let Natasha know of my pain. My ears zoned out from her and went back to normal. Suddenly I felt a pulsing on my arm. My veins were bulging and something had lit up. I looked closer to realize something was in my arm.

A fucking micro – chip.

I grabbed the sharpest object around me and hesitantly started to cut the chip out of my arm. In the process of doing so I heard footsteps coming closer to the door. _Hell no._ Quickly, while still cutting the micro – chip out of my arm, I painfully get up and shove my dresser in front of the door.

"Steve, are you ok? I decided to come back and help you."

 _She was good._

But I'm not stupid.

"Why would you want to help me? You don't even know me."

Haha, throw her off track in order to have time to save my own ass. Through the pulsing and unrelenting pain I pulled the micro – chip out and crushed it under my shoe. I heard a whispered 'shit' from the other side of the door. Damn it. Her phone must have been tracking the micro – chip. A sarcastic chuckle resounded in the room she was in.

Haha did I spoil your plan? Apparent – fucking – ly.

She knocked on the door softly and I winced at the pain flowing through my skull. "Well now you have an opportunity to make a new friend. I'm Natasha –"

She was very persuasive but I was very ignorant.

"Alright, alright," I sighed," Let us cut the bullshit shall we?"

I hear a hoarse chuckle over on the other side of the door and a sigh. "You're better than I thought Rogers."

"What made you underestimate me?" Curiosity took the better of me. Slowly I stood in a standing position and looked out the window.

"You're too forward." She said and I laughed.

"You mean I was the first person to talk you down?"

"Talk down? Hell no…but you were the first to try and the first to almost succeed," she muttered and I could hear the interest in her voice.

"Wow, don't I feel special," I looked closer out the window. Something was wrong. Slowly and softly I walked up to the window. This wasn't my window. This wasn't even my room. It was a copy of it. The spot on the side of the bookshelf where Thor and Bucky carved their initials was gone. The small hole in the wall where used to converse was gone. This wasn't my room and this wasn't my apartment. It was a set up.

"Natasha?" I ask and I stare out the window I know is a one sided mirror daringly.

"What? Are you ok?" Her concern was a fake but it would fool anyone else.

"How did you know what room I was in?"

Checkmate bitch.

"All report to section 1 – 279! I repeat report to section 1 – 279! Mission has been compromised!" Natasha yelled into what I assumed to be a comm. By the time the alarm was blaring I had broken the false window only to see a dark hallway with SHIELD agents wandering about.

"Hi," I said breathlessly to them while ignoring the pain. I jumped over the window seal and ran. I don't know what was happening. I don't know what weird shit was going on but I was practically flying. My feet were so fast it was like God had given my feet wings.

Damn I was fast.

I was getting faster and faster by the minute. Suddenly I stopped. No, no, and no. That wasn't possible but it did make sense. My feet came to a halt and I stared at what was before me.

Thor, Tony, Bruce, and T'Challa were in there room also. Of course it was a stage but apparently they didn't know it. Tony was still asleep, Bruce was also asleep, Thor was talking to a fake me, and T'Challa was getting quit suspicious of the situation. What was going on? Why was this happening? What was happening to me? Suddenly the pain I had forgotten about came bursting through.

"Ahh," I sighed but before I could wrench another scream from my mouth I heard thundering footsteps behind me. Damn it. They were chasing after me. Before I could think I acted on instinct and started to bang on the window that held T'Challa. If I warned him he could warn the others. Yeah that was my plan but before I could do it someone tackled me.

"Stay down!" A woman yelled and quickly straddled my back. This wasn't Natasha.

"Get off me!" I struggled. The more she held me down the closer those big guards got to me. Nope. Sure as hell couldn't let that happen.

"Steve," I looked up to see Natasha in all her beautiful glory," Stop fighting. You will only make it worse."

"Your definition of worse is very different from mine," I muttered. Soon enough a needle was stabbed into my arm and the last thing I saw was her.

 **30 minutes later…**

I woke up abruptly. My arms flailing in any and every direction to find a weapon I could defend myself with. Before my arms could go anywhere a hand snaked its way up my arm. Soothingly, methodically, gracefully, and hot against my cold skin. _Natasha._

No, it wasn't her.

It was Peggy.

She was in this too? Was she working with Natasha? Uh my brain was in a bitchy mood. I didn't want to process this shit.

"He woke up."

"Yeah two in a half hours before he should."

"Yeah when someone gets hit with that high of a dose they shouldn't wake up that quickly."

Whispers, all around me. I could hear every single one of them. I don't understand how though. This room was about a hundred twenty four feet wide. I could hear some of the agents on the other side of the room. Soon enough I felt a presence beside me. A strong presence with a stronger one beside it.

"Hi. You are Steven Grant Rogers? Am I correct?" the man beside me asks. Five foot eight, African America, eye – patch, slight muscle build, defensive position, and a respectful presence. This man might be challenging.

"You should know. I mean you are the one who captured me," I wittedly respond. Looking beside him I notice the red head I was looking for. I knew she wouldn't be far after the incident. As I looked at her I noticed she was looking at something else. Someone else. She was glaring at Peggy. I don't know exactly why but it was a type of glare that could kill. Peggy on the other hand was looking at her proudly.

"That I am," My attention was brought back to the man.

"Why am I here? What is happening to me?" I ask hurriedly and he looks at me with a smirk.

"Before I answer any of those questions I need confirmation," He started to walk away with the two beautiful agents in tow.

"Bring Agent Thompson in here," The man with the eyepatch said into the microphone. The area around me suddenly cleared and the room got suspiciously quiet. I was starting to become pissed with all these vague answers.

"Hello? Can't you hear? Why the hell am I here and what is happening to me?" I ask but I get no answer. Only the sound of sliding doors open. Of course I choose not to turn around because I know there is going to be one big ass mother fucker behind me.

"Shit," I sighed and looked at the mysterious man with the eye patch," If I die today can you make it a small funeral. I don't have that much family and the ones I do have barely care so…yeah. By the way…I hate you."

Slowly turning around I looked at the six foot man who is smiling which I presume where my jokes.

"Are you going to make it hurt badly?" I ask.

"I will go easy on you," he says.

"You are a good man," I sigh," Go ahead and get it over with."

He nods before punching me in the face. Over and over again. His gigantic hand resounded against my skull and my brain felt like it was in a pickle jar. Punch after punch after punch. I didn't try to block it cause I knew it would be useless. His hands were too damn big if I tried to block it he would possibly break my arm. Grabbing me by my hair he held my bloody face up before punching me about seven feet back from my original position. Damn this guy was strong. I wanted to get up but my arms hurt and my head was almost beaten to a pulp.

Agent Thompson proceeded toward me and I attempted a smile.

"Your definition of easy," I spit out some blood," is torturous."

"You are funny little man," the bigger man said before continuing his assault.

Kick. Punch. Kick. Knee. Elbow. Punch. Head butt. Blood covered almost every part of my body and all I could taste was iron. All I could feel was iron. The soreness of my body weighing me down, feeling like I was lifting weights, it was excruciatingly painful.

"I think that is enough," Natasha whispered to the mysterious man but he didn't acknowledge her," sir."

"Give him five more minutes. He is doing fine," the man responded and Natasha gritted her teeth. Anger was boiling in the pit of her stomach and she had to fight the urge to stop the fight herself. She had to. She was ordered not to. She was fighting the boundary between good and bad here. Should she do it to save him? Should she not do it so she won't get fired or demoted? Looking at my almost lifeless form I could see the hesitance in her eyes. Nope. She was done. Wiping her hair from her face she was about to make her move when something happened.

I don't know how it happened either but my hand just sort of shot out. The room that was once silenced was filled with gasp and Agent Thompson froze from shock. I did too but as soon as I had the advantage I quickly got back up. I don't know what ran over me but I was moving fast and strong. Curling my hand into a fist I put almost all the force I had into it and aimed it toward Thompson.

Thompson went flying all the way across the room.

"Damn."

"Damn," I whispered.

"Damn," the mysterious man whispered.

"Damn," Both Peggy and Natasha whispered.

Quickly another agent on the outside ran up to Thompson and checked him.

"Uh he just knocked Thompson out," the agent said.

"With one punch?" All eyes flew to me including my own. My body. What could I say? It was huge. Every muscle humanly possible was pronounced. My arms were bigger than my head. My thighs and hips were straining to every single muscle. My abs and chest were ripped. My veins bulging and pierced through the shirt that threatened to rip if I moved.

"Holy mother of God."

With a speeding stride both beautiful ladies walked towards me. Out of breath, and a little bit off kilter I could barely tell which one was which but that was starting to quickly resolve. I was healing. Already.

"Are you ok?" Peggy asked.

"I'm – I am more than ok. I am _amazing_ ," I breathe out. They are both staring at me in shock. Well mainly my body. Lost in thought Natasha just reaches out and touches my chest. Of course I'm to confused on what is going on to notice but Peggy does and tries her hardest not to pay any mind.

"Haha! Please escort Agent Thompson to the clinic," the agents did as told," Now that I know I didn't waste my time on you…My name is Nicholas J. Fury and this is SHIELD. Welcome."


	4. Beginnings

**Steve's POV**

I woke up.

Everything was hurting. Soar, cramps, just pain. _What the hell happened_? My brain asks me. I respond with _you hold my memories why don't you figure it the fuck out?!_ I get a jagged pain in the back of my head for that. My body refuses to move and the pain overwhelming me succumbs my body to numbness. I can barely even open my eyes. I try to replay the events of yesterday but my brain refuses to remember. Part of me enjoys it. It enjoys the pain. I don't exactly know why but it sort of reminds me that I am alive. I am here. I…exist. It gives me some semblance that I may be invisible but I am _here._ I somewhat _welcome_ it 'cause I know it is something I can take.

Suddenly I feel a cold hand on my forehead. I don't know how to react but my body does for me. I grab the wrist with immense speed and pin the body underneath me. My eyes shoot open. How the hell did I just do that? That quickly though? My brain couldn't even process the situation before my body took over.

"Are we going to stay like this all day or are you going to get off me?" A voice asks.

I look down with wide eyes to see a familiar red head underneath me. "Natasha! What the hell are you doing here!?"

"The question should be…Why the hell are you still on top of me?" Natasha stated. I looked at our form. Legs tangled, chest against chest, and hand on hand on the side of her head. My eyes widen with the speculation.

"How did I just do that?" I breathe out with a laugh. My eyes travel around the room. I can see everything, words on a piece of paper, a hole, a speck of dust. My ears perk at the sudden thud of something. It is thumping at a pace. I look down at Natasha and realized it was her heart. "Oh my God!" I exclaim.

I put my ear to her chest only to hear the loud thumps of her heart. Then it got a little awkward. For her mainly. I was too in the moment to realize what I was doing but I didn't miss the intake of breath that escaped her.

"Steve…" She breathed. My head immediately jumps up, unaware of her uncomfortableness, but when my head does shoot up I catch a whiff of something.

"You wearing perfume?" I ask. "Gucci?"

She looks at me incredulously and I burry my nose into her neck. "Yep, definitely Gucci."

" _Rogers_ ," She demands my attention and my head shoots up. I look at her with wide eyes, wondering, expecting for her to say something until she does. "Get the hell off me."

I look at our position again. She is straddling me, our fingers are intertwined and I can't help but feel the softness of her fingertips on my skin. I opened my mouth to mention it but immediately closed it, realizing she probably didn't want to hear it. She holds the weight of my hefty body against hers and I can imagine how it feels like.

"Sorry," I say with a small smile. She nods and I get up off of her. I stand there awkwardly as if waiting for something to happen when I realize that the ground is farther from my feet. "What the -?"

My arms feel heavier. Same goes for my legs…and the rest of my body. I look toward the mirror and my jaw drops.

I'm staring at this really sexy guy. He is six foot three, short hair, blue eyes, big ass muscles, blonde, strong jaws…

…

That's me? I run my hands over my body to realize that whoever that sexy man is, is me. He is me. I am him. _Oh shit._ My mind is racing at the sight of this muscular me. This must be a dream. This has to be an illusion. This – this isn't me. My muscles can't be that big. I can't be that tall. My cheekbones can't be that sharp. My hair. _My hair!_

I smack myself multiple times to make sure this wasn't a dream. _Smack!_

It sure as hell ain't a dream.

"What the hell did you do to my _hair_?!" I ask. Instead of the hair being curled down like it usually was it was cut. It was trimmed down into a small Mohawk with the sides of my head shaved. I start pulling at it and when I do I realize that she also dyed it. My jaw drops. She took it too far.

She doesn't say anything. She just stands there staring at me. Or stares at the wall behind my head. I shake my head and a question suddenly pops in my head. "Why are you here? Not to be rude…it's just that I don't remember anything."

"After you changed into…that…you passed out. The change took a toll on your body for a moment so it needed time to recharge. The machine you were found in had bits of gamma radiation. You are lucky Mr. Banner had absorb most of it –"

" _I'm_ lucky? What kind of inconsiderate shit is –?" She interrupted me and my eyes flashed angrily.

"And _he_ is lucky you absorb some cause if not he would be dead. His body was able to handle some of the radiation given off. If you hadn't taken some during the process he would be dead," Natasha said and backed up a little. I noticed the step and the anger that seemed to overflow seeped away.

"What about the others? Thor? T'Challa?...Tony?" I ask immediately. I didn't like Tony but I didn't want him dead. No one hated Tony Stark more than I did but he got the worst of the blow. I witnessed as shrapnel was sent flying into his chest, near his heart. If he hadn't survi -. I'm not even going to go there.

"All of them are fine," Natasha reassures. I sigh in relief. I mean who wouldn't be happy their best friends and enemy are alive and healing? I wonder if what happened to me happened to them. It can't be. I was the only one in the machine.

"Ok," I say adjusting to situation," What is today?"

She sighs and leans against the bookcase. "Today is Sunday."

"What happened while I was-?"

Suddenly there is a soft knock at the door. My hearing automatically zones in on the heartbeats waiting outside the door. Their breaths are heavy and they are shuffling a lot. I walk towards the door but Natasha halts my movements and puts a finger to her lips. She softly makes her way toward the door and she puts her hand on the doorknob –

"STEVEN FUCKING ROGERS! IT'S POLICE OPEN UP!"

I put my hands to my ears and fall to my knees. The ringing flows through my ear and scrapes at my brain. Natasha runs toward me, gun in hand.

"Are you alright?" She asks and I bare my fist onto the floor. I am _a little_ agitated but I don't let it control me. Well I thought I did. I was staring at the door with daggers. My muscles burned with the desire to break it down and kill the person on the other side. All I can see is red and my face and body begin to heat up with the rage. Anger is flashing through me and I'm attempting to control.

Suddenly I feel cool hands on my face. They force me to look somewhere and I look to see green. Forest green that seem to go on forever. My finger immediately reaches up and traces over the plump under her eye. She doesn't flinch away from my touch. Her skin is so cold. Like an icepack. I need an icepack. I need one badly. Especially one with lips as red as hers, eyes as green as hers, hair as fiery as hers, a face as perfect as hers.

Suddenly I hear her pleading my name, begging for anything to show that I was with her. That I was here with her.

"Steve," She said and soon someone breaks down the front door. My body is doing it again acting as if my mind is just there for decoration. I pick up Natasha and vault over the couch. Immediately I poke my head out to see who it is.

 _What the hell?_

Two brown headed woman walk into the room, holding up some sort of weapon.

 _Darcy and Jane._

I shoot up immediately and their eyes shoot towards me and that's not the only thing.

They shoot me.

With a taser.

I fall to my knees but I don't go down. My muscles are tensing at the electricity coursing through my body. I grit my teeth through the pain. From the corner of my eye I see Natasha attempt to vault over the couch, gun in hand. _No, no!_ "No! Stop!"

I was able to overpower the electricity and get in front of Natasha. She was about to pull the trigger but I was too quick. I got in front of the barrel of the gun while also getting in front of the taser.

 _Damn._

I got shot another time by Darcy and Jane. I purse my lips and roll my eyes before falling to the ground.

"Who are you!?" Jane demands and I look at her with misunderstanding.

"What the hell- wait," _Shit._ I totally forgot that I had gotten an…upgrade. I laugh at the situation before holding up my hands. They walk dangerously closer, taser in hands. I know I'm not going to get anywhere with the taser in their hands. I try to summon my inner…whatever the hell I turned into. I close my eyes and squeeze my fist.

"Um, sir, what are you doing?" Jane asked and her head dipped.

"He looks constipated," Darcy whispered to Jane before addressing me," Sir, are you constipated?"

 _It is not working for fucks sakes!_

I breathe out a puff of air and give up. This. Is. Bull. Shit. I sigh and look at the two women who are looking at me with nothing but curiosity. I hold my hands out in defense before getting up slowly.

"My name is…Steve Rogers," I mutter.

"Who?"

"Jane, Darcy it's me Steve," I say to them and they look at me incredulously.

"Your two feet taller than he is, you weigh more, you're sure as hell stronger than he is, and he sure as hell wouldn't wear his hair like that," Jane commented and I winced at her tone. It was true. I looked like the guy that would beat up scrawny Steve.

Hell, I looked like the guy that ate Steve for breakfast and his twin brother for lunch.

"Um, ok…ask me anything Steve would know!" I shout by accident. I'm just too excited.

"Does Jane have a tattoo? And if she does where?" Darcy asked quickly and Jane looked at her.

"She does have a tattoo. It is a lightning bolt on her ass. I saw it that day when Jane got dumped and got drunk off her ass…literally," I say and Jane looks at me in horror while Darcy looks at me with a smile.

"He's Steve. He is the only one that saw it when you asked him to paint your ass," Darcy said and raised Jane's shirt up. Jane smacked her hands away before turning her attention back to me.

"One more question. Steve…he has a scar from a long time ago…how did he get it?" Jane asked and I seemed to pause. My mind went back to that moment. I tried to stop it but I couldn't.

 _He busted through the door with little effort. She slammed her head hard against the bookshelf. He ran down the stairs before taking sight of what was going on._

" _Run! Steve! Run! Go!"_

 _Crying. Pleading. Begging for any sort of mercy. "You have to go! I love you so much."_

My face turned somber. I had nothing to say about it. I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to speak about it. I didn't want…I wish I could have done something. Dammit. My mind kept bringing me back to that moment. To that moment when time seemed to stop. Options. Options. So many options but you are forced to do one.

Run.

I lifted my shirt up and revealed the thing that kept me bound from any sort of happiness. The thing that kept haunting me at night. The thing that kept my demons by my side. The thing that held me back.

The scar.

"I – I really don't want to talk about it," I muttered under my breath. They barely heard me but they understood. I didn't dare look at the thing. It held so much. If I looked at it, it would bring back everything that I didn't want.

"You're Steve -," Jane was whispering before Darcy's blunt voice echoed through the room.

"What the hell have you been taking!? Is this a new drug or something? Damn! You are huge!" Darcy yelled before lowering her taser and running up to me. I couldn't help the smile that graced my face. Even when I was in the dark she would always unknowingly pull me back into the light.

Her hands started to roam my new found body and I started to laugh. "OMG! You have full grown man pecks! And you have _washboard_ abs! I mean you are ripped! You're like seven feet tall! Your arms are bulging out of your shirt! And your ass looks like it is struggling to stay in those pajama pants! And OMG your man tits are bigger than mine and Jane's combined!"

I laugh at Darcy's excitement. Suddenly I remembered my house guest.

"Natasha."

Darcy's hands stop roaming and she backs up slowly.

Jane looks at me confusingly. "Steve…who are you talking too?"

I look at them with furrowed eyebrows. "What are you talking about? She – she was here. She _is_ here."

"I think there was something else in that drug if you know what I mean," Darcy whispered to jane who stepped cautiously towards me. This doesn't make any sense. She couldn't have passed me I would have saw her. I jog towards my room to see that she is not in there also.

"No, no, no. I swear she was just here. She – she was about to shoot you and I stepped in the way," I explained.

"Steve…there was no one here. There was no gun. And Natasha, _Tony's_ friend was not here." This wasn't making any sense. She was here. She was pinned underneath me. I should have remembered that. She. She I swear she was here. Suddenly thoughts. Memories swarm my head.

" _Put him under," The mysterious man, Fury, said. Natasha's head shot up and so did Peggy's. "Tranq him with enough morphine to put down three elephants."_

" _Sir, what are you doing?"_

" _We don't know what he is capable of. You saw what he just did. He is unstable and partially filled with gamma radiation. I'm following protocol on this one. Put him down," Fury demanded and his agents began to advance toward me. Including Natasha and Peggy._

 _Shit. I close my eyes and wait for the impact but it never came._

 _Why? You ask._

 _Because my hand caught the impact. The dart the agent shot at me. It was in my hand, not puncturing it. I had caught it. With my eyes closed. They hesitated in their steps. And I looked at the dart in my hand and my mind automatically threw it towards the closest agent. I didn't know what the hell was going on but my mind and body obviously knew what they were doing. Quickly tacking the opportunity of their distraction I darted towards them._

 _Big guy, bulky, six foot two, scar along his right shoulder. Aim there._

 _I was like lightning. I dodged his punch before aiming under his arm. Taking the opportunity I forced my elbow down on his shoulder. He went down crying._

 _One was brave enough to actually touch me._

 _Five foot five, two eye colors, medium build, favors left arm. Go for the right._

 _He swings brutally. I dodge every single one. He kicks I catch the foot and pull. I break his leg before bringing my own leg up and kicking his right side multiple times. He goes down. Passes out from the pain overwhelming him._

 _Someone pulls out a blade. Five inch, rubber handle, new. Six foot, skinny, muscular, fast. Use his speed against him._

 _He is quick like my mind predicted. He swings the blade wildly, he knows what he is doing. I back up with every strike he tries to deliver. He is too busy focused on what he was trying to hit than rather than what he was hitting. That explains when his next strike hits the crevice of the wall._

 _Strike now._

 _I punch his shoulder while his grip is still on the knife lodged in the wall. His shoulder dislocates. Stomach, hip, back of knee, middle of the chest, thigh, throat. Hit all of those areas._

 _I did with lightning fast speed. He cries with the pain as I hit those specific areas. I partially paralyze him. Before I know it he is on his knees. I jump in the air and kick him in the face, knocking him out._

 _Suddenly I heard the safety of a gun click. I turn around to the barrel of a gun and the beautiful woman standing behind it. Natasha._

 _Five foot four, green eyes, red hair, hand-gun…_

 _I couldn't see any weaknesses. The gun in her hand aims between my eyes. She is close enough that I could disarm her. What then? It could provide a moment where I can look for any weaknesses. I sigh._

 _Disarm her._

 _I grab her hand and spin. I knock the gun out of her grasp while also knocking her a few feet back. Damn did I regret that? I look at her more clearly now. She is in a perfect stance. Her arms grace her side and her face shows nothing. I can't find anything about her that would give anything away so I move to her form. Her legs, thin and strong. Don't get near them._

 _Advantage – I have more muscle. I can predict her movements._

 _Disadvantage – She is graceful. Her legs are strong but fast. Has no injury to abuse. Shows no weakness…_

 _And is brave enough to take me on._

" _One day," She whispers to me. And my ears focus on the gun. Quickly I look behind me to see Peggy wielding the tranq gun. I walked towards her but she had already shot five darts into me. She looks at me, expecting me to go down but I didn't. I trudge towards her with heavy steps but before I could make it all the way I fall to my knees. Last thing I see is red before black grace my eyes._

" _Sir, what do we do with him?"_

" _Contain him till the Doctors come and test him. After that set him free, although I do want him monitored 24/7."_

"What is today?" I ask suddenly.

"Monday. Why?" Everything was kind of coming back but with blank spaces. Spring break was over. Soon enough I stopped worrying about my own ass and remembered Thor and T'Challa.

"Where is Thor and T'Challa?" I ask.

"I don't know. I saw them both earlier but I don't know where they are now," Jane comments. I look at the clock. 12:50. It was lunch time.

"I think they were heading to the dining hall," Darcy says.

"Let's go meet them there. I'm a little hungry," That was understatement.

I was starving.

"What about – What about your current form?" Jane asked and motioned with her hands to my built body.

"Time to re-introduce myself," I respond until something else registered into my head," Why did you two yell police when you were trying to come inside?"

They kept opening and closing their mouths like a fish. Well, mainly Jane, Darcy was staring at me with her bored face. "Because we didn't know who was in here. I mean you could have been a burglar. Why would a burglar open the door for two women? It's called common sense…and breaking and entering."

 **Later…**

I walk the hallways with a hat on, Darcy and Jane by my side. I hide my face. It would surprise how fast word would get around if Steve Rogers the asthmatic, five foot kid grew about one foot and two hundred pounds of muscle. Half of them probably wouldn't believe it. The other half would be unpredictable. I sighed. This was going to be tough.

I looked up for a moment to see where we were and I saw something. Someone. Natasha. I pause in my tracks and my glare hardens. She was there, talking to some random person. Her eyes met mine and she smirked.

" _Why are you hiding?"_ Her voice whispered in my ear. I looked back up to see it wasn't Natasha. It was some blonde woman. But the blonde woman was smirking at the sight of me eyeing her. I rolled my eyes and picked up the pace.

The same happened with multiple women while on the way to the lunch hall. They each whispered different things. They all put me on edge. Jane and Darcy didn't necessarily notice but they did notice my whispered shits and fucks. She was haunting my mind and I didn't know how to get rid of it but I did have a theory.

Confront the ghost herself.

We walk into the dining hall and my eyes immediately roam the room. Thor, Sam, T'Challa, and Bucky are there. They are looking at me with peculiar faces. I scoffed. They are worried for Jane and Darcy. But I keep my eyes trained on them. Thor looks the same. He looks exactly the same and the same goes for T'Challa. Except I notice T'Challa has some new tattoos. That is all that's different about them. Weird. I get a full upgrade and they look exactly the same.

My gaze soon flows to the other side of the room. I see her. Not Natasha but Peggy. She is eating alone and my body jerks in that direction but I hold myself back. I wasn't mad at her. I was just confused and I wouldn't know what to do when I go over there. I sighed when I looked at her. She looked so innocent but I knew she could kill someone with that fork in her hand.

Soon enough my gaze started roam the room wildly for the one and only red head that was beginning to piss me off. I was looking in every corner before I found her. She was at the 'popular' table. I scoffed at that bullshit. Tony and Bruce weren't there obviously. Even though I was just looking for her my eyes roamed the whole table. Pepper, Natasha, and Maria were talking along with James and Clint. As soon as everyone of them were cleared my eyes shot towards her. I was surprised to see she was reciprocating my gaze.

" _Have you been looking for me?"_

She doesn't mouth the words nor does she whisper it. It just flows into my head. I grit my teeth and she smirks. Her gaze never falters and mine doesn't either. She is challenging me. It was one of those challenges that is quite. It is implicit. Fine if she wanted a challenge I would give her one. Clint notices this but by the looks of it he doesn't realize who I am. He puts her hand on her leg and begins to kiss her neck. I immediately turn my gaze away. To him it was a game and to her it was a challenge and only one could come out as the victor. Two of the top agents in this school against me? I was beginning to regret my decision.

"Steve, you want me to get your food? While you go break the news to the guys," Jane asks. She breaks me out of my haze with her.

I sigh and a smile graces my lips. "Please. And Darcy would you mind too?"

Both of them looked at me weirdly. "You want two meals?"

"Yes, please," I say and take off in the direction of the table. Thor, Bucky, Sam, and T'Challa look at me with threatening gazes. Immediately my brain takes over and I have no control over it. They are in a somewhat threatening pose and my mind assumes the worst.

 _Five foot nine, African, a little bulky, scars along his right arm, favors his left side even though right handed. Juke left blow and hit under his arm._

Stop.

 _Five foot eight, prosthetic arm, black hair, slight build. Break off prosthetic arm._

 **Stop.**

 _Six foot, blonde hair, big build, strong but not fast. Use his strength against him._

 **STOP.**

The next step I take cracks the floor a little. Some people notice it and stare at me. I give them a side glance and my fist clench. Finally I make my way to the table and sit without asking them. They all turn their bodies toward me.

"Hey guys," I mutter to them.

"Who the hell are you?" Bucky asks. I smile at him.

"You might not recognize me. I grew about a foot and a little extra muscle," I whisper to them. I lift the hat up a little so they could see my face.

"Steve?" T'Challa. Out of all of them I'm not surprised he is the first one to get it.

"The one and only," I say before stealing Sam's apple. I was really hungry. Like really, really hungry. He looks at me, frozen. Shock covers his face. All of their faces by that matter.

"I don't believe this bull," T'Challa says.

"You lost your arm hiking in the snowy mountains, T'Challa you are African royalty, Sam you run slow, and Thor you have a thing for Jane," I say and take a bite out of Sam's apple. Soon I steal his sandwich.

"Anyone could get this information from anyone in the school," Sam says and his hand grasps my biceps. This was easier than I thought. I looked at Bucky who had this weird face. His elbows were on the table, edge of his seat, and his eyes trained on me. He was staring at me intently with those Brown Buchannan eyes. If anyone could tell if it was the real me it would be him. Before my parents died we hung out all the time. He would come to my house. I would come to his. When my parents died his parents let me stay with them and after that him and I became brothers. Our bond was solidified. We were nothing without the other. Well, I was usually nothing without him. We couldn't be separated. You trifle with one of us you trifle with both of us.

Bucky looked me over one more time before saying," It's him."

All of them looked at him as if he was crazy and I nodded at him.

"How do you know for sure?" They ask and I look at him, curious of what his answer will be.

"Because he is with me…," He said while looking me straight in the eye.

"Till the end of the line," I say and he smiles.

"What happened to you, dude?" Sam asks.

I look at Thor and T'Challa expectantly and they look at me expectantly. Their memories have been wiped. Jane and Darcy make their way towards us but I keep my gaze locked on to the two.

"You don't remember do you?" I ask hopelessly.

"Steve, what are you talking about?" Thor asks and it takes a moment before my head shoots towards him. He never talks like that. He always says 'Sir Steven' and that is when I knew shit was up. I eye him suspiciously and his eyes keep darting to his neck. My eyes go to his neck also and I see a necklace. Looking more closely at it I realized that it wasn't an ordinary necklace. It was sticking to his skin a little. Eliciting a little shock to his skin now and then. It was a monitor.

Same for T'Challa and they looked at me hopelessly.

So they did remember but someone permitted them not to speak.

"Don't worry guys…I don't know what happened but I am about to find out," I whisper.

As soon as Jane and Darcy sit down I look at Natasha who is exiting the dining hall. I practically jump up with anger before jogging towards her.

She is out of the cafeteria by the time I catch up with her.

But I don't see her.

I swear she was just -. Another mirage or hallucination I suppose. As I turn around to exit the empty hallway I hear something. Immediately my body turns around only to slam someone into the wall.

Natasha.

Or what I thought to be Natasha. I hope it was because this would be awkward. Soon enough it starts. My mind and body start to do shit without my consent. My eyes dilated and started to focus on her. Same goes for my other senses. My ears strained to listen to her heartbeat, the one that was so similar to the one I heard this morning. Her eyes green as the forest bore into mine. Her skin as soft as silk against my fingertips and her smell. It was strong. It had to be her. She wasn't freaking out or nothing. She was calm.

Yeah it was her.

"Recognize me don't you?" She asks with that annoying smirk. "I can't imagine their being _another_ me."

"What did you do to me?" I growl as soon I realize that this is really her.

"I don't know what you are talking about," She whispers with fake innocence. She tries to push past me but she obviously underestimates me. I grab her by the wrist and slam her back into the wall. I roll my neck before bringing my attention back to her.

"I am really getting tired of your bullshit."

"Are you? I can't tell," She says stoically. My fist flinches uncontrollably and before I know it, it slams into the wall near her head. I pull it out only to reveal a whole. "You going to pay for that?"

"What did you do to me?!" I'm about to snap. My mind is trying hard to find any weaknesses but it can't. I could break her. I could torture her but I wouldn't get farther than I was now.

"I didn't-"I interrupted her.

"This 'I didn't do shit' bullshit is getting on my nerves. I know you're lying. It is kind of a hard not to see it. If you don't want to tell me fine but leave me and my friends out of it," I say to her in the most threatening tone I could muster up. From the corner of my eye I see her finger about to press something on her wrist. I scoffed at it. If I was to go AWOL she would press _a_ button alerting SHIELD.

"You know that's not in my power, Rogers," She warns.

"Well then make it," I demand and she seems to be taken aback. I sigh," Look, I barely know you and while I was knocked out you probably read over my files. I don't care what SHIELD is doing. Hell, I barely care what you are doing as long as you leave me and my friends out of it. I didn't choose to become this you know?...I was fine with my shitty life before all this."

I motion to my ridiculously huge body before going towards the cafeteria door. She looks at me with soft, kind eyes but I barely notice. As I am about to walk away she grabs my wrist and my head shoots toward her.

"Wha-?" I look to see her gaze flash somewhere to the side and I look to see what it was. A man. With official SHIELD gear walks near us and nods at Natasha before glaring at me.

Six foot, big, bulky, bald, tight suit, slightly blind in his right eye. Hit right side. While blinded snap neck.

…

Wait, what?

Woah, woah. My thoughts have never gotten that brutal before. It was always knock out hits. This was kill. Killing. I shook my head and it soon _attempted_ to correct itself.

Six foot, big, bulky, bald, tight suit, slightly blind in his right eye. Hit right side. While blinded knock out.

Mhmmm.

That is what I thought.

I watch as he walks away, I wish to look away but I can't. My body won't let me. It holds me still. Holds me to the position I am until the man has turned the corner.

 _You're safe but wait a couple more seconds._

I did. Natasha was eyeing me with an intense gaze but I didn't care necessarily. As long as I-she was safe. Slowly I tore my gaze and for a moment I seemed to take on a more confident pose and calm demeanor.

What the hell was happening to me?

Part of me wasn't in control. Something was wrong. I didn't feel like me more anymore. I felt like I was locked inside my head and _someone_ else was controlling.

"Who was he?" I ask. More like some stranger controlling my body ask.

"What is it of your concern?" She asks and eyes me wearily.

"…Nothing. Just curious," I take back control. My breaths are heaved slightly and she notices. Dammit. Dammit. Something was wrong.

 _No shit._

"Ok," She nods her head. Her hand still holds onto my wrist, tightly. She looks around cautiously before getting on her tip toes and whispering in my ear," Meet me after curfew…in the gym."

"…How can I? I mean it is curfew," I whisper back. Her breath hitched against my neck and she laughed a little before kissing my cheek. Her lips ghost over my cheek as she takes the weight off of her toes and back onto the ball of her feet.

"I know you will find a way…You are _very_ persistent," She winked before walking off.

 **Art Class…**

The principal/director/asshole made me go to at least one class today since I was 'sick'. I assume most of my teachers were told about the absence but there was one question was roaming my mind.

Who was I?

People would soon begin to get curious about who I was. I mean I am going to a school with a bunch of spies. And soon enough people would start questioning where Steve Rogers went. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. I did not think this through. I could either lie or tell them the truth.

 _Tell them the truth._

Why?

 _Make it easier. This school has the file of every student in here. If someone were to check it out you wouldn't have shit to back it up._

I made my way to the seat in the back with my head down, keeping my eyes away from any life form. Well it didn't seem the same for the other kids in the room. They kept staring at me, the new me. Some looks were curious, some were confused, and some were luscious. I winced at the eyes that seemed to go lower that influenced my feet to walk faster and soon my ass planted itself into my seat.

"Hey dude," Someone was tapping my shoulder.

Five foot eight, brown hair, blue eyes, little build, still developing in fighting, majors in stealth. Easy takedown.

I look at him with bored eyes and he smiles.

"Are you a new kid? I didn't hear of any transfers," The man says to me and I shake my head. He looks happy to meet a new friend but that's probably just his personality.

"No…No, I'm not," My gruff voice finally matches my body. I cheer inside my head. The small victories.

"Who are you then?" Curiosity overwhelms him and I can't help but indulge him.

"I sit here every day…Next to you. You always threw paper balls at my head when the teacher wasn't looking. Sometimes you would 'accidentally' spill paint on me. Sometimes when you were playing with your idiotic friends you would spill paint on my own painting," I told him and no emotions betrayed my face. But I couldn't say the same about him. He was in shock, awe, just staring at me.

"Stev-Steve-Steve Rogers?" He stuttered and his eyes traveled my body.

"I didn't think you knew my name," I say with slight confusion," You always called me shorty."

"Dude, dude, what happened to you?" He asks and his voice shakes.

I scoffed at his question before leaning in and whispering," I fought _back_."

" _He didn't get pass the course!" He laughed._

" _Shut the hell up, Anthony, for God's sakes!" I yelled at him. This was the moment Steve Rogers finally had enough._

"I didn't know you could be so intimidating with such little words," A voice from beside me said. I could hear the smirk teetering across her face.

"Didn't know I was," I commented but didn't tear my gaze away from the front of the class room.

"You sure about that? Your blue eyes looked very threatening," I threw her a side-glance warning before resuming my gaze on the front. I was a little pissed off at her right now. I demanded answers. She told me to wait _after_ curfew to meet her. I don't even know if I will make it.

"Do I detect a hint of anger?" My cheekbones flex. She smiles. "I do."

"I'm not ready to talk to you until tonight," I say and my gaze still doesn't reach her.

"Ooh," She said," I totally forgot."

"No you didn't," I grunt before reaching down and grabbing my art supplies. Before I became _this_ no one wanted to pay me any attention. No one wanted anything to do with me.

I didn't exist.

 _It's time for that to change, buddy._

"Hey," Her voice seemed to get softer," Look at me."

I clenched my jaw before looking at her with angered eyes.

"If I had the _choice_ to make this easier and simpler for you I would," She said and her green yes bore into mine. I didn't know to believe her or not but part of me, part of me believed was trying so hard to tell the truth. All the lies she told, all the deceits couldn't compare to this one truth.

"But you can't…Can you?" I ask her. It might have been a little hurtful but it's the truth. Facing the façade is easy but facing reality is hard. I should know because I dealt with it almost all my life.

"Good morning class! I know you must wondering who this mysterious man is teaching your Art Class but I am your new teacher! Mr. Kelvin! Your other art teacher had sort of 'retired' or more likely got tired of teaching this class!"

This man is full of excitement.

I could tell because his loud ass voice was ringing through my ears.

"I am aware that he gave you all an assignment! Well I want to encourage that assignment but also extend it. You have till the end of this year before Christmas break I want you to create a sculpture, a painting, a drawing, something that screams you!"

I knew what screamed him.

"And I swear if you give me a piece of shit, like, for example, a square, you are going to attempt to re-paint or re-create every art project in this class! Art is supposed to be natural. It is supposed to free, flowing, everything but forced! Art is creating _something out of nothing!_ All of you are here in this specific college for a reason! Because you had a talent, because you weren't normal! I want you to transfer that weirdness into art!"

This man was a genius.

 **Later…**

I was sitting on the bleachers with my art journal in my lap. It was a free period and I decided that I just wanted to draw. After Natasha left I went back in the cafeteria with my cold lunch on the table. After I told everyone of what happened they kept staring at me for the reason I knew to fondly. They were trying to get used to my new _form_. My new body. What they didn't understand was that I was completely the same…

Except two inches taller.

Two hundred pounds heavier.

Heightened senses.

And a-

You know what? I don't need to list _all_ of them. Ok this was bullshit. I was fine. I was fine. I was perfectly fine. I sighed. Who the fuck was I kidding? I wasn't fine. That was a load of bull. I have all these hidden abilities or actions that I haven't gotten used to yet. I haven't even gotten used to my size for God's sakes. Maybe I should-. Truth is I don't know what the hell I should be doing. Should I or should I not visit Natasha after curfew in the gym? That's what this was all about. Well partly. I barely knew the woman. The only thing I knew was that her name was Natasha and she was a spy that worked for SHIELD. Not SHIELD the college. No, SHIELD the organization behind the college.

Something was still nagging me though. This morning (or more likely a day ago) me and Natasha had a conversation. It was about…

Shit.

I had learned basically nothing but the obvious bullshit. Dammit! I should have been smarter. Basically the whole conversation was about what I knew and that everyone was going to be fine. Dammit. Dammit. Dammit. We just went over the same shit I knew about and whether the others were ok.

I may be naïve but I sure as hell ain't stupid.

My thoughts were interrupted when a woman decided to join me. I slightly raise the blue hoodie off of my head and look at her.

"May I join you?" She asks. I eye her over.

Five foot six, slight build, reddish-brown hair, red lips, high heels, leggings, jacket, knife strapped in jacket. Remove weapon then sta-. Then knock her out.

She looks at me expectantly and I sigh before looking back at my not finished drawing.

"Free country isn't it?" I ask and she laughs.

"Depends on what you mean by _free_ ," She admits before sitting down. I was sitting on the bright side of the bleachers with my legs straddling the bench, hood covering my head. It was getting colder every day. I don't know why.

 _Maybe because it's almost winter dumbass._

Fuck you.

"So what did you want?" I don't look at her. I continue to look at my drawing and from the corner of my eye I can tell she is staring at me.

"Just to talk? Hangout?" She looks at me with a sly smile and my attention drags down to her lips. Her very, very red lips.

Before I know it the words slip from my mouth," God, you are beautiful."

"I kno-…Wait. What?"

For a moment my heart stops and my breath hitches. I shouldn't have said that. Why? Oh why God did you curse me with this mouth? It doesn't seem to help. It makes all the situations worse. I sigh.

"My brain to mouth function is a little fucked up at the moment," I say to her.

"I think it is perfectly fine…and thank you," She mumbled and with my new heightened sense I was surprisingly able to hear it perfectly.

"So I'm assuming you spies are all the same eh? If I ask what happened I'm going to get the same response I got from Natasha," I say to her and her eyes shoot up to mine when I mention Natasha. She looks me up and down and adjust her position in front of my legs.

She scoots closer.

Damn. Damn. Damn. Did it get hot out here or no? Good God, it's like fifty five degrees out here and I'm hot. What kind of shit am I on?

"You talked to Natasha?" She asks and soon I'm the one that looks her up and down.

"Yeah…I've been kind of having these…hallucinations of her," I say and her face turns a little dark for a second. Part of me thinks there is some kind of shit going on with her and Natasha. Some kind of rivalry I'm assuming? I mean they both act dangerously hostile around each other.

"If you ever need _anything_ just asks me. I will make it easier on you," I felt like there was some sort of ulterior behind that statement. As soon as she said it my eyes dilated slightly. Was this a normal human reaction or was this a… _me_ reaction? Good God, Steve, you need to shut the hell up.

"So…you want to tell me what happened?" I asks.

"Ooh…I wish I could, love, but that is confidential. If I told you I would have to kill you," She says with a slight smile. I laughed at her statement before I realized she was serious. I laugh a little harder at the thought.

"It would be a failed _attempt_ ," Was I seriously flirting with her? She smirks a little.

And was I seriously good at it?

"Oh, really?" She asks with smirk gracing her beautiful face.

"Really," I confirm.

"Challenge accepted," She whispers and a smile makes its way on my face. She seemed to be reciprocating my _flirtatiousness._ She was very beautiful. I don't know how many times I've said it but it was true. She was gorgeous. The light reflected over her lightly tanned skin while also turning her lips into a vibrant red. Her smooth skin was slightly covered in goosebumps from the cold. Should I or should I not?

I mean I was really hot. I just didn't want people to see my hair.

Hesitantly I took my hoodie off and handed it to her. She looked at me with a weird facial expression but I didn't care. As long as she was warm I was perfectly fine. She took it, eyeing it for a moment.

"I just got it today from the College Store or whatever the hell it is called. Right now I'm wearing Thor's clothes. I haven't necessarily had the chance to go shopping," I say to her as she puts it on. As expected she eyes my hair. Soon my mind was racing with 'Does she like it or no?'.

"Would you like me to take y-?" Before she could finish her sentence a brown thing began to fly towards us and my mind took over.

Brown, one foot, half-a-pound, thirty-five miles per hour, coming directly towards Carter. Jump like a fucking bunny rabbit and catch it.

My body was next to take control and before I knew it was jumping in the air. One of my arms was outstretched, my fingers slightly grazing the bleacher as I used it for balance. My body on the other hand was fully in the air. Time seemed to stop for a second before going to its full speed. I felt something in my hand. A ball. A football. My head shot up to see where it came from.

"Sorry!" Someone yelled from the field. I totally forgot that they were having football practice. Steroid-induced jockeys run the field with football gear on, preparing for the next game which is about two days away. I have never seen them practice before because their asses are too cocky to practice. Our football team the Marvel Heroes had a record of 20-0.

After the ninth game they were and I quote 'Too good to practice'.

You know what I said to that…

Bullshitty to shit, shit.

In those exact words.

"They are going against DC Vigilantes if you're wondering why they are practicing," Peggy said to me, dragging me out of my thoughts.

My attention shoots to her. "The 'infamous heroes of the night' as they call it right?"

"Yeah. The their team is 21-0. Practice every day including when it's raining. Nothing stops them including their quarter-back Bruce Wayne," Peggy commented and suddenly I realized that her face was above mine. What? I remember growing about two inches so how is this possible?

Oh.

I was lying in her lap somewhat. After I jumped up in the air I kind of landed on her. My back rest on her lap and my legs dangle off the bench. I shoot up and start to stutter words I don't even comprehend. I'm assuming apologies? I don't know. I'm talking too fast to comprehend the words coming out of my mouth. She wants to smile at my ridiculous ranting but keeps her face stern till I finish.

"…I am so, so sorry," I finish with a heavy breath and when I am done she begins to laugh. My eyes come together in confusion. She is laughing. She, Peggy Carter, is laughing. At me. Wasn't it awkward? Or was it too forward? Too intimate? I had learned for it to be awkward when I pinned Natasha underneath me. When I did her body went rigid underneath me. She stilled. She tensed. Her heartbeat began to take a quicker pace.

But this wasn't Natasha.

Good God, I sigh.

This woman is amazing.

Soon enough a smile breaks through my stoic face. Her laugh is amazing. It flows from her throat to her lips. It is very melodic. It is also very…soothing in a way.

"I am sorry it is just that…you become flustered very quickly," She said as her laughter began to die down. I soon missed the sound of it.

"Well, Steve, I must go," She says and looks at her phone. She gets up and I catch her hand. The contact sends a shock of electricity through me.

"See you later, yeah?" I ask so desperately it sounds pathetic. Rogers, get a hold of yourself for fuck's sakes!

"I mean I will be seeing you later right?" Shut. The. Fuck. Up. That sounded even more pathetic.

Screw this, just walk away! You are ruining the moment!

 _Ugh, I am so done with you._

"Yeah, definitely," She says before giving my hand a slight shake before leaving. I watch as she walks away. Thoughts didn't roam my head as much as it usually did. She was gorgeous. Intelligent. Smart. Beautiful. Amazing. Beautiful.

Wait I already said that.

Anyway there was no reason not to like her but only two reasons.

First I don't know a single thing about dating.

Second…I sigh…she isn't Natasha.

 _First off you have no chance in hell or if the world ended with her. Second you have a perfectly good-looking intelligent girl that seems interested in you that she didn't overreact when you were looking up at her breast. Third…you get the card you're dealt._

 _So suck it the fuck up._

I hate it when my smartass brain was right.

"What's up, dude?" I look up to see my other friends. Darcy, Jane, T'Challa, Sam, and Bucky. Thor was down there playing with the jocks.

"Hey guys," I say to them in no excitement at all. They each take a seat around me, their bags falling heavily to the ground. Darcy puts that bag behind her before falling back and laying her head on it, Jane sits in front of me where Peggy occupied but a little farther away, T'Challa was sitting above Darcy with Sam next to him, and Bucky was doing the same as Darcy but a bench lower than the one I was on.

"You want me to interrogate him?" Bucky asks Jane who continued to stare at me.

"Nah…I got this," She says before tapping her hands against the bleacher we sat on," Who was that girl?"

 _Oh shit!_

 _We've been spotted._

 _ALERT! ALERT!_

 _ABORT MISSION! I REPEAT ABORT MISSION!_

 _Take deep breaths. In…out. In…out._

"I don't know who you are talking about," I say and continue to draw.

 _There ya' go! Act confused. I don't know what you crazy people are talking about._

 _It's all a blur._

 _Who? What? Where am i?_

"We can see right through your lies Stevie boy," Darcy sighed," This process could go a lot smoother if you start talking."

"Good Cop, Bad Cop eh?" I ask with a slight smile. Jane fights the smirk that tries to spread across her lips and Darcy just laid there.

"Sir, please don't make this difficult," Jane begged and put her hands on her knees in exasperation," My fellow officer Mrs. Lewis isn't as merciful as I am so please, sir, for the sake of your sanity and happiness just answer the question."

"I have a taser, sir," Darcy said from her position," And I am not afraid to use it."

"Fine, fine. I would not like to be on the other side of that taser…again," I say and raise my hands up in surrender.

"So answer the damn question," Bucky says with a groan and pats me on the back. "Who is she?"

"Her name is Peggy Carter. I, um, met her in the hallway one day," I say while I remembered the moment it happened. Her hand had reached out to grab my own before pulling my small body up. She had did it so delicately and effortlessly. No one had treated me that carefully in a long time.

"So you two have been hanging out?" Sam asked with a crooked eyebrow and a wry smile.

"Yeah," I sigh with a smile.

Suddenly our conversation is interrupted when someone starts to run up the bleachers. We all look to see Thor in full out football gear with his helmet in hand. He was smiling at us but when his gaze landed on Jane he almost fell as he continued to run up the bleachers.

"Oh shit! Dude, are you okay?" Bucky asks and holds his hands up to try and steady him.

"Yeah, yeah," He rushed out trying to gather his self," I am perfectly fine."

"You sure? Your foot kind of fell through there," Darcy said. His attention was drawn to her for a second before looking back at Jane. I turn into a fucking super human, he nearly breaks his foot, he is supposed to be practicing and all he can look at is Jane.

I wonder if I took a pic of Jane and glued it to the football.

Huh, I scoff, maybe we would win the game against the DC vigilantes. I look at the love-struck blondie.

A very high chance.

"So, Steve, my friend, did you get any news from Natasha?" T'Challa asks and my attention shoots towards him and finally so does Thor's," I mean did you learn anything?"

The necklace on his chest sends a small electric charge through and a small 'humph' escapes him. He winces but he takes it.

"No, I didn't," I say and I eye the monitor on his chest. My hand flinches towards it but I don't know what will happen. "What do you think will happen if I crush it?"

"A whole lot of SHIELD agents swarm in and try to take us down," T'Challa made his theory and mine seemed to be near the same but with a whole lot more guns.

"Why didn't you get one, Sir Steven?" Thor asked.

"I…really don't know," I respond to him before Bucky interrupts.

"Maybe since they knew you were mostly brains before you became…this," He motions to my body with closed eyes," That you were smarter than these two steroid induced idiots. No offense…maybe a little. Anyway they probably have someone watching you instead. One of their 'Secret Agents'."

"He has a point," Jane pointed out and Darcy nodded.

I look around before looking between both T'Challa and Thor. "What do you two remember from that night?"

"I remember being electrocuted. It felt like I had gotten struck by lightning," Thor explained," Soon I wake up and remember talking to you, Sir Steven, but the Sir Steven I was talking to didn't act like the normal Sir Steven. Next thing I know is that I wake up with a new piece of jewelry."

"Good God, you and these 'Sir Stevens'," Bucky rubbed at his forehead," I think my brain just had an aneurism."

"Only thing I heard was Sir Steven," Darcy sighed.

T'Challa rolled his eyes," I remember being choked by this robot and both of us were sort of…bonding. I don't know but after that I remember some liquid pooling around me. Later I woke up in this room which I assume now is SHIELD. I heard you yelling and someone banging on the window. That is when I knew something was wrong. I fought back obviously but soon enough they put me down and I woke up here."

"You don't look any different from Steve," Jane examined both males," I mean you can tell he was _actually_ affected. You two…look normal."

"Do you two feel different?" Sam asks.

Bucky sits up on his elbows to look at us. "Thor how is the electric monitor thingy not affecting you like it does T?"

Jane notices this as well before standing up and getting close to him, her hands grazes his collarbone and Thor swoons.

"Thor are you wearing padding or are you happy to see us?" I ask and Jane looks down slightly before saying," Oh."

Bucky smiles and Sam laughs. T'Challa laughs also and Darcy lowers her sunglasses before looking at Thor's extra padding," He is _definitely_ happy to see us."

We all laugh a little bit. It is a sound that brings nothing but a smile to my face. A moment where we don't have to worry about anyone. Not the spies. Not the administrators. Not the grades. Just being ourselves. We should really do this more often.

Jane continues to examine Thor's necklace before shaking her head. "I can't examine it now. It is too cold and I can't feel my fingers-"

"Just ask Thor to warm them up for you," Bucky says with a big smile.

"We can do some test tomorrow. It's a holiday right? Me and Darcy can analyze you guys tomorrow-," Jane was trying to say until Darcy interrupted.

"You and who?" She asks and adjust her glasses.

"Fine then, Jane will have all the time in twenty-four hours to analyze their ridiculously built and fit bodies while you, Darcy, do something totally irrelevant," Bucky shrugs and motions to T'Challa, Thor, and I. Darcy lowers her glasses and analyze us before sitting up a little bit.

"You and me? Oh! I misunderstood you! I thought you said you and Marcy!" She says and slaps her knee.

"Yeah, while we're doing that can we get me some new clothes. Thor no offense but your clothes kind of reek of hair conditioner," I explain.

 **Later that night…**

God, why am I doing this?

I look at the clock. It is 10:30, past curfew. During this time the lights are out. Only thing conscious are the security guards patrolling outside and the one-nighters. Thor, Bucky, and T'Challa already went to bed. I checked. Even waited for them to wake up. I bounce up and down on my toes. I've never done this before. It is very exciting. Very…adrenaline pumping shit. I seriously haven't done anything bad as this in my entire life. Even though I haven't done it yet I can feel the energy surging through my body. My muscles pounding. My senses yearning. My legs ready to run. To go fast. I look out the window with daring eyes.

I'm going to do this.

Window-high chance of being spotted by the patrols.

Hallway-hall monitors

I look up.

Air ducts-motions sensors, lasers, and all that high tech security I probably couldn't get past.

 _Hallway. Best option. Less patrollers. Can easily maneuver through the shadows to the gym. Use the night as your advantage._

Man, oh, man I don't want to do this. I begin to pace. I don't want to do this. God help me. I don't want to do this. My heart begins to race with the thought of getting in trouble.

 _Screw trouble. You are the trouble._

My mind is telling me one thing and my heart is telling me another. My body is just trying to figure out what to do. Come on. Come on. I can feel her mocking me. I can practically hear it, feel it seeping through my ears.

"Dammit!" I whisper harshly and close my eyes.

 _Go._

My legs refuse to move.

 _Run._

Hesitance.

 _Prove her wrong! Prove_ _ **all of them**_ _wrong!_

I take off.

Everything turns into a blur. I don't have control. My mind is doing the processing and my body is listening. I run the through the night, quietly and silently. No real thoughts roaming through my mind, just tactics, moves, and hiding spots. My breathing is controlled, my mind racing, analyzing every hiding spot and every corner available for my body. My ears casually listen along to anything coming my way.

 _Hear that? Footsteps. By the sound of it their big, about six foot, two-hundred and sixty-six pounds, doesn't know silence if he was alone in a box, wait till he gets closer._

"Clearing men's corridor now," He said.

I crouch in a corner, hidden by a shadow, waiting for him to get closer.

 _Two options…Stay quiet or silence him._

I don't want to hurt him and even if I do hit him when he wakes up he will remember something happened.

 _You have the strength to hit him so hard he won't remember a thing._

I look at my hands, waiting expectantly. Summoning my inner ninja. It's not working. I clench my fist, close my eyes, and wait for something to happen. Nothing is happening. Dammit, he is getting closer.

 _That ain't going to work dumbass. You're trying to access your reflexes, instincts. When you get attacked I do the work for you but in this moment it's your turn. Open your fucking eyes and take him out._

I open my eyes and quickly look around the corner. I don't know how to do this! I always relied on my instincts. I don't know how to fight. I breathe out a heavy breath before wiping my sweaty hands against my pants.

 _Hurry up…He is getting closer._

Close your eyes. Breathe in. Breathe out. _Take_ the fight. _Control_ the fight. _Breathe_ the fight. _Live_ the fight. _Be_ the fight.

 _Strike now._

I open my eyes.

Disarmed. Punch. Knock.

He's out.

Damn.

"Damn," I laugh out. Did you just see that? Like OMG! Like I saw everything in some sort of slow motion. Can't necessarily explain it but it was awesome.

 _Hate to ruin your moment buddy but we have a date with a certain red headed spy whom we don't trust._

Oh yeah right.

The Gym…

After sneaking pass five patrollers, knocking out two, and surveying the whole gym for cameras or any sort of trap that Natasha might have set up I arrived. The gym, the training gym filled with dummies, mats, weights, training simulations, guns, knives, bow and arrows, jump ropes, bamboo sticks, and other essential items. Soon enough I stumbled upon a humongous dome looking room. It was still under construction with the caution tape and everything. It was beautiful. The design, the flawlessness, the see through ceiling, the dome like structure, and the size of it.

"It's a simulation generator," Someone says from behind me. I immediately grab a knife and swing it at the person behind me.

The someone-she-immediately catches it.

"Ooh someone's discovering their abilities," She mutters, examining the knife before directing her gaze at me. Those eyes. Damn those eyes. I eye her like I always do when I see someone. She is wearing her usual, leggings, heels, and loose shirt with a jacket. No weapons that I can see but I doubt that she doesn't have anything. She is staring at me and I, her. I'm kind of tilted at a weird angle, my hands in my pockets, and my chest tilted to the side.

It is a while before one of us speaks. We just stand there staring at each other, analyzing each other, **getting lost** in each other. Her eyes roam my body and mine run over her multiple times. The silence is beautiful. It surrounds us both. The silence doesn't come alone. The moon does also. It surrounds her and a little bit of me. When her eyes are finished decking out my body they reach my own. Mine were already done analyzing when she walked in the room.

Yes, you got it right my mom taught me right.

 _Never, ever, say that…in front of anyone. Especially her. Don't even think it._

"What is it?" I ask quietly trying so hard not to disturb the peace. "This simulation generator?"

She stares into my eyes a moment longer before smiling," It generates life-like situations, creating a environment in which the players will have to adapt. It also creates a problem, a situation that two teams have to solve. Whichever team solves them first wins."

"It's a game?" I ask and turn around to stare at the dome.

"Interactive, yes, two teams, twenty levels," She explains and I can hear her heels clacking against the floor.

 _Closer to you. Keep an eye on her. She is a spy. We barely know her. Spies are spies for a reason._

"It is going to be ready by tomorrow," She breathes out and crosses her arms over her chest trying to pronounce her…

 _She is trying to seduce you. Get you under SHIELD's thumb. Use you as a weapon or experiment! Don't let them break us._

"It isn't here for decoration I am assuming," I say and look at her, keeping my eyes up," When are the simulations?"

She laughs a little bit before leaning a little bit closer to me and whispering in my ear," What kind of fun would that be?"

Her breath ghost over my neck and my head tilts down. I look her in the eye but my gaze flick to her red lips. Her very, very red lips.

 _PAY FUCKING ATTENTION TO HER EYES NOT HER BREAST OR HER LIPS._

She smiles but that smile disappears when I look up at her eyes. Her forest green eyes. Her beautiful, beautiful, eyes. Something that I could positively get lost in. They are absolutely gorgeous. A green void that seemed to go on, and on, and-

 _Never mind then, don't look at her eyes._

"What the hell am I supposed to look at then?" I accidentally whisper and she looks at me oddly. Her eyebrows furrow and backs up slightly but not away from my reach. What do I do now?

…

That motherfucker didn't answer me. I got no answer. Dammit. I'm left with a slightly questioning spy and silent moment and now he wants to abandoned me. My ears strain to hear something. Her heart beat. It's picked up its pace, slightly.

"What happened to me?"

"A freak accident," She sighs and starts to roam the gymnasium.

I remember the moment. The pain. The destruction. The bodies. The blood. Ah God, there was so much blood. Electrified water spread across part of the room and Thor lie in it not even flinching. I thought he was dead. He looked dead but his body seemed to absorb the electricity. T'Challa lie unconscious in a batch of some black liquid, his body engulfed by it and his head sticking out along with a robotic head. Tony looked like he died. He looked dead. He was pale. His skin white as a ghost and his chest filled with shrapnel. Most of the blood was coming from him. Bruce was green. That was a sure sign he wasn't dead. His eyes were open but he didn't seem conscious. His hand was still trapped in the machine and blood flowed from it. I. Me. I wasn't the worst but blood flowed from my chest. The needles had entered my body retracted only for the holes to gush blood. Someone was yelling at me. They were yelling pretty loudly too.

 _Get up! Get up you puny bastard! Your transformation isn't complete!...Yet. And besides we have work to do!_

I was wondering who was talking to me. No one around me was conscious so it couldn't be anyone there.

 _I am your second sub-conscious dumbass! Your real second sub-conscious. The fighter in you. The one who sees a path when you don't. The one who exposes the weakness of others. Who sees the truth behind the lies. The one who sees the bad side of a good person. When in combat or dangerous situations I will be activated or sometimes when you need to keep a secret._

How am I to know you aren't _my_ bad side?

 _It depends on what and how you use me._

Ok, I really don't know how to use you.

 _From now on its not going to be you and I. Just me._

"What did you, SHIELD, do to me?" I ask and take a step towards her.

"We gave you a new look, Rogers. New man, new look," She said simply.

" _Same_ man, _new_ body," I said and her gaze flashed towards me. Dammit. I was doing it again. I was being daring. I was being defiant against the top SHIELD agent. What the hell was I thinking? _Oh you were thinking like you usually do so screw her and be you._ The thought popped in my head and I winced at my rudeness. "But I remember fighting…I was fighting SHIELD agents."

"Yes, we all remember that," She said and rubbed at her side. "We had received that you had an unstable amount of gamma radiation inside of you. We had to put you down."

"What am I? What happened to me?" I ask hurriedly and take two strides toward her with my now long legs.

"You…were given a rare serum that was created to make the perfect soldier, perfect weap-," She stopped when she realized when she was giving too much information away," The perfect super soldier."

"But I am not a soldier," I said.

"No, when Stark put you in that machine he wanted to do so to put you through pain. He didn't know the consequences of it," She explained thoroughly," He knew what the machine was, since he is majoring in engineering. He didn't know anything was in it, no one knew anything was in it."

"What exactly do you mean no one knew there was something in it?" I pause my pacing.

"The day of Project: Rebirth was the day after the incident. The previous days nothing should have been in the machine. For safety purposes nothing should have been in the machine before the experiment. The machine allows you to inject a heavy amount of a solution into a subject. The solution that was in the machine the day before the project was created by one of our scientist, Dr. Abraham Erskine," She was explaining in the most confusing detail.

"So you're saying the serum in the machine the day before the experiment wasn't supposed to be in their?" She nodded and I ran a hand through my hair. "Can't you recreate it?! Make a solution?! Make a cure?!"

"It isn't a disease, Rogers," She said and her eyebrows furrowed in slight anger.

"No, it's a fucking burden!" I shout and my fist finds its way through a test dummy.

"We can't recreate the serum. The man who created it and spent years of research on was Dr. Erskine and," She leaned against a table filled with colorful knives. I eye her form. Her finger twitch towards the knife.

 _Good, eye her fingers._

No shit, Sherlock.

"So why can't you ask him?"

"Cause he's dead," My head tilts at the sound of that," He was found dead when we found all of you lying on the ground unconscious."

I'm taking it in like any non-normal person. I'm standing like a fucking statue, staring at her fingers. I can't look at anything else. I can't. I just can't. I was used to that shitty life. My mind had coped with my shitty life. My mind was made for my shitty life. Half of the time I don't even know my own strength. I break door-knobs, pencils, handles, books and anything else that makes its way into my hand. Speaking of that.

"I am sorry," I apologize and she scoffs.

"For what?" She asks with a smile.

"For your wrist earlier I was just learning my new strength," I motion to her wrist and her smile fades. She doesn't look at it like and continues to burn a whole in my face.

"It's-it's fine," She brushes me off.

Silence stretches through us again. We enter the void. Together at least. Another mantra of staring begins. Blue meeting green. Tundra meeting the Amazon. I'm leaning against the dome, hands in pocket, back slouched, head down, and eyes up. Fire and ice finally meeting, challenging each other.

Who will win?

"Why do I not trust you?" I ask her and her eyebrows raise up a little with a smirk.

"You barely know me," She says simply.

I scoff," I need that to change, sweetheart."

"Do you really? I find it perfectly fine-," She attempts to say.

"With you knowing all about me but me not knowing a damn thing about you?" I ask with a slight smirk making its way across my face," That's a little shitty don't you think?"

"Yeah, but sometimes things have to be shitty for something else not to be," She laughs and soon her laughter dies. I know she wants to ask me something but she is very hesitant.

"What is it?"

"Fury needs to talk to you."

"Bullshit."

"Excuse me?" She slightly raises up. I am defying her again and my fear has died a little.

"I don't want to talk to him," I immediately raise up in return. We sort of advance on each other and her forest green eyes are burning a wildfire. I don't know what mine are doing but they are about to freeze over hell. "He tried to put me down like sort of animal!"

"It wasn't his orders…he was following protocol!" She explained.

"I don't give a damn about your protocol! Even though what happened to me and the others could be catastrophic I still am a human being-!" I was interrupted.

"An enhanced human!" She storms away from me. I think she is giving up.

 _Hold up a minute. Is that a…_

She throws a knife at me.

 _Catch it._

I do as told and grab the rubber handle of the knife. "What the hell is your problem!?"

She doesn't answer and it's too late. She throws three knives at me.

 _Duck, jump, side-step._

I duck before jumping and make my way to a side-step. I turn around to see the knives inside the dummy I punched a hole into.

 _Behind you!_

Dammit. She's behind me and she shows no restraint. The blade in her hand attempting to slice at my skin. She wants to get up, close, and personal. Fine then. I will play along. She punches. I dodge. She swings wildly in attempt to strike me. My brain tries to analyze every situation, every moment, every move she makes. I study her. She is bouncing the knife between both of her hands constantly after every attempt of cutting me. She succeeds once when she cuts part of my chest. I wince but keep going.

 _Catch the knife._

The next time she attempts to switch the knife in between her hands I catch it and throw it to the ground only for her to do some kind of acrobatic shit that I don't contemplate until her legs are wrapped around my neck and her hand grasping my arm. She is trying to pull me back, pull me down, and I can hear her gasp. This wasn't how she expected it to happened. She wanted me to fall back and she would land gracefully on her feet.

Well it's a new damn day.

 _Take control._

I take control. I grab her arm and flip both of us over, she lands on the ground. I do a double take, doing a backflip and ending on my feet. She murmurs something in Russian, I'm assuming profanities, and gets up roughly. I am bouncing on the balls of my feet, preparing for her onslaught.

"We done?" I ask and her eyes flash angrily. I sigh and prepare myself as she begins to run toward me.

Punch.

 _Dodge._

Kick.

 _Block._

Back hand.

 _Side-block._

Leg-sweep.

 _Jump. She left her mid-drift open. Strike. Now._

I grab her by the stomach and ram her onto the floor. I try to pull most of my strikes as to not physically hurt her. I hold most of my weight as to not crush her. She is putting up a real fight. She isn't pulling her punches as much as I am.

"Natasha-," I try to say but she slides from underneath while holding onto my hand. As she slides under me she pulls me along with her, making me stretch a lot, I bounce off my feet and end up doing a backflip. She attempts to punch me again but I grab her wrist and pull her forward.

"Fine!" She stops her futile attempts at hurting me and looks up at me. "I will meet with Fury."

All the anger from her face dissipates so quickly it didn't even seem like it was there. She smiles and finally I get it. I'm too much of a good person.

 _Yeah, we need to work on that buddy._

She used my morals against me. She knew the whole time that I wouldn't hurt her and knowing that we would be in a never ending fight. I would give in eventually as to not hurt her. She was better than I thought.

"You're too good, Rogers," She laughs as she begins to walk away.

"Wait," She stops and I smile," Take the monitors off my friends and I will meet with him…willingly."

"And if we don't?" She asks with a raised eyebrow.

"Or it won't be so willingly," I comment with a slight smile before climbing towards the window," Natasha…"

"Yeah," She turns around fully and watches me fully.

"Why didn't I get a monitor like Thor and T'Challa?" Curiosity gets the best of me.

"Because out of the both of them your more defiant so you needed one who could keep up," She winks before walking off. It takes me a moment to realize what she had meant. _Who?_ The whole day I was seeing _hallucinations_ of Natasha.

Ha. I scoff.

She was my 'monitor'.

 **Principal's office…**

"Report," Fury said with a sigh and rubbed at his face.

"Rogers is smarter than we thought, Odinson and T'Challa didn't succeed to the memory wipe, and Stark and Banner will be leaving our clinic tomorrow," Coulson slapped down a file on the wooden desk.

"Coulson…I want your honest opinion…What do you think of these kids?" Fury asked, exasperated.

"Is this a serious question? A ninety pound, asthmatic kid turned into a super human, a barely any-brained jock survived thousands of volts of electricity coursing through his body, an egotistical genius built a reactor to stop himself from dying, an innocent genius with no muscle at all survived a large amount of gamma radiation, and a Nubian Prince survived a dip into the toxin of heart shaped herb…What do you think I think of that?" Coulson asked and made himself comfortable in the seat in front of Fury.

Fury chuckled a little bit before sitting up all the way.

"The THETA protocol was shit. None of them beat the ranks even if some of they were good. I am trying to be a good director here but those assholes keep giving me these orders…Have they even been in the field? That order they gave me to put down Rogers was incredulous," Fury leaned back in his chair with a grunt.

"Are you dissing the World Security Council?" Coulson asked.

He scoffed," I've been dissing the World Security Council for quite some time now."

"Glad to see I wasn't the only one," Coulson said.

Soon enough a beep arose on the Directors desk," Speak of the Devils." He pressed the button and turned around as five holographic screens appeared.

"Director Fury," They acknowledged.

"Councilmen," Fury said in response.

"Agent Coulson," The saw Coulson in the background. He nodded in response.

"We are sad to here that you didn't contain the subject…The man named Steven Grant Rogers," Councilman Pearce commented as he looked at the file.

"Yeah we did for a moment until I realized that was- and excuse my language- shitty. He wasn't hostile. He was threatened and was forced to defend himself. Before the accident he was a gentle kid, bullied physically and mentally-"Fury began to explain.

"And that would give the perfect excuse to abuse this newfound power he was given-"The Councilman tried to defend their claim.

"The agent I assigned to monitor Rogers…Miss Romanoff came back to report that he didn't want the power given to him! He thought it was a disease, a burden he had to carry because of one man's mistake…Councilman I believe you are running out of reasons to put this man down," Fury preached.

"Fine then Director what do you wish to do with him and the other subjects. We just can't let them roam free-"Councilman Yen was interrupted.

"And we can't just put them in cages like some sort of animals!" Fury rose from his seat.

"If I may interrupt I believe I have a compromise," Coulson sat up in his chair and buttoned his suit jacket.

"Go ahead Agent Coulson," Yen permitted.

"THETA protocol was a bust was it not? We are looking for a team capable handling our _new_ and developing extraterrestrial problem. The Chitaurri are coming soon and we need to hurry. The situation simulator will be ready in two weeks, we form teams of members that are not likely to speak to each other. The team that wins is our saviors," Coulson was standing up by now, preaching his testament.

The councilman thought this over but Fury was already on board. "I agree with Agent Coulson. His plan is well thought out and gives a good amount of time to get everything ready."

The Councilman looked at both of them warily before sighing into agreement.

"Yes, Agent Coulson provides an adequate solution. I am agreeing with it for now but if anything goes wrong… _both_ of you _will_ clean it up," Both Fury and Coulson nodded," Also this respond team better be prepped…One question…Why do you put so much faith into this idea?"

"I believe in superheroes. The question should be…Do you?"


	5. Better

**I do not own the song portrayed in this chapter.**

"Hell no," I said with pursed lips. He seriously did not expect me to do this. Who the fuck did he think I was? Did I look like some dude of off the Matrix? I thought for a minute.

Hey, that was actually a good movie.

Anyway, I am getting off track. This man in front of me wants me to do what? The near fucking impossible. Did I look like Jason Statham? Or Vin Diesel? Or James Bond? Or Paul freaking Walker. God rest his lovely, lovely soul. This was not the movie Mission Impossible. Part of me wanted to jump across the desk and smack him in his face and see if he got a better look at me because I sure as hell wasn't going to do it. I actually looked at him to see if he was serious or not. He was. Or was he? I couldn't see past that eyepatch.

"Excuse me, Mr. Rogers?" Fury asked and adjusted himself in his seat. Excuse my ass. Natasha told me the man wanted to meet with me. I'm here. I'm in front of him staring down his one good eye. I never thought she would pull this bullshit out on me.

"I mean…Do you know what you are asking here? You want me. Plain 'ol Steve Rogers to become one of your SHIELD agents-," He interrupted me.

"That's the thing, Rogers…You aren't normal or plain-," I interrupted him.

"Are we talking before or after the incident?" My tone was demanding yet cruel. No, I don't know why he chose me for this school. No, I don't know why he ruined my life. No, I don't know a damn thing except that I am not doing this. I don't know how to fight in combat. I don't know how to do tactical stealth and that shit. I was a kid who had a slightly heavy amount of pills to take that got bullied 24/7. The only thing special about me is something that came out of a bottle.

Fury sighed and leaned back in his chair, looking at me with his one good eye. "Rogers…Do you know why I chose you for this school?"

I shook my head.

"Because I saw something in you. Now, I have to be honest…I thought myself to be crazy for seeing something in a four foot, scrawny, asthmatic kid with no parents," I winced," But the picture began to become clear. In regular students that roam these halls I see a fire. In you…I see ice."

"What do you mean?" I asked. Wait…was I supposed to take that as a compliment?

"You're not normal, Rogers, and I hope one day you see that," Fury sighed and folded his hands together in his lap. I looked at the floor and licked my lips before scratching the back of my neck. I didn't necessarily know what to say. I was normal. I have had years of people telling me I was nothing. I was not real. I didn't _exist_. You know what I said to those people? I nodded my head with a sad smile and _knowing_ smile gracing my face and agreed. It was sad really. Good God, I laughed and wiped my nose. I forgot.

Those days were behind me now.

"Um…If I was to say yes to your question what would I be doing?" Curiosity over-flooded my defiance.

"I would set you up with Romanoff or Carter and you two would be dealing with some minor mission, getting intel, taking out a target, or taking down a terrorist group," He said with a shrug of the shoulders.

I licked my lips and nodded politely. I wiped my hands up and down my jeans. This wasn't an easy decision. I had no training. I didn't know what to do. This was life and death. One mistake and whoops I'm dead. Besides it wasn't just that. It was the thought of taking someone's life. I had never done it before and I sure as hell had the strength to do it now. It was scary. Taking God's power and using it for your own benefits. It didn't ease the pain. It didn't ease anything. If it did anything it added to it.

"Can you give me some time…to think about it?" I breathed out. He looked like he was thinking for a moment before nodding.

"Yeah, sure," He continued to nod and I immediately shot up from my seat. I felt like a child that got in trouble for throwing rocks in the playground. But in this case I was a teenager being asked to join a secret organization to protect the country against dangerous threats.

He escorted me out of the room and once I was out he called someone.

"Romanoff, stay on Rogers for me."

 **. . . . .**

 **Later that day…**

"Steve!" Jane whined. "Stay still. We will never leave if you don't stop fidgeting."

"Jane! When do you call _breathing_ fidgeting?"

Jane and I were in the dressing room of Calvin Klein to Thor's dismay. Buck, Darcy, Sam, T'Challa and Thor sat outside waiting for both of us to come out. Unfortunately we ran into a few mishaps. Ever since I got the buff up I had to try on so many freaking sizes. Some were too small. Some were too tight. Some were saggy. Some were…Ugh! This was so damn hard.

"Suck it in!" She demanded.

"How do-? I can't-. How the hell am I going to suck in my ass?!" I yelled in exasperation. She continued to pull the pants up but it was a tough situation.

"Why is your ass so big?" Jane huffed. She was slightly sweating and her heart rate had kicked up a notch from trying to pull the pants up. Soon enough I felt two hands pushing my ass.

I jumped so high I actually hit my head against the ceiling. Damn these enhanced legs.

"I just need to stuff it in there," Jane's tongue was hanging from her mouth in concentration. Out of nowhere an arm shot into the curtain and grabbed Jane. She squeaked and jumped. I immediately shot out of the dressing room to see Thor had grabbed her. It took me a moment to realize jealousy had over taken my dear friend. I looked to see the others laughing their asses off. Bucky was doubled over in laughter, Sam was on the floor, Darcy and T'Challa were holding onto their stomachs for dear life.

"Um, Thor, what's going on buddy?" Jane asked and patted his bicep. She was slightly out of breath also from his vice grip on her.

"Ah…Lady Jane," He seemed lost for words, opening and closing his mouth like a fish," Hi."

"Hey," She said back breathless.

"Excuse me, sir," I turned around to see a woman. She was short and wearing a Calvin Klein vest with a nametag that said Brittany," Can you put some clothes on? You are disturbing some of our _male_ customers."

I looked around to see men looking at me with raging eyes and some…a little more sexual. I looked to see Darcy take a picture. Yeah. That was bad. Quickly I shot back into the dressing room and put my shirt on. I still had on the tight pants but my feet were bare. Out of nowhere my phone began to ring. I picked up and saw that it was an unknown number. My instincts kicked in and instead of saying hello like I usually did I answered," Who is this?"

"Well isn't that a rude way to answer a phone," That voice. That sarcasm.

"How the hell did you get my numbe-?" I was interrupted by the obvious.

She worked for SHIELD.

Of-fucking-course.

"What do want, Natasha?" I scratched the back of my head with an exasperated sigh. I might have sounded a bit spiteful but truth is I so desperately needed to hear her velvety voice.

"I want to hang out! Get to know each other remember!?" Her excitement was so fake but I couldn't help but smile. My assumptions told me Fury wanted her to gain my trust. _My….friendship._

"Even I could tell that was fake, sweetheart. You want to try that again?" I smiled, teeth and everything.

"No, I really don't," I laughed a little at her fruitless attempt," So…you wanted to know more about me. Now is your chance."

Her voice was low and seducing. It went straight down. I literally felt it go straight to my groin. I looked down and nearly dropped my phone. Damn that thing was huge! Like I mean I have seen ever since I got beefed but I never actually had a boner. It grew like two fucking inches. The pants didn't help either. It seemed to be holding Minnie Steve back.

"What did you have in mind?" I ask trying to ignore the humongous thing sticking out of my jeans.

"My dorm," She said simply.

…

ARE.

YOU.

SERIOUS.

My phone slipped out of my hand. I ended up breaking one of the walls of the dressing room. If it was possible Minnie Steve got bigger. Yep it was official. I needed to get the hell out of here. Quickly I picked up the phone only to see she had hung up but she had sent me a text.

 _I like the pants._

"Jane! Come on it's time to go!" I yelled and practically ran out of the dressing room. "And we are buying the pants!"

 **. . . . .**

 **The game…**

I totally forgot. I totally fudging forgot about this unnecessary distraction they called a football game. It was only an excuse for the muscled dumbasses and sluts to go behind the bleachers and screw each other's brains out. So if you heard someone screaming loudlier than the others you know shit is up. It was also an excuse for the stoners to get together and hit the latest poison on the side of the bleachers where the smoke would dissipate. I swear the shit is so strong that you can have puff and get a bitchy hangover. The people that were actually trying to watch the game sat on the other bleachers were the teens making out wouldn't disturb them. As usual I sat in the I-maybe-lonely-but-I-don't-give-a-shit section of the bleachers with T'Challa, Sam, , Thor, Darcy, Jane, and Bucky. Truth is we didn't want to come here. Bucky wasn't interested in sitting on his ass for an hour, Jane had more important shit to do than watch muscular guys chasing after a ball, Darcy didn't care and if she did she was too busy staring at some guys ass (Ian-the water boy-she swore he had a nice set of a six pack and I didn't really want to disagree with her), T'Challa would rather want to be in the game than watching it, and Sam – well Same just didn't give shit. I? I was just here because it was mandatory. Since we were out of school that day we _had_ to come to the game. Those motherfuckers could kiss my enhanced ass.

"Shit!" My gaze shot back to see Thor with his finger in his mouth. He had to stay out of the game because of the…incident.

"What happened?" T'Challa asked and looked at the blonde.

"I don't know but my phone dropped and Thor was picking it up when it electrocuted him," I looked at Thor to see blue sparks radiating off his hands.

"Jane," My voice is high pitched but filled with warning," That phone didn't shock him. He shocked it...Look at the phone."

Jane picked it up only to see it was burnt crisp and smoking. "Oh my God."

"Exactly!" Darcy shouted as she examined the phones crispiness," Yep, this thing is toast."

"How did you do that Thor?" Sam asked and couldn't take his gaze away from the phone. Thor was about to answer until someone interrupted.

"Hi," Our gazes shot up to see a group of girls standing in front of us. Well, me directly. I was laying on three sets of bleachers, Thor and Jane behind me and one bleacher lower Sam sat beside Jane and T'Challa sat beside Thor. Below them were Darcy and Bucky. And I was lying in the middle head lying on my backpack.

"Hello," I said, grimacing as the sun shown in my face.

"Hey," Darcy said trying to get the girls attention but she was dead set on me. Didn't even look at Darcy. I laughed and turned my gaze back toward the girl.

"My names Kamala," _Mrs. Marvel._ Everyone called her that because they say she is amazing in bed. She would take you to the back of the school and take you right there. Not my type. She is too…

 _Predictable._

Fucking exactly.

"Hi, Kamala. What do I owe the pleaser?" I was so good acting.

"I was wondering if we could hang out some time…behind the school," I tried so hard to hold in my laugh. She was trying desperately hard to seduce me or get me on her finger.

"Sorry but my girlfriend, here, wouldn't agree," I patted Darcy on the leg and she snorted. A look of disgust appeared on her face and I tried my best not to laugh. Good God I am turning into Darcy.

"This is your girlfriend?" She asked and pointed towards Darcy.

"Hell yes. This is my man slave. You got a problem with that?" Darcy asked and ran her hand through my hair, massaging my temple roughly. I winced at the pain in my scalp.

"Um…No," She backed up slowly with her posy with a look of pure disgust on her face. "Maybe we called talk later."

"Not!" Darcy yelled as they were leaving and grabbed my man tits showing her that I was hers. Once there shadows were nothing but faded all of us busted out laughing.

"She thought she was your girlfriend," Bucky wheezed through the laughter.

"Ha I am so done," Sam choked out.

When our laughter eventually died down I noticed that Thor was staring at his hands. I looked at his hands also to see sparks were coming off.

"Oh shit," I whispered. Everyone looked to where I was looking to see the same as I saw. The sparks didn't have a point of origin but only his hands. His eyes were glowing bluer than normal and the electric sparks flying off of him where going in random directions. Mainly towards any electronics. All of us were frozen in our spots but not Jane. Jane was taking action.

Sometimes that woman was a boss.

"Thor, look at me. You need to calm down. This obviously is because your freaking out," She said and placed her hands on the side of his face. Jane grabbed his hands and eyed the sparks that seemed to be getting bigger and bigger by the second. "Look at me!"

He did. His hands were trembling furiously. But the only thing he was focused on was Jane.

"Good…now I am going to grab your hands and you're not going to electrocute me," She said in a comforting tone before attempting to grab his hands. He flinched away and then Jane did something I didn't expect she had the balls to do. Well Thor didn't have the balls to do it.

She kissed him. All of our mouths went slack.

She kissed him with a passion and ferocity that could only be love. Immediately she grabbed his hands and for a second I thought she would be burnt to a crisp but she wasn't. She was perfectly fine. Well besides the fact that they were sucking each other's faces off.

"About damn time if I do say so myself," Bucky said and we high fived each other.

The Marvel Heroes won.

Not that we were paying any attention.

 **. . . . .**

 **College Gym…**

"Guys I don't know about this," I muttered to them as we entered the College Gym. It was filled to the brim with gymnast, martial artist, and everything that didn't seem possible. People were bending backwards, jumping higher than twice their heights, and twisting in shapes and-Ugh! How could these people do this? One girl was twisted in a way that had me twisting my head.

"What is there not to know?" Bucky asked and patted me on my bare shoulder. I was currently wearing a tank top, black shorts, and some Nike's. Thor had really set me up with a shit-load of money. He practically handed me his wallet with a smile on his face. When I tried to push it away he shoved it in my pocket and walked towards Jane. I swear that man was too rich was for his own good. A hundred dollar bills were one dollar bills in his world.

"All these people…they are doing something I can't," I stood stock still and soon enough someone decided to show up.

 _Don't doubt yourself. It weakens us._

Where the hell have you been?

 _Watching._

I shake my head at that and continue my scan around the room. Nothing out of the ordinary. Good, so I won't have to deal with any shit.

"Steve, lift the weights."

Except for that.

I look at the weights before looking at the demanding Jane Foster. Throughout this whole day she had bossed me around not even showing a tad of fear or doubt when she had done it too. She was a strong, courageous woman. I understood why Thor liked her. She was a great woman. Her and I had met two years ago. We were neighbors when Bucky and I decided to move out of his parent house. And along with Jane I had met the illustrious Darcy Lewis. They were both funny, hilarious, beautiful, and just plain out amazing. The next couple of years we had known each other we had become amazingly closer. We had become a family. A very _special_ family.

"Come on soldier! Hit those weights!" Darcy yelled and slapped my ass.

What is with everyone and my ass?

Slowly I walked towards the weights before I got any more ass gropes. They followed me toward the weights and the anticipation was yearning. It was growing stronger and stronger with each of my movements. I sat down on the bench with a huff and the metal dented.

"You know she didn't literally mean hit it?" T'Challa asked with a smirk.

"Almost broke the damn thing," Sam said and his chest shook with laughter.

I heaved a breath and leant back, ignoring my speeding heart. My hands eased their way up and onto the cold metal of the bar. This was it. This was the final moment of truth. Bucky got behind me," Don't worry, Stevie, I got you. Till the end of the line."

"Till the end of the line," I breathed. They all surrounded me, their bodies casting a shadow over mine. I could hear their beating hearts. Nervous hearts. If I didn't make it. If I didn't-

 _If you don't stop with the damn whining and pick up the fucking weights._

Fine.

"At the moment you have fifty pounds, Sir Steven," Thor said and looked at the bar cautiously. He was twitching ceremoniously. I knew what it was. He was scared, nervous. For me. Over the course of months we had known each other Thor had grown protective. I mean very protective. Anyone bigger that came near me Thor would be there in an instant and by his side would be Bucky. Both would be on either side of me. Sometimes I wouldn't even know they were there until I saw girls fawning and men scrambling.

These were my brothers blood or not.

"You ready, Steve?" Jane asked me and held out her phone. My mouth was sown shut but I managed a nod. She nodded at the others and then that was my que.

 _Even though I am your second sub-conscious I have no faith that you're going to lift this._

I almost choked on air.

 _Ha-ha I'm sorry it's just that your arms are literally shaking from nervousness. Calm them down or those dumb-bells are going nowhere but down._

He, me, was right. My arms were shaking but before I could do anything about it I felt a metal hand on my own that eased my shakiness. I looked up at Bucky. Blue meeting green-brown. He was looking at me with hope in his eyes. Hope that I could do the impossible. Hope that I could be more than I could be. _Hope that I could become something out of nothing._ And that gave me hope. That is why he was my inspiration. He nodded at me a pure sign that I could do this.

 _Breathe in. Breathe out._

I did just that and next thing I know I have a fifty pound dumb-bell suspended in the air. My arms began to shake. Everything. I mean everything felt heavy including my arms.

 _Relax. Slow your heart._

I did and the results were differentiating.

"How's it hanging buddy?" Bucky asks, his fingers close to the bar.

"It's great! Actually, I can barely feel a damn thing," I breathed and slowly remove one of my hands. Jane, Thor, and Bucky's instant reaction was to help me but they immediately stopped when they saw me benching the bar. With one hand. As time continued it started to feel effortless. The weights began to feel like feathers. Jane kept one hand out – being over protective could be a bitch sometimes.

"How do you feel?" Jane asked.

"He look like he drank a bucket of steroids," Darcy said and took a quick – pic.

"Feels like it," I breathed. I could practically feel the power flowing through my muscles. The strength. "Put another fifty on there."

"Steve-" Sam tried to warn but no. I wasn't going to take it. I was going to take the doubt. The humiliation of it. I could lift it. I had no doubt. I couldn't let them hold me back. I didn't want them to hold me back. When I was…smaller, sicker, weaker I didn't let it stop me from standing up to the people bigger than me. _Defying_ the people bigger than me. I wasn't going to let asthma, my size, and my virginity hold me back. I was _tired_ of being held back.

"Put fifty more on," I demanded. Hesitantly Thor and T'Challa put fifty more pounds on.

It felt about the same. My arm immediately adjusted before another fifty was added on. And another and another and another. People were starting to crowd around us. I didn't care though. My mind was somewhere else.

 _Keep pushing._

"Another hundred," I muttered and kept my hands stock still on the bar. My arms were burning the power and strength that coursed through it. My eyes. I don't know why I couldn't open them. Maybe because I kept squeezing them so tight. Everything was burning. But I felt so cold.

 _That is your body trying to even out your temperature._

"Sir Steven…if I place another hundred pounds that is going to be more than a ton," Thor commented and held the weight in between his fingers.

"Woah, woah, woah…someone has been doing well in algebra," Darcy commented.

"Just. Do. It," I spat through the sweat. Hesitantly both Thor and Sam put another hundred pounds on. With my hearing I heard the people beginning to surround us.

" _Who is this guy?"_

" _That's about a ton."_

" _He looks like Steve Rogers."_

" _I've never seen this guy before…Who is he? He's hot."_

The hundred pounds added pushed my arms down. It was trying to force me down. Gravity. Force. Weight. The bar was nearing my throat and was threatening to choke me. My hearing zeroed in on the rapidly beating hearts. I couldn't hear their words although I could see their mouths moving. Thor and Bucky were yelling at each other. Sam and T'Challa were freaking out and Darcy and Jane were trying to get them to help me. The others around me were filming or either trying to get someone to help. I wondered what it would have been like if I had actually been paying attention to them.

 _Lift it._

I tried. I tried so hard but it was like an invisible hand was against me and pushing the bar down. Whatever was against me was fighting hard. And it was winning.

 _Lift. It._

The force became stronger.

 _Lift it!_

The force refused to lose.

 _LIFT IT!_

"Ahhhh!" I defied its power and its force. I _fought_ back. Everything ceased and I was left with more than a ton in my hands. My grip was tight on the bar, my muscles clenched and unclenched constantly. Adjusting to the power it was given. The pain was unbearable but I somehow managed to bear it. Everyone stared at me in shock and I, myself couldn't believe what I was doing.

This…this was something new.

This was something greater.

"VIRGINIA!"

Shit. I forgot. How could I have forgotten? It was that _special_ day. Remember? The crowd turned around toward the source of the shout but I need to. I knew who it was immediately. I took my time knowing exactly what he wanted.

"Steven fucking Rogers!" Tony yelled into the big gymnasium. His eyes searched and roamed the crowd of people for one specific person.

Unfortunately I was the unlucky motherfucker.

I placed the bar down before sighing. The moment of truth. The moment where all of it would come crashing down. The crowd had covered him, hid him from the view of the infamous Tony Stark. I had forgotten of all days that he was being released along with Bruce Banner. I knew immediately when Stark got out he would be looking for blood. My blood. It was like a shark looking for the small fish it stalked so often.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are!" He yelled.

The small fish stops, knowing it's in deep, dark water.

"Steve-," Sam tries but I wave my hand to silence him.

"Tony-," Pepper also tries but Tony has gone too far.

I rise from the bench, pride shielding me from whatever humiliation I was about to receive. Part of me wasn't worried. The other part didn't necessarily care. I knew this was sort of a big deal. Foes facing foe. The source of my hell. The source of my pain and bullying. _Him._ That was where all my hatred was greeted. Where it was _welcomed_. I hated him. I despised him. And the only reason he bullied me was because I defied him.

And I didn't regret any of it.

The small fish's paranoia grows.

I make my way out of the crowd, politely shoving past them. They look at me like I am crazy or insane and I possibly should be but not for the same reason. They don't know who I am. Whispers flood my ear like 'That isn't Steve Rogers', 'Who is Steve Rogers? That wimpy kid that always got his ass kicked?', 'Please tell me this is a joke'. I want to tell them to fuck off but I can't get side tracked. I can't get distracted for I am already on a mission. God help me.

As I emerged out of the crowd I noticed he wasn't alone. Behind him was Clint, Pepper, Bobbi, Betty, Bruce, (Rhodi) James, and Natasha. They all stared at me and I, them. This was the moment.

The shark circles the fish.

"Um…Who the hell are you?" He asks me, head held high and a menacing smirk on his face. I eye him, identifying any weapons on him but I don't find anything but a light centered in his chest. I could practically hear his heart struggling to keep up with his body but it was maintaining…for now.

"You know exactly who I am, Stark," I say softly. Half of my attention is on him and the other is on Natasha. She is staring at me like she usually does with that longing and lost look. I looked at her also, tilting my head to the side, my mouth slightly agape before shoving my hands in my pocket. I looked her over and the same was for her. I smile. She smirks. The tension rises. Clint sees this and plants his arm firmly around her, pulling her against him, _tightly._

 _Five foot ten, blonde, medium build, egotistical, fingers well trained in aim. Break his leg then break his back._

That would kill him. Part of me didn't necessarily dislike the idea. I smiled at it.

The small fish eyed the shark.

"Rogers?"

"The one and only," I run my hand through my hair in a show of showing off. Gasps fill my ears. Shocking I know but I don't focus on any of that. I focus on the ones in front of me. My dread. My hell. My crucifiers. Pepper, Rhodi, Clint, Bobbi, and Betty seemed shocked, hands covering their mouths and eyes filled with disbelief. Bruce and Tony on the other hand, well, they were a different story. Both of them stared at me with the dread I felt. All of us cursed.

"I can't believe it," He muttered with a sort of wonderment on his face.

"You can't believe it? You're the cause of this," I take a dangerous step towards him. Eventually I hear steps behind me but I know who they are. The ones that had my back. T'Challa and Thor.

"I missed you too," He said sarcastically," Not."

My fist clenched and unclenched.

Homicide at SHIELD Academy.

I can hear the Channel 4 News right now. I sigh. It's a beautiful sound.

I stay silent. I am getting tired of his antics. My pose becomes hostile and Natasha takes a hesitant step towards me. I give her a side glance telling her in more ways to stay back.

"I can see the incident impacted you _greatly_ ," He said, smug smile spread across his face.

Can I shoot him in the face?

"I can see it didn't impact your ego," I say proudly. I can hear a couple of people chuckle behind me and my pose doesn't waver. He licks his lips and adjust his stance. I continue. "Why are you here, Stark? Calling me like I'm your bitch? If you hated me so much why do you constant want my attention?"

So many question and so little answers. What a shame.

"You know what I see? A man pretending to play God. A man that looks so low it feels like it's the best drug you have ever had. Stark, I want you to take a second and fucking breathe before you say any stupid, witty shit," My gaze is fixed on no one but him. His stare is penetrating but I can take it.

I have been taking it for so long.

"Bruce…you look the same," I commented.

"Same goes for Thor and T'Challa," He responded. I turned my gaze slightly to look at the two," Only people that majorly changed here is you and Tony."

I smiled a little before turning my gaze back to Tony.

"Virginia?" Clint asked with a smug face. My smile dropped and was immediately replaced with anger. I wasn't in the mood for…just him.

"Piss off, Barton, this doesn't concern you," I demand. I didn't want to look at his face. Ugh his face just annoyed the shit out of me. His _existence_ annoyed me. Someone please just put a paper bag over his fucking head.

He was trying to take a step toward me before Natasha intercepted," You don't want to pull on that thread."

He walked toward me with pride until he realized I was practically a foot taller than him. "Just because you've finally hit puberty, Rogers, doesn't mean I can't kick your ass."

 _Natasha warned him. Time. To. Kick. Some. Ass._

First thing we have ever agreed on.

He punches. I dodge. He is good with his hands so that should go first. As he quickly pulls back for another punch I grab his fist before pushing it back. All at once I break his shoulder, knuckles and wrist. He screams and I wince. I didn't mean to do that. Wait. Did I? Eh, maybe a little. Even with one full arm practically broken he continues to fight. I have to give him that. He's brave. Unlike before his punches aren't pulled and his kicks aren't either. He is literally trying to kill me. He moves quicker than before, faster. Pushing his body to the limit.

Should I show mercy?

 _What is mercy?_

The shark watches as the fish plays his game.

I continue to block his punches.

 _Remember what he did to us._

The memories flash here and there.

" _Look who it is! It's Virginia!"_

" _Are you ever gonna hit puberty?"_

" _Have you ever even made contact with a woman other than your mom? Oh I forgot you didn't have a mom!"_

" _You are nothing, Rogers. And you always will be."_

Tears threaten to break through and I clutch my fist. My muscles tense and flex all over. It is beginning to take control.

 _He called us **nothing**_ _! He made us feel like **nothing**!_

The fish grows bigger and the shark stops.

Finally everything just seems to snap. I stop blocking his hits and his blows hit me full on but the pain…I didn't feel it. I didn't feel a damn thing. Then I let it take over. I let that nagging feeling in the back of my head drive the car for a little bit while I ponder in the passenger seat. His weak blows mean nothing to me and before I know it I am beating him. Punch after punch after punch. Unfortunately they aren't pulled. Well, unfortunately for him they aren't. He falls to the ground still moving. I can hear his heart beating erratically. His lungs try to support him but I think I broke one of them. Same goes for one of his ribs. He tries so hard to crawl away from me but his attempts are nothing but in vain. I grab him by the ankle and yank him towards me. My hand wraps around his throat like a vice grip before I lift him in the air as if he was a feather. Tighter and tighter my grip gets. I can snap his neck. It would be so easy yet so effortless it would feel as if he didn't suffer at all. No, I want him to suffer. I want him to know when the Devil comes knocking at his door to tell him it's time to go. I want him to know when death approaches cause I will be there throwing him in the gates of hell myself.

My hand grows tighter around his throat.

The shark stares as the fishes jaws open wide to swallow it whole.

Just a little more pressure…

"Rogers!"

I open my eyes and I am dragged out of my…thoughts.

The fish swims away as if nothing happened.

I blink to see them still there in front of me. I was day dreaming again. That dream was more than a little hostile but…What the hell was that? That was a full on barbaric assault. I could have killed him. I could have- I gritted my teeth and soon enough images began to flash in my head. Me holding his throat. Me ripping her ap-

"I don't have time for this," I needed to get out fast. That feeling. That same feeling I had felt when I had woken up. My head began to pulse, my muscles throbbed with an undesirable amount of pain, my ears had a constant ringing just flowing through them, my eyes attempting to reach the farthest corners of the room, my nose catching every whiff of sweat and deodorant in the room, and I could feel it all. I could feel the vibrations, the weight of the gravity, the rotation of the earth, my heart beat, flow of my blood. My eyes began to dilate.

I could feel it all but it felt so wrong.

What is happening to me?

I attempt to walk through them but I can't. Someone is blocking my path. Something. I look up to see a robot standing in front of me. Somehow instead of just hearing the mechanics inside of it I can hear the motor powering its functions. I could hear the sparks, the oil, the fuel, everything that made it a robot.

"Get. Out. Of. My. Way," I demanded through gritted teeth. I was going through a life changing crisis and he wanted to beat me up.

"Sir, Mr. Rogers, has been injected with a serum which has and is still currently enhancing his being. Mr. Odinson's body has slightly been tampered and corrupted with electric currents that have singed itself into his biometrics. Mr. T'Challa's DNA has been overwhelmed with a toxin of a heart-shaped herb indigenous to Wakanda…Sir, my scanners say that the serum in Mr. Rogers' body has been corrupted," The robot said in front of me. An AI. I remember Tony called it JARVIS.

"Thanks, J," Tony said to what I assumed would be the machine.

"You're welcome, sir," The robot walked back towards Tony. I was so distracted by it that I didn't realize what was still happening to me until my hands started to shake.

 _Calm down._

"Wait, did you just say _corrupted_?" Jane asked. She took a grand step out of the crowd with Darcy and Sam following behind. Thor protectively stalked behind her.

"Yes, ma'am, the serum in Mr. Rogers has been corrupted," JARVIS said. Hold on a fucking second my DNA, my body, _everything_ was fucking corrupted?

Well that explains a shit load. So that second sub-conscious…Is that supposed to be there? Or is it my corruption?

 _I am not your corruption._

Shit! My body was stock still but everything inside was freaking out. My heart beat it wasn't – it wasn't beating as fast as it did. It was still beating but at a slower pace. The blood coursing through my body seemed so corrupted it didn't feel like mine. This _body_ didn't feel like mine. The power, _the pain_ , coursing through me didn't feel like mine. Everything was fucked up. Mood swings, strained senses, pulsing muscles, pain. Just pain. And cold. I could practically feel the heat drain from my body void of any warmth.

"The serum was corrupted with an antibody that enhanced the mental instability and a growing obsession with sadism but if I am right there must be a trigger for he is not showing any signs of bloodlust," The robot said andNatasha's face lit with a sort of recognition and my gaze immediately shot to her. What was she hiding?

"I need some air," I whisper and practically run outside. The limited oxygen was becoming too much. _Everything_ was becoming too much. I wasn't a sadist. I never would be. If I was kill me now. With barely any clothing on I ran outside faster than Bolt could run a mile.

"What is wrong with him?" Tony asked.

"What is wrong with you?" Jane commented and Stark's gaze turned to her. Challenging and definitive.

"What do you mean, Mrs. Foster?"

"I mean your robot just told him he was a sadist and mentally unstable and could snap any fucking second. How the hell would you take it?" She asked, furious, protective.

"Vodka on the rocks," He said with a shrug of his shoulder.

"You piece of sh-," A comforting hand was placed on her shoulder and she looked back to see Thor with a death glare on the billionaire. He was angry. He wanted to hurt him as much as she did but he had more control and at that moment Jane couldn't help but thank him with a smile.

"Natas-," Clint turned to get Natasha's attention but she wasn't there.

I don't know where I was going but before I knew it I was standing on the edge of a building. A very tall building. Don't worry I was still on campus. The cops weren't chasing after me. I wasn't being hunted down by some psycho path. No, it was just me and the world. Calm. Peaceful. Bliss. And unceremoniously amount of time.

This was me in my moment. My…zone.

"Beautiful isn't it?" I said and continued to look out onto into the beautiful abyss.

"…Gorgeous," She whispered after a moment. I could hear her heart slightly racing.

"You're not a height person?" I asked her, slightly turning my head. A whispered 'No' filled my ears and I nodded with a smile.

"Me neither," I could just feel the tilt of her head as confusion took over her. If I didn't like heights why was on the top of the school? Truth is I just wasn't thinking about where I was more like what I was doing. This moment was so bliss there was absolutely no room for fear. One of those rare moments. Those rare moments when time seemed to stop and your worries just disappear. God, the view was so beautiful. From the top of the school you could just see a row of mountains with snow enveloping the top of it. At this moment you could see the sun set. It was a beautiful sight. SHIELD Academy wasn't local or normal or ordinary. We live here, we sleep here, and we get ready here. It wasn't a public school but one for privacy. I liked the silence but the isolation was kind of…mentally challenging.

"You jumping?" She asked quietly and I actually laughed.

"Suicide isn't on my list of priorities," I muttered, to lost in the moment. "Along time ago…When my mother would wake me up for school I would always ask five more minutes. She said 'You can sleep when you're dead' and I would always ask what that meant. She would respond with 'Life is supposed to be treasured and every moment, every breath, every picture, should be taken to memory cause you never know when it's going to end'. After that she would smile and say I wouldn't understand until I got older. I never knew what she meant till now."

She didn't say anything back and I took that as an opportunity.

"Who were the people that corrupted the serum in my body?" I don't turn around but I can hear her heart skip a beat. "When JARVIS mention something about it being corrupted I could smell your…worry."

"Our adversary, HYDRA, has been trying to tamper with our material for years," She muttered.

"They thought they would ruin the serum but they only enhanced it, Am I correct?" I ask and teeter-totter on the heels of my feet.

"Yes," She breathed. I didn't need any other information. Was there really any explanation for changing a man's biometrics?

My point exactly.

Silence stretched between us both and the only thing I could hear was the softness of the snowflakes fall to the ground. It was a beautiful silence but I needed to do one thing. "Come here."

"What?"

"Come here," I say softly and look back towards her. She is practically shivering with that small jacket wrapped around her but I kind of froze when I saw her. The white snowflakes that had fallen into her hair had seemed to sort of illuminate its fierceness. Her porcelain skin glowed along with her vibrant red lips. Slowly and carefully she walked towards me, arms folded across her chest, chin slightly tucked to her chest, and muscles tensed.

"Give me your hand."

She looked at me with an eyebrow raised.

"Do you trust me?" I ask and she froze as if the cold had finally gotten to her. I could see it in her eyes. She was slightly shocked and scared. It was as if no one had asked her this question before. She seemed scared of the question. I don't know what she had been through but in this moment it didn't matter. Slowly I stuck my hand out and soon enough a smooth hand skimmed over mine.

"I…trust you," She said quietly and I brought her closer to the edge of the roof.

"Stand right here I will be right back," I said as idea popped in my head. I took off like lightning.

"Steve-," I was back but with actual clothes on, a thick blanket, and a Beats speaker. She looked unsurely at me and I shrugged with a slight smirk.

"Instead of going to your dorm we are going to stay up here," I explain and walk up towards her. She stares at me with wonder in her eyes and I look at her the same way. I sit down next to her before grabbing her hand and helping her ease her way down also. Once she is fully secured next to me I wrap the blanket around both of us before placing the Beats speaker down and pressing play.

When I did 'Turn Down For What' started blasting through the speaker and I almost broke the thing trying to stop it.

"Uh…Sorry but Darcy bought me this for my birthday. I don't know how to work it or what is on it," I mutter and hit the what I presume to be the skip button. Soon a soothing beat flows through relaxing my worn ears.

 _Hey-ey, yeah, yeah-yeah, yeah, yeah_

 _Hey-ey, yeah, yeah-yeah, yeah, yeah_

 _Hey-ey, yeah, yeah-yeah, yeah, yeah_

I adjust myself next to her and look out at the beautiful view. She practically yanks my body towards her with enough force to yank my jacket off. I laugh a little and put my arm behind her. I don't know what it is but she her it was like her body was shaped perfectly for mine. It…It just fit so perfectly. The curves of her body fit perfectly into the dips of mine.

 _Why you so afraid?_

 _I can see you hating, hating, hating_

 _Withering away_

Both of us stare into the luxurious view with nothing but the soothing music behind us. Damn, I breathed out. It was like that moment when we had been in the gym but we were both looking at something else. Well, that is what I thought. I couldn't focus on the view but the beautiful woman sitting beside me. Those green luminescent eyes, her bright red lips, that porcelain skin, and her fiery hair. That was my main focus. _She_ was my main focus. Her smell, her skin, her touch, her presence. Everything about her intoxicated me.

 _I can see you dying, dying, dead, dying_

 _Why? Why?_

 _Baby see_

 _Try_

Maybe it was my courage. Maybe it was my bravery. Maybe it was my self but my thumb raised and swiped her hair out of her face. It was blocking my view. I heard her heart pick up a beat. She was looking at my eyes but her gaze soon flicked to my lips. We were so close. I could feel her breath on my neck and it shivers up my spine. Her beauty enraptured her and also me. I had never felt whatever this feeling was in the pit of my stomach.

 _I can love you better than she, yeah_

 _I can love you better than she can_

 _How couldn't you see?_

Hesitantly she swiped my hair out of my face also.

"Damn, your hands are cold," I breathe out and she smiles a little. Her hand works its way down the side of my head until she is cupping my chin. She tugs slightly and I don't need any other persuasion to move slightly forward. She actually made me forget that I have never kissed a woman in my life and I don't know how to. Hey! Maybe I am a natural kisser. Hell, were about to find out. She sits up and her nose grazes mine. The sensation sends volts of electricity through me. She sits straight and for a moment she is slightly taller than me. Her eyes are locked on my lips and mine, hers. Her very, very, red lips.

 _All the water's cold, cold, cold_

 _While you lied to me_

 _You hide in a hole, hole, hole_

 _And why don't you see?_

She closes her eyes. Mine are in a haze still locked on her lips which part. She breathes out.

 _Yeah, baby try_

Her hand slides down to my neck. Mine have a death grip on the blanket.

 _Try to see_

Her mouth is so close to mine and I breathe in her scent. I lick my lips and try to tilt my head in some sort of way.

 _Yeah, try, yeah_

I can feel her lips graze mine cold and soft.

 _I can love you better than she can, can, can_

"Steve," My head shoots towards the sound.

Peggy

 _I can love you better than she can_

Natasha seems to pause where she is, hand still on my neck, breath against my neck, her body leant against mine, eyes still closed as if she was trying to relinquish the moment but part of her knew the moment was gone.

 _Can, can, can, can, can_

"I-I was coming to check up on you. Everyone is worried about you," She said and I could smell anger and a bit of sadness radiating off her pheromones. Natasha released a held breath before opening her eyes and easing her hand off my neck.

 _I can love you better than she._

"Natasha…Your _boyfriend_ is looking for you," Clint. Her boyfriend. The one I despised and hated. _That_ boyfriend. I rolled my neck. Natasha looked away and back into the distance. I nod and stand up while brushing the snow off of my pants. With doubt clouding some of my mind I help Natasha out of the snow. I grab the Beats pill and the blanket and follow both ladies down the side of the building. Once we are down Natasha walks towards Clint before giving him a kiss. I can't explain the feeling in my stomach but it's on the border of jealousy and sadness. And for some reason I could hear my own heart crack. Peggy looks at me while I look at Natasha with longing. She grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze. My eyes shoot towards her and I attempt a smile.

 _I can love you better than she can_

 **. . . . .**

 **Later that day…**

Jealousy. The thing I despised. The thing I never had the chance to feel. The thing that was coursing through me. I sat in the chair and stared out the window. Mixed emotions. Conflicted thoughts. What is peace? Please blame me for the human I am. Well…the super, enhanced, human. She was about to kiss me. I was about to -. No I take it back. I don't know what I was about to do. I didn't know how to kiss. All I knew was how to give you a proper kiss on the cheek and not to put my hand to low. Nothing on kissing. Real kissing. God, why am I so lame? We were so close until…until Peggy interrupted. I could smell her sadness. My jealousy had dissipated into guilt.

This was how she felt.

"So…What is your answer, Rogers?"

"Um…Natasha said the organization named…HYDRA had injected this corrupted enhancer of some sort into the serum flowing through my body. If I were to join SHIELD would I be able to get into the HYDRA base or whatever and find a cure?" I ask. My fingers shyly tangling with each other.

"Possibly, yes, but there is a high chance that there is no cure but if you find what they had injected you with we could possibly make an antidote. But I am going to tell you right now…It won't change who you are now. It will just fight back against the corrupting virus," Fury sat against the desk, hands clasped over each other.

"What other thing is there for me to say…I'm in," I said and raised my head.

"You sure? Once you're there is no going out," He asked me and I have never said yes faster in my life. He laughed. "Well ok then. You will be updated tomorrow but for right now have a good night Mr. Rogers."

I nodded to him before rising up and shaking his outstretched. "It's going to be nice working with you, Rogers."

As I was through the door I shouted back," Just because I am your first super human doesn't mean you can treat me like your bitch!"

Walking through the hallway I could hear him laughing.

 **Later that night…**

I walked toward my dorm, pep in my stride, and a smile on my face. The hallways were slightly dark and I looked at my phone to see it was 10:22. Damn, time went by fast. As I was approaching my dorm I pulled out the key but paused in my tracks. I could smell a familiar scent, a heart beating rapidly, and feel the warmth radiating off of her.

"Peggy," I breathed, my head still down. I refused to look at her because if I did I would look at her with so much guilt. Of course she doesn't know I felt it but it bore into my skin like a virus spreading without reconcile. I fumbled with the keys in my hand trying to avoid direct eye contact.

"I heard what happened in the gym…," She muttered so quietly I could barely hear her. I realized that she wasn't sad about what happened in the gym but awkward about what occurred on the roof. I licked my lips and looked away shamelessly.

"Look about what happened-," She interrupted me.

"No…It's fine-," My dominance was profound.

"No it's not. I barely know her and I…," I trailed off into silence and couldn't help but scoff at myself," I apologize if I upset you. Is there anything I can do to make it up with you?"

"Yes, actually," I adjusted my stance and leant towards her direction prepared for whatever embarrassing thing she wanted me to do," Go out with me."

I dropped my keys and my jaw dropped. Did she just ask me out? My mind was blank except for the one the thing that nabbed at me. Why was she interested in me? I was a nothing in a world full of somethings. She could practically find any man that bow at her feet for just one speck of attention. What was so special about plain old Steve Rogers? The name was so unfamiliar to me. Because Steve Rogers didn't exist. If he did he was invisible. If I died today the world would go on without me as if my death wasn't a major impact. As if my _death_ didn't fucking matter. Who was I to the world? Nothing for them to be concerned about.

"I'm sorry…What?" I wanted for her to repeat the question. I _needed_ her to repeat the question.

"I thought you had super hearing," She said and I laughed, swinging my body to the side. And for a moment everything seemed to slow down, the flutter of her heart, the skip of mine, the quiet movement of her feet, the specs of dust that were floating through the atmosphere, and the movement of the Earth on its axis. If this is what is going to feel like from now on I didn't want it to stop.

"Yeah, sure."

 **Lol Please don't hate me.**


	6. Hidden in plain sight

**45 motherducking pages.**

 **I hope you guys enjoy.**

Blood. Pain. Sweat. Red. Plain red. I walked through what seemed to be a warehouse. It was cloudy and foggy. I could barely see anything but things began to come clear as I walked farther. Bodies. Everywhere. Blood. Everywhere. Darcy lie there next to Jane, dead on the ground. I attempted to yell, to scream, to cry their names but the only thing that came was silence. Silence I wish I could fill. Thor and T'Challa were propped up next to each other, blood splattered across their faces. I tried again but nothing came out. The rest, Tony, Clint, Pepper, Bobbi, and Betty were there also, blood practically flowing from their bodies. And below them all was-. Oh my God. I felt something on my hands. A sort of liquid? A very sticky liquid. I looked down only to realize it was blood. _Their_ blood. All of them. This time when I did try to scream it did come out.

I shoot up from my bed, struggling to breathe air into my starving lungs. It was a dream. That is all it was. A dream but why did it feel so real. My body goes lax from the realization.

"Shit," I whisper and wipe the sweat off my face.

Suddenly someone comes bursting through my door. Two someone's actually.

"Who?! What?! Where is it?!" Bucky yelled currently wielding a hockey stick with nothing but his underwear on and a football helmet. Thor came in all big and bulky with a big ass hammer in his hand with nothing but a t-shirt and boxers on. Was I the only who wore briefs?

"Who has harmed you, Sir Steven?" Thor's booming voice sounds threatening on its own and I winced at his tone.

"Woah! Woah! We are not about to fight fucking Godzilla! Calm the fuck down!" I yell. They look like they are ready to fight World War Z. Their eyes were filled with protectiveness and determination. It was funny really. I get upgraded into a super soldier and they still have the need to protect me. That is what you call family.

The tension in their bodies eased away and their stance quickly went back to one of laziness. Both of them stood there with their mouths agape staring at me with sleepy eyes. "Are you fucking serious?"

"I am dead serious," I say and get up from the bed. Both of their mouths drop.

"Hot diggity damn," Bucky muttered.

"The hot diggity damn indeed," Thor repeated. I looked at them both, confused and still a little drowsy.

Soon enough some others busted through our door. Unfortunately for us it was morning time therefore they were either shirts or skins. Buck, Thor, and I were mainly skins. Me. I had nothing on but briefs. T'Challa had on some sweatpants, Jane had on a see through nightgown with lacey undergarments, Darcy had on a tank top and some shorts, and Sam had on a t-shirt with some basketballs shorts on. Damn, I wish it wasn't morning. They weren't only barely clothed but they also had weapons. A baseball bat, a metal pot, and none other than a fucking taser. It was always the fucking taser.

"Where is he?!"

"Is anyone hurt?!"

"What happened?!"

"I got my taser and I am not afraid to use it!"

"Whose ass needs to be kicked?"

I jump on my bed and duck. Darcy was half asleep with something covering her eyes therefore with the bat in her hand she was dangerous. I ducked again as her sleepy reign of terror continued.

"Darcy!"

The bat swung again and I jumped up and luckily missed her bat. The same didn't go for Sam though. As her bat swung Sam was paying too much attention to me to notice the bat coming his way and unfortunately for him Darcy had located her target. She hit him in the stomach. He bent down to nurse his abdomen only to get hit straight in the face with the oncoming bat. All of us winced at the ass-whooping Darcy was giving Sam. Darcy was about to go for another hit when Sam grabbed the bat and yanked it to the ground.

"Hey!" Darcy whined and began to wake up. She removed her face mask and looked around her in a confused state. "Um, where am I? How did I get here?"

"Um, Jane?" Bucky waved at her and she was still stuck in a haze. She hummed but didn't take her gaze off of me. Good God, I needed to put some clothes on. "You might want to cover up."

Everyone's gazes shot toward Jane and suddenly she realized that we could see straight through she jumped behind Thor. "Lady Jane."

"Thor," She said and grabbed onto his shoulders," Good morning."

"Good morning," He said slightly stunned out of his mind. He was practically frozen. I swore I heard his heart skip a beat. It was amazing really. The beauty of…them. I stared intently at them. This love was rare. Raw. Fresh. Young. Beautiful. I wonder what it feels like for someone to love you. I am not talking about brotherly love. I am talking about I want to kiss you until my last breath kind of love. Maybe one day but today was one of another.

"Here ya' go, Jane," I grabbed a shirt from my drawer and threw it toward her. She caught it and as we waited for her to put it on she looked at us with expectance. We all wondered what she was talking about before we realized there were more sausages than donuts. I coughed loudly trying to tell the others implicitly on what to do. They all coughed and turned around away from nearly naked Jane.

"So, um, guys I am going to be doing something later tonight and I was wondering if you guys wanted to come over and watch a movie before I leave," I said, trying to ease the tension.

"Sounds good," Bucky said.

"I'm in," Darcy and Sam said before giving each other a fist bump.

"Totally with you guys," T'Challa said.

"What they said," Jane murmured, too concentrated on putting my shirt on.

"What she said," Thor commented and all of us couldn't help but laugh.

"Ah, classic," Buck said with a big smile.

"I am done," Jane said and when I turned around I saw her adjust her bra. I cringed and saw Thor eyeing her. Both Bucky and I laugh at the sight.

"Good, I am getting tired of staring at Steve's ass," Sam commented and I couldn't help but laugh.

* * *

 **Lunch…**

"You have to help me, T'Challa, I beg of you," This was fucking useless.

"I don't know what you need help with, my friend," His smile was so smug.

"It controls me, it infatuates me…Man, you have to help me," I practically beg. Ever since I learned about the sadist bullshit and the mentally unstable stuff I have been seeking help from T'Challa. The people from Wakanda have a history of helping people to wipe their mind clean of any wrongness or sinful. Mainly they help cleanse the mind and body while unlocking your inner self. Sometimes it's bad and sometimes it's good.

"Come on. I need the help-," He interrupted me.

"It is called روحانی رابطہ," He said and I looked at him for clarification," The spiritual connection. It is a dangerous pursuit in the mind. It opens everything, your fears, your nightmares, your dread, your happiness, whatever tricks your mind into slipping. The process is painful besides you have a date to get to anyway."

The thought shot through my head like a bullet. Yeah, I totally forgot even though I constantly muttered it in my sleep. It was an overwhelming feeling I must admit. I had never been on a…date. How do you date? Is there a lot of kissing? Is there a lot of talking? I don't like talking. If I am nervous and I say something it just goes on and on and on. I was better at reading body language than talking. I don't think I can do this. She was Princess and I was a peasant. She could get any guy she wanted and I couldn't even get a girl off a matchmaking website. Pathetic. Am I right?

"This is actually my first date ever," I mutter and play with my fingers nervously, waiting for the onslaught of his response.

"Well in that case you will be fine, my friend," He said with a pearly white smile.

"You've got to be kidding me," I say and he laughs. I get T'Challa was a wise man with connections to some type of Voodoo but it wasn't cutting it for me. Especially with all the bullshit he was feeding me. He was about to say something when a crowd began to walk towards us. A big crowd. Both me and T'Challa looked up to see them. Our adversaries. Well his clan if that counts. My spine practically straightened on its own.

"Hello boys. Mind if we join you?" Pepper asks with Bobbi, Rhodi, Betty, Peggy, and Natasha behind her. My brain is overload. Thoughts racing through trying to find a program or filter to process this moment. I can't take my eyes off of Pepper but I can see T'Challa smiling like an idiot with his arms crossed. My eyes roam over all of them and no not sexually. It became instinct to analyze a possible enemy. Only thing dangerous I could see besides Natasha's covertly hidden knife was their heels.

"Hello?" She asked and dipped.

T'Challa snapped his fingers in my face and somehow my body went immediately into action. Bucky who sat beside me covered his smile with his hand and pretended to cough. Thor on the other side of T'Challa was slightly confused. I was trying to transfer from haze to reality.

"Yeah," I breathe," Sure."

They sit down so gracefully it's like their floating on invisible clouds. Damn this was a new day. The popular kids sitting with the unpopular kids. A fucking revolution. Once they were settled they all lay eyes on me but my eyes were focused on Peggy. By the way she looked so unsure I am assuming she had been accepted into the popular clique. She was moving up.

"So are you the infamous Steve Rogers?" Pepper asked.

"In the flesh," I mutter but I can't take my eyes off of Peggy. She is blushing under my gaze on her neck. Her pheromones are intoxicating but soon it overwhelmed by one of anger. Jealousy. I look at Natasha. She looks almost emotionless but nothing is fooling this nose. Her eyes reach mine and she attempts to cover her mask with another but she has already given me a glimpse of what is underneath.

"Interesting," Bobbi said," I thought you were smaller."

I winced slightly. "Well that is what steroids will do to you."

"You've certainly changed."

"Unfortunately, him being a smartass didn't," Bucky muttered and they laughed. Except for me and neither did Natasha. She was ignoring my gaze.

"If you don't mind me asking, um, why are you here exactly?" I ask and switch my gaze to Pepper.

"Well isn't it obvious? You, of course. After yesterday's charade you're the talk of the town. People are going to be seeking your…attention and we are here to see what you are all about," She explained and smoothed her hands down her skirt. She had a point. People have been coming to me asking weird, random, and stupid questions. To the junkies I was the new drug that everyone craved. To the jockeys I was the upcoming football star. To the nerds I was a used to be geek. To the popular I was fresh meat.

"All of you?" I ask and I immediately look at Natasha who shoots me a glare.

"Yeah…All of us," Pepper's gaze transfixed on both me and Natasha. She smiled and I wondered what was going on in that mind of hers. She was Tony's girlfriend. And that meant two things. Bitchy or what held him back. It seemed to be the latter every time she said something. Part of me understood it, Yin and Yang. She was good and he was bad but together they were serenity. I couldn't help but admire the beauty of it.

I wanted to say," Please spare me your words and kill me now."

But what came out was," Great."

"The sarcasm in your tone must be very hard to hide," Maria commented and I nodded, happily, in agreement.

"Look I am going to be straight forward with you…I hate all of you…except for the two red-heads," I motion towards Natasha and Peggy with my thumb. "They have grown on me. I hate what you stand for, what you do, and who you hang with. Honestly I don't hate you as a person but you everything that you define."

They stare at me all, mouths agape.

"Same," Bucky agrees. T'Challa nods.

"James you came to our party two weeks ago," I couldn't help but stifle a laugh. Even though he wants to protect me and be there for me he forgets he has his own life and I don't wish to take that away from him.

"Oh, yeah, right," He looks as if he is attempting to remember the moment he went before the thought clicks in his head. He looks at me, filled with shame, but I already forgave him before the thought even crossed his mind.

"Maybe you could grow on me. I don't really know but what I do know is that you are not here to make friends but up your rep," It isn't hard to read the most popular girls on campus," I am not going to be used _to_ up your rep. You want to become friends? Fine by me but it is going to be kind of hard after six years of ass-kicking and beat downs."

"Six years?"

She questions the numbers. It is fact. Logic. Even before we came to this hell hole I knew all of them in high school. But they didn't know me.

"We went to High School together. Stan Lee Academy, four years running, we never talked. Hell, you didn't even know I existed. I can't blame you. I was pretty small at the time and a mouse could top me."

"We went to High School together?" She is thinking hard, trying to place my face. "Oh you were smallsy ball-."

She stops when she recognizes the look on my face.

"My point exactly," I mutter toward them.

"Ok," She puts her hands up in defeat," Fine. You are right."

I feel like she is playing me but I follow along sweetly.

"We did ignore you. We did kind of kick you around-."

"Kind of?"

"Ok, we did kick you around but ever since we made our new friend," She motions towards Peggy," We have turned on a new lease on life. Isn't that right ladies?"

Maria plants her hands on the table and leans forward," Absolutely."

Bobbi shifts in her seat and sighs as if she gave up drinking and we all know that ain't true," A new lease on life."

"Yeah," Natasha's voice is low and oddly seductive," Most definitely."

Betty smiles at me," It is a new day."

"See? Things are different now," Pepper confirms and I nod but somehow through it all silence stretches over us like a storm. I want to know for sure. They don't seem nervous. They seem ecstatic and joyful to make a new 'friend'. I don't know how I should feel about it but I have to admit I am kind of nervous. Then someone pipes up.

"So…a little birdie told us that you already got snagged by a _very_ lucky lady," Bobbi Morris, one of the top bitches in town, said," Is it true?"

They were all looking at me for an answer except T'Challa who was silently eating his apple sauce with a smile on his face. Even Peggy was looking at me for confirmation that 'we' were still happening. Natasha. Good God, Natasha. Her face was empty but damn her pheromones were raging. I saw her hand slip underneath a table but I didn't need to know what she was doing. I heard the knife clink against the table but that only summoned an ass load of bravery.

"Yeah, I actually am," I said and all of them looked at me in shock well except for Peggy. She smiled at me but for some reason I didn't reciprocate it.

"Woah look who is already tea-bagging," Just that statement generally pissed me off," Who is the lucky lady?"

"Don't you know? It's Carter. Isn't that right Peggy?"

"Bobbi-," Pepper tried to warn her to stop.

"I thought she was getting it with Clint. They have been spending a lot of time together."

That was it. God, they thought ever since I got this upgrade I was some sort of man-whore. And Clint? She was spending time with Clint? I had never seen those two talk before. I couldn't even fathom their friendship. Control was slipping quickly and next thing I know my 'Super Soldier Senses' came to life.

 _Blonde, five-five, barely any training, easy take-down._

Ah, shit.

"Same old, same old," I shoot up from my chair and almost take the table with me. They all looked at me with shameful eyes but I continued to walk away.

 _Brunette, five-four, self-defense, contacts. Blind her then take her down._

I almost tripped over chair.

 _Five-nine, krav-maga, karate, self-defense, strong build. Tire her before putting her down._

I accidentally knocked someone down. "Excuse me."

As soon as I made it outside I immediately collapsed onto the ground. It felt like it was trying to strangle me, trying to swallow me whole. My heart kept seizing and it felt as if a hand was trying to squeeze my heart into nothing. Was the serum trying to kill me? Or was into trying to turn me into blood-loving sadist? Whatever it was, was taking a toll on me. This _power_ was turning more into a curse. The cold winter day seemed to calm my raging fire. The ground was cold as well and it did more than help. I felt like one of those power generators. When I start to grow warmer it's like I want nothing to do but hurt. When I overheat it feels like I am about to explode. The cold sustains me. The cold gives me the control.

But there is something nagging at the back of my head constantly. It's like a switch or something like that. It practically itches, begging for my attention. If I flipped it instead of it torturing me it would consume me. It would give me control but in a different way. I would comply in a different way. I would comply with the bad thoughts. Killing. Not a care in the world. But I am not like that. My mom taught me to be good. My mom taught me to make the right decisions even in a tough situation. God, I miss her. She was my safe haven if you would call it. My dad didn't necessarily care. Every time I got in a fight he would tell me to put my hands up next time and to suck it up. My mother was more merciful. She would give me an icepack, kiss my cheek, and pat my head before walking off. It was a tough love kind of life but it was mine. Rarely anything these days you could call yours.

Finally, I had calmed down. The heat had expelled from my body and the cold took over. It was a good feeling. Breathing in that cold air seemed to stimulate my body.

 _We good now?_

I would think so because I don't have the need to kill anyone anymore.

 _That's just the part of the corrupted serum._

No shit.

 _Anyway, come on smartass we have a class to get to._

* * *

 **Anatomy…**

Kill me now.

* * *

 **Art…**

Ever since we were given the project Mr. Kelvin gave us the time in class to do it. I still didn't know what I was going to do. Like really. I haven't even thought about making it a sculpture or a portrait. Shit I was stumped. Naturally I would know what to draw. It would come so easily but it felt as if something was blocking that part of my mind. I looked over at Natasha who was drawing or sculpting. I don't know what the hell she was doing but she looked like she was into it. Like the drawing just flowed from her hands so effortlessly.

"What happened to needing help? Or was that all part of the spy stuff?" I ask her and turn my gaze back to my blank canvas.

"Convincing wasn't it?" She asked as she continues to paint across her canvas. I couldn't see it but whatever it was intrigued her to the full extent because she hadn't turned her gaze away from it. As I got up to see it before a mysterious force grabbed me and next thing I know I am in my seat.

"I can't let you see it," She smiled wryly and I couldn't help but smile back.

"Come on," I begged," Let me see it."

I tried to get it up again but she planted her hand on my chest and shoved me down.

"Can you at least tell me what it is?" I ask her practically pleading. She had that quirk in her eyebrows as if I intrigued her or amused her. She was thinking obviously about what to do or what to say. I tilted my head in expectance. She smiled at me in response with teeth and everything.

"If I told you I would have to kill you," She muttered underneath her breath.

"I am willing to take that chance," Natasha smiled at me in challenge. She killed me with that smile every time. I feel like I just literally died and went to heaven. There I saw her in all her glory with that same smile until God smacked me back down to Earth. It hurt but it was worth it. Shit, why am I having these thoughts?

 _Isn't it obvious? Hormones._

I scoff and scratch the back of my head. I wasn't talking about that but the fact that I was supposed to be going on a date with Peggy Carter and I am sitting here thinking about another woman's smile. Part of me feels guilty but the other part was just getting started. I shook my head. Ever had that feeling that universe was trying to tear you into two parts? I had that feeling all the time. Peggy she was saw me when there was nothing there to see. I don't know about Natasha though. She saw me but she didn't acknowledge me. She made me feel _alive._ That I was there. She gave me that feeling that there was nothing there but you, her, and the air we breathe. Why was this so complicated? I look at Natasha who had continued her drawing or painting. Whatever it was she was inspired by it, driven by it, _lived_ by it.

Then it smacked me in the face.

Really hard.

I couldn't have reached for that pencil any faster than I could have ran a mile. In the process I almost fall out of my seat. Natasha quirks an eyebrow at me before returning to her…creativity. Quickly I brush it off and return to my civic duties. It flows so naturally from my hand it doesn't even feel real. Should that concern me? It really should but I am to in the zone to even care. It is hypnotizing yet enticing at the same time. Next thing I know paint is everywhere, on my clothes, on the floor, on my face, on my arms, and even on the canvas. It should be on the canvas most definitely. I pause then realize I might be going insane…

But I don't fucking care!

I am too damn happy. I am next to Mr. Kelvin in a nano-second with my canvas clutched tightly in my hand. Everyone stares at me including Mr. Kelvin but I remember…

I don't fucking care!

My smile is so wide that it hurts my cheeks and I try to stop but it won't go away.

I am too damn happy!

"What do you think?" I practically shove it into his face and he drops his tea. My mind slows the motion and my hand shoots out to catch it. I give it back to him immediately and he looks at me stupefied. All the professors and counselors know about the incident and I could understand his reaction. They haven't seen me in action. He adjusts the glasses on his face and his beanie before grabbing his cup of tea and analyzing the portrait. His face portrays none of his thoughts. His lips are pursed in thought and he has his arms crossed. His eyes flash between me and the painting and my smiles begins to fade until he smiles.

"I think it's brilliant!" He claps his hands and puts his tea down. With pure excitement he shoves his hands in his pockets and looks at me. "It not only represents the beauty behind the madness but life struggles and their outcome. This is true art."

I jump five feet in the air from giddiness.

"I would give you an 'A' now but I will and won't take any assignments in early," He motioned to the rest of the class with his chin," Give the amateurs some time to start if you know what I mean."

I nod and take my project back with a smile. As I was about to go back to my seat he grabbed my shoulder and turned me around to face him. Mr. Kelvin looked down and put his finger to his lips as if trying a find a way to do something. When he had gotten the answer he looked back up at me and asked," How did you finish that fast, Rogers? News about the accident has been roaming these halls for quite a while but…I am not talking about that kind of fast. I am talking about where did you get this idea. When you walked in you looked stumped and next thing I know I have a student taller than me with 'A' plus already."

"Let's just say…I had a little inspiration," I looked back at Natasha who was still in her own world.

"That is one hell of an inspiration, Rogers," He patted me on the shoulder and went back to his desk. I went back to my stool also. When I got back I sat in my chair with a happy humph. I looked back over to Natasha who was determinedly focused on her painting only to see she had gotten paint on her neck. Instinctively I reached to wipe it off but soon enough I had a vice grip locked around my wrist.

My eyes shot toward her own. Green.

"I-I-uh-I…There was a-There is…,"I paused for a moment and analyzed the situation. Shut the hell up for a moment and let her see the paint or…or…

I got nothing.

She looked at me expectantly with those serene green eyes and her hand still enclosed around my wrist. The touch itself was electrifying. It felt as if electricity had shot up my arm and throughout my body for the rest of me to enjoy. I wetted my lips. My eyes. I could feel them dilate. Darken. When I thought I was about to have another episode I realized my eyes dilating was driven by a…primal desire. Lust was an intoxicating aphrodisiac that I could feel spreading throughout me. Her soft skin against mine only intensified it. I was feeling so high right now.

And I didn't want to come down.

"Steve," She breathes.

Suddenly my phone rings.

I freeze where I am but I am still staring at her. I know it ruined the moment but part of me wanted to rekindle it. Scrap at the loose fabrics and try to put it back together but I couldn't. My efforts were in vain. And as I tried once more to wipe the paint off her neck I resisted the urge to touch her. Her loosening grip on my wrist was enough as it is I couldn't handle it if I touched her porcelain skin. Her eyes bore deep into mine questioning my intentions and also my decisions but I saw something else. Worry. Distrust. Desire. Lo-

"Aren't you going to answer that?" She interrupts my thoughts as if she didn't want me to see what was really going on behind that façade. She lets go of my wrist quickly as if I had burned her. I reach into my back pocket to get my phone. She holds my gaze until I break it to look at the caller I.D.

Peggy Carter.

I look back up at her. She doesn't return my gaze and hesitantly I pick up the phone.

"Hello," I whisper for no apparent reason. It feels like I am keeping a secret. And it is pretty obvious from who. I didn't want Natasha to know but it was too late. She already did and I couldn't help that.

"Hey," She says back to me, happily. Grief runs over me. I look up to see that smile return back to Natasha's face. A smug one nonetheless but I couldn't help but smile in response.

"What's up?" She goes back to her painting but I don't take my eyes off her. Her fingers, her hips, her eyes, her hands, everything about her enlightened me. The way her fingers practically flowed with the brush and how her hand was just an accessory. Her hips moved along with her. I had never seen anyone paint with their hips but it was working for her.

Hell, I sure as hell wasn't complaining.

"Our date," She says and I almost don't hear her.

I was too busy listening to Natasha's heartbeat.

"Yeah, what about it?" I ask and grab the chair in between my legs. The jeans Jane had bought for me at Calvin Klein were loosening day by day and getting easier to tolerate. Thor had bought me a store – like literally a store – full of shoes. At the moment I was wearing black military boots that were untied and a white t-shirt covered in fresh paint. I had one of those I-Don't-Give-Shit and a little of a punk look going on. I totally forgot Darcy had put a beanie on my head this morning when we were watching Scooby Doo after the incident.

"I know you wanted to go to dinner tonight but I was thinking of somewhere else," She said.

Thank God.

Sitting at a table, by ourselves, talking about romance and love, and eating food. They called this a date? Did I say that correctly? A _date._ I haven't been on a _date_ in my life. I just said dinner because it was the first thing that popped into my mind. A movie when a whole lot better. I hope she says were going to the movies. I am literally praying to God right now begging him to take me to the movies. I sit there in silence waiting for some kind of sign or response then I remember.

I didn't go to church last Sunday. Dammit.

"There is going to be a party tonight and I was wandering if you wanted to go there instead," She said and I looked up at the ceiling.

I should have went to church.

"As long as I am with you," I say back and I hear something break. Quickly my gaze shot up towards Natasha but…

She wasn't there.

There was a broken paint brush in her seat, her bag was gone, and her canvas was gone also. It was like she wasn't there at all. No trace. No remnants of her presence in this room other than the lingering smell and the broken paintbrush. I shot up out of my chair to see if she was in the classroom but she wasn't here. In this room. In this moment. She was gone like a ghost. I removed the phone from my ear and my head hung low. An ache made its way into my chest and that feeling were my heart is being swallowed whole is coming back. It feels like a never ending abyss is trying to hold me captive and the only one that can pull me out is her.

 _But she isn't here is she?_

That is the bad thing about it. The abyss swallows me whole and I can't get out. My savior is gone.

Then the bell rings.

* * *

 **My dorm…**

"Come on guys! What do you think?"

"I think you look fine."

"Why are you constantly bitching?"

"You look terrible."

"I don't think that is helping the situation!"

"God, you people have no sense in common fashion!"

"Aren't you going to a party?"

"Yeah."

"Well why the fuck do you look like your about to go to the library?"

I sighed at them all. Bucky was standing on the couch with his arms outstretched in question while looking at Darcy who was giving him the bird. T'Challa and Thor were having an argument on what looked good. And Sam and Jane –the ones with the most common sense- were trying to discuss with them the basis of looking good and _trying_ to look good.

Unfortunately it was the latter.

My plaid, polo, button up was tucked into my khakis with a nice pair of dress shoes to go along with it. Look, don't blame me. I had never been on a date before and I didn't necessarily know what to wear. We were going to a party that part was true but I had never been to a party neither. It was like everything came crashing down again. The loneliness, the bullying, the struggle of not fitting in, being shorter than everyone in the damn building. That rage came back also and involuntarily my fist clutched. Quickly I closed my eyes and breathed through my nose. Control. Was. Necessary. No not necessary. It was _needed._ If I was to survive this hell we called Earth control was something I would need. Constantly, almost every day I would feel as if the world was pushing against me and if I didn't want to fall into the dark abyss I would have to push back.

With all I had.

"Just-!" _Breathe._ "Just go in my room and pick something out for me for God's sakes…and mine."

That silenced them all and they looked at me in shock before all hell broke loose. I knew I was going to regret this decision but it was for the better.

Right?

Bucky jumped over the couch and ran straight towards my room, Thor vaulted, T'Challa did a front flip over the couch, Jane shot up running, and Sam was right behind her. Darcy lie on the floor with her arms outstretched upward and I couldn't help but laugh. I padded over to her before picking her up bridal style and walking her to my room.

"Thank you, my man slave," I laugh and she opens my bedroom door. She goes in and she closes the door.

* * *

 **Five minutes later…**

As I was waiting on them to finish whatever the hell was taking so long my phone rang. I plucked it out of my back pocket and put it to my ear.

"Hello," I answered.

"Natasha?" A man asks on the other side. Quickly I look at the caller ID to see it…This can't be.

Whose phone was this?

"Clint?"

"Rogers?"

He hung up.

* * *

 **Later…After the yelling, scratching, and biting…And also the blood, sweat, and tears…And a little saliva…**

I have to admit I look pretty damn good. I wore a grey button up which I must say was tight as hell. Dark jeans and some white high-tops went along with it. It was casual yet smooth and alluring. I looked like a normal human being.

Even though I was the complete opposite.

"Thanks guys," I was too busy looking at myself than wondering about what they were doing. I should have though. "I'm going to be heading out now."

They didn't respond and for a moment the room went silent. I looked back to see them checking themselves…and their new clothes. All of them. In new clothes. Buck was sporting a long sleeve black shirt with, blue jeans, and boots. Thor was wearing an white button up shirt with khakis and loafers. T'Challa was wearing a black V-neck with gray jeans and white shoes. Jane was wearing a skin tight red top with a black skirt and heels. Darcy was wearing leggings with a black tank top and her usual leather jacket. Sam was wearing a DC shirt with black pants and sneakers. Then I realized.

They wanted to go with me.

"You act as if you have a choice," Darcy said and I smiled. I opened the door and they followed suit.

* * *

 **Later…**

"This doesn't look like a party," Sam commented.

"That's because it isn't," I knocked on the door and looked at the phone in my hand before looking back at my friends. Suddenly I noticed someone was missing. "Where is Thor?"

"He had to go to the bathroom," Jane responded. I nodded and the door swung open. Standing at the door was a beautiful looking lady who I realized was Betty.

"Um…," I breathed," Hi."

"Hello, Steve," She said to me and I inhaled deeply. "What can I do for you?"

"Is Natasha around?" I ask and I look behind her to see no one but I could hear a lot of talking. My gaze goes back to Betty.

"Yeah, let me get her for you," She says and takes a step back," Please come in."

I couldn't dare my move my feet. This was new territory. _Unknown_ territory. My Super Soldier senses kicked in quick and analyzed every detail of the room. It's every sound, smell, weapons, things that can easily turn into a weapon, the exits, advantages, and points of entry. I was really unsure. I could smell them. Both of them. They were everywhere. On the couch, in the kitchen, and just everywhere. Clint's stench was coming mainly from the rooms on the right and Tony's foul greasy smell originated from the left.

I wanted to burn this whole dorm down.

Slowly I took one step into the enemy's territory and behind me my team followed.

" _One hostile detected! Hold your cover! Hold! "_

We kept our covers intact and held our mouths shut while we stepped into unmarked land. This was new to me and I couldn't help the anguish that shot through me. I flinched. I haven't done that ever since I got the serum. Just their aroma reminded me of all those bad days and I flinched. I fucking flinched.

" _Rogers! Get your head together! We have a war to win, loverboy! Your teams counting on you!"_

I shook my head and took control. "Nice place," Bucky commented and looked at the living room.

"If you like the constant smell of perfume filling your nose I guess so," Darcy said and they laughed. I wasn't paying them any mind. I was too interested. Too _intrigued._ This place. This area. This moment was new and fresh. I was trying to memorize the detail. The carpet floors, big TV, the kitchen, the pictures, the couch covered in blankets of all kinds of fabrics, the smell, the noises it made when I stepped in a certain area.

" _Area cleared! Get ready to charge on my go!"_

"Hey guys," Pepper, Maria and Bobbi stepped into the room and my gaze shot to them faster than lightning. She said it so calmly and nicely. It was like we had been friends thousands of years before this.

" _Four hostiles detected!"_

"Hey," Buck said as if he didn't care. I knew he didn't. He was just pissed about what they said earlier today about me.

"Hello," T'Challa waved his hand. We were still working on his greetings.

I shoved my hands in my pockets," Hi."

Silence stretched between us all. All of us were staring at them with lightning and defiance in our eyes. They looked uncomfortable under our gazes, constantly moving and shuffling their feet as if it was the key to life. Except for Pepper though. She was looking at Bobbi and Maria as if they committed a crime. When the two ladies got tired of her glare they looked at me.

"Look…um, Steve-," Both Bobbi and Maria were struggling to get the words out. I am sorry isn't so hard to say but I would accept it.

"I know and…Thank you for trying though," I kept my voice quiet. I looked over at Bucky who was glaring with his lips pulled back. "Stand down, boy."

The tension from his body flowed away like water and I smiled.

"So what did you need again?"

"I needed to see Natasha. I have her phone. She left it by accident."

I looked over toward my army. They looked at me in shock and mouthed at me 'We are here for a motherfucking phone?'. I gave them all the bird and turned back to the other ladies.

"Let me get her for you," Pepper walked out of the room leaving us with smarticles, queen bitch, and gossip girl. Darcy made the names I swear. It was basically Betty, Bobbi, and Maria. I couldn't help but snort because it was so true.

"So are you guys going to the party?" Bobbi asked, breaking the awkward silence.

"Yep," Darcy said popping the 'p'.

The silence came back.

"You ladies going?" Sam asks and motions to their get up.

"Yeah, I heard it was for the sorority, MKT's," Maria said and I whispered a shit.

MKT's or Marvel Kappa Theta's. Dumbasses, junkies, jocks, man whores, and muscles all combined into one group. I hated, despised them. They treated women like objects so they were great for missions. No emotions. No feelings. Get the job done and get out and bang the first hottest chick you saw. They thought with their muscles and groins. If it required a brain you know sure as hell not to send them out. Every mission they went on they would be testing the latest drug in the market. High or low that's where they would on be on the mission. They bullied kids all around. They bullied _me._ The memories kept flashing back and I really had to hold back tears.

 _All of us. They forced all of the nerds and geeks to stand outside in the cold with nothing on but there underwear. We thought we were going to be accepted into their club. They called it initiation. If we were to do this we could be accepted into the club. Even if we said yes or no they forced us to do it. They would beat us, maim us. Hit after hit, after hit. Sometimes they would use toys._

I was a little bit bigger now.

"Steve."

Payback was going to be one hell of a bitch.

" _Steve_."

I look up to see Pepper summoning me to the back room.

* * *

 **Thor…**

Humming quietly the big brute was walking the hallways back to the dorm where he would meet up with the others. As he was walking along he began to hear footsteps. He thought he heard some footsteps but when he stopped those footsteps were gone. He shrugged it off but as he began to walk again the footsteps were back. Something was most definitely wrong. Soon enough Thor jerked back and his feet stopped but the footsteps attempting to step into his weren't.

Those footsteps were running.

Running towards him.

Thor took off but it was too late. Those footsteps multiplied and hands were grabbing him. Pushing him down the stairs, punching and kicking him. Thor was trying to take the force but whatever or whoever it was – was strong. He was knocked into a generator and before he knew it a knife was being plunged into his stomach.

"Ahhh!" A roar tore itself from his throat and lightning is sent off his hands before pulsing through the air. The electricity flowing from his hands were attached to a metal conductor.

That metal conductor was the generator.

* * *

 **Natasha's room…**

The lights went off and I was knocked into a chair with a force holding me down. Something was holding me down. I placed my hand into the dark abyss and tried to feel what was on top of me. Whatever it was – was smooth, latex, curvy and…breathing?

"Rogers, why is your hand on my thigh?"

"Why are you on top of me?"

"Touché," She purses her lips but she doesn't get off of me. No, she stays and I can feel her breath on my face. Smells like mint. Winter mint. I want to laugh at myself right now but her smell, aroma, presence wraps around me like a blanket. It is warm and comforting and I can't help but melt in it. I relax and that causes her to relax also. Both of us sit there, the silence wrapping around the both us. The only thing I can hear is her heart and breathing. It is a melody to my sensitive ears.

"Is that a knife against my stomach?"

"Nope, glock 42."

"You want to put that back?"

"Nope, I think it is good where it is."

"Well, ok then."

Silence wraps around us again but this time a little different. Instead of the welcoming warmth that overwhelmed me earlier I felt really hot. And this heat was more needy than the warmth from earlier. I can feel a hand on my shoulder. It is warm and her thumb plays with the collar of my button up. Then I feel her thumb rise from the collar to the column of my throat. From my throat her thumb travels to my jaw and suddenly my lips. She tugs it down. I don't know what came over me but I didn't want the touch of her thumb but the feel of her lips. I crane my neck to reach my goal but she backs up slightly. Hesitant. She holds my jaw in place, her thumb still playing with my bottom lip.

She smiles. "Maybe another time."

She slides off of me with grace and ease. I stand up with shaky legs.

 _Don't you dare pass out on me._

It takes a moment before the ground becomes sturdy from beneath me. But that was short lived before all the blood was rushing to every one of my senses except for my eyes trying to find anything to hold on to. I was blind for the moment and a headache was forming.

"You know what's happening with the lights?" I ask her.

"Nope but I do know that this isn't on purpose," I reach for her hand and hold on to it. Tightly," Scared of the dark are we?"

"No…It's-It's just that…," The images kept flashing in the back of my head even though I tried so hard not to think about it.

" _No! Leave her alone!" I yelled but he kept beating her. Every fist he pulled back would be bloodier every time he pulled back. "Get off of her! Mommy!"_

" _Run, baby! You gotta run for momma!" I could hear her cries even though I couldn't see her. I didn't want to move. I didn't move. She kept begging for me to go but I didn't budge, not even when he grabbed a baseball bat from the corner. I couldn't do anything. I wasn't strong enough. I wasn't big enough. I wasn't enough._

 _When he was done with her, he turned to me._

I stifled a sob as the moment played over and over again in my head.

 _No, you are not going soft now. You're too busy be thinking about this._

He was right. I shook my head and focused on what was going on now.

"You got a flashlight or something?" I ask her and use her pheromones and heat to find her exact location. Next thing I know I see a bright light shine through the darkness and I can see her gorgeous face. I couldn't help but smile. "Always prepared."

"I wouldn't be a spy if I wasn't," She says with a slight smirk. I don't know what it is but something was drawing me towards her but the moment was short lived. What is with my life and bad timing?

Someone breaks down the door.

"What the hell is your problem?!" I ask him with a look of pure shock covering my face. Sam just stands there with everyone else standing behind him with flashlights strobing the area.

"We didn't hear anything coming from the room. We thought you two were dead," He explains with a look of innocence. Everyone else stands behind him as if they just caught the murderer of an ongoing case.

"You didn't have to break down the damn door!"

"So you wanted us to open it like normal people? Steve, you know by now that we are far from that relationship. How many times have we broken a door down and saved your life?" Jane asks and Darcy agrees so eagerly.

"Yeah, it's like you get yourself in so much trouble. I thought we raised you better than this," Darcy shakes her head in shame.

I sigh. Why am I even dealing with this right now? Is this how normal people act? Hell, I laugh. I don't even know what normal is at the moment. "Do you think they are still going to be having the party?"

"Um…duh, they are MKT's," Bobbi said.

"Where's Thor? I thought he would be here by now."

"I don't know. I will call him though," T'Challa insisted. I nodded and looked back at the lovely lady behind me to see that she had put her flashlight down to make adjustments to her…

 _You better not pass out. I swear, Rogers._

I mean could you blame me? She was absolutely gorgeous. She let her hair down from her previous messy bun. And her dress. That dammed dress would be the death of me. She was wearing a black dress with cut outs along the side that would show off that smooth skin. Her red curls were ignited by the tone of the dress. I wanted so desperately to see those eyes. She had her back to me and the only thing I could see was her lacey bra and the zipper of her dress waiting to be zipped up.

But I wanted to do the complete opposite.

I doubted anyone else could see because my body was somewhat in the way.

"Can you zip me up?" She asks and I am behind her in a flash.

My hands though are hesitant to touch any part of her, afraid of being forced to do something else but I gain the reigns. Slowly I zip up the dress, savoring every moment. And as I do it my knuckles lightly brush against her soft skin and it sends my body into a heat frenzy but that wasn't the hard part.

The hard part was getting past this retched bra.

When I pasts it my fingers twitched at the excitement. It was like my body was denying everything my brain was telling me to do. Only following what it really desired, its true intentions. And that scared me.

Cough," Date," Cough. "Carter." Another cough.

Slowly I look back to Bucky who looks around the room as if nothing happened. He is right even though I do have the urge to choke the shit out of him.

"There ya' go," I mutter to her and begin to walk out of the room," See you at the party, yeah?"

"Absolutely," She says and her eyes bore a whole into mine. I welcome the sensation.

"Let's go guys," I say," Did Thor answer his phone?"

"No," T'Challa answered.

"Maybe he already went and will meet us there," Jane shrugged.

"Alright then."

* * *

 **The Party…**

I was wondering how we were going to have a party in the dark. Should've known SHIELD agents would be very creative. I couldn't help but marvel at the sight before me. It was one of those luminous parties where clothes would glow and the dark and paint would be splattered across every inch of either wall or body and glow luminously in the darkness. I have to admit this was a pretty cool party. In the corner there was a station with glow in the dark paint, on the other side of the room was a bar fully stocked with the finest, and in the back and also the main attraction was the stage where the DJ was currently rocking the party-goers.

Soon enough I saw Peggy swaying to the music in the front with a cup in her hand. I approached her swiftly.

"This party looks killer," Sam says and immediately T'Challa goes hostile.

"No one will die tonight!"

"Feels like Thor all over again," Darcy mutters.

"You didn't have to wait for me," I said to her and ignored the arguing behind me.

"It is a date I am supposed to wait for you," And everything immediately washes over me. I do not know how many times today I forgot I had this date. The whole day my mind was telling me I was going to a party with my friends and a possible lover. I forgot it would highly likely be me and her. Alone. It felt so unfamiliar to me. So new to my fresh mind that it felt wrong but I went through with it later because Steve Rogers never gave up on anything.

So why the hell was I questioning myself?

Suddenly I heard a slap and turned around to see T'Challa staring at Bucky with crazed eyes. "Get it together man!"

"Let's go inside before something else happens," Peggy laughed and we all went in. The party was so alive the light seemed to dance along with the music. People were dancing like there was no tomorrow and for a moment I wondered if Peggy would as me to dance. I didn't know how to dance. I didn't even know if I could dance like these people were. Grinding on each other, limbs attached in every way, lips occasionally grazing each other's skin, and bodies painted brighter than the sun. Everything in here was so alive and vibrant with energy. It was new but it felt oddly welcoming.

"Did you want to dance?" It was like she read my mind.

"After I get a few drinks in me," I yell over the music and look back towards my friends before nodding towards the bar. They looked at each other and nodded also. We all headed towards the bar.

"What are you drinking?" I ask her and for a moment it feels like I have done this a million times for.

"Whiskey," She states and I can't help but smile.

"Whiskey eh?" She nods. "I might have to marry you right now."

She laughs and we near the bar. I am going to be honest with you. I have never been to a bar in my life. True. When we were younger Bucky would go to parties and he would come back with a bottle. The next morning my head would be aching as if my brain didn't want to stay in my head any longer than my soul wanted to stay in my body. We would live as vampires those days and an hour later Buck's dad would spray us down with hoses.

Jane signaled for the bartender and he nodded. She of course knowing all of us so very well ordered for us. "Two dirty martinis, Cîroc light on the ice, Bourbon no ice, another Whiskey, and a Jack Daniels."

The bartender went to work quickly and I turned my attention towards Peggy.

"So how is the life of a mentally crazed super soldier?" She asks and I smile. One of those fake smiles enough to get you farther than you were at the moment.

"I…really don't know," Now this part is true. I have been having these episodes lately when the 'Soldier' takes over. The need to kill and protect can be overwhelming at times but it was mainly driven by anger. Maybe it was the gamma radiation. Maybe it's the corrupted serum. Man, I don't know what the hell it was but I know it isn't me. Instinct tells me to do one thing and impulses drive me to do another. That tearing apart again.

 _Easy._

Whispers, everywhere. I don't know what they are saying but it is some foreign language. German or Russian? I don't know which one but its flowing through my ears.

 _Let it out._

It comes from the left. My head snaps in that direction.

 _Come on. Stop trying to hide it. You know you want it._

God, there it goes again. In the left. I roll my neck. I think I understand it. I _feel_ like I understand it. Whatever this is, whatever is going on with me is more powerful than I thought.

 _Ignore it. Distract yourself._

My drink is sat in front of me. Bourbon no ice. Immediately I desire the sting and the burn of the alcoholic beverage. My hand couldn't reach any faster if I tried. The burn of the liquid down my throat gives me satisfaction but not what comes afterwards. I don't feel it. I...every time Buck and I drank when we were younger I would get this my buzz in my head, a sign that my drunkensess would consume me.

That buzz never came.

Immediately, I began to order drinks nonstop. One bourbon! Another bourbon! Bring all the damn bourbon you have! Give me the strongest shit you have!

"Steve, don't you think you've had enough?" Jane asks and I shake my head, the liquid still burning down my throat. Everyone else is eyeing me also, concern, worry, written all over their faces.

"That is the thing, Jane! I don't feel the buzz!" I say to her and immediately she thinks I am. Buzzed of course.

"Don't worry guys. I am about to do the pantented Bucky drug test," He slaps me. Automatically I slap him back. "Ok, he isn't drunk."

"Thank you!" I yell in appreciation. If anyone knew anyone was drunk it was Bucky. Bucky had been drunk in his life so many times it was starting to become a proffesion. And in these moments I was so glad he knew what is was like.

"How do you know?" T'Challa asks and leans against the bar.

"In any case if he was drunk he would not have slapped me back. When you are drunk the alcohol dumbs downs your reactions and instincts. And besides I have seen Steve drunk in more ways than one. He gets emotional when he is drunk and looser than a noodle," Bucky confirms.

"He has a fair point," Sam said and tipped his drink towards me.

"He has the best fucking point here!"

"Shit," Jane sighs and I can't help but sigh also. She was drunk.

Darcy was drunk. And that was hell on all of us. Someone should have been watching her but nope they were too focused on my non-drunkeness to pay attention to Darcy's drunkeness. Should you be scared? Yes.

"Who wants a drink!" She yells and the crowd beside her cheers.

"Sam, Buck can you handle...her?" They both nod at me hesitantly.

"While they both do that you want to dance?" I shake my head automatically and look away. I am not drunk. The whole purpose was to get drunk so I could dance with her. So I could be fun. So I could...make her happy. Shit, how can I do that if I am not even happy? Or fun?

"Nah," I hang my head," You go ahead."

"The point of a date is for the two people to be together," She explains and I can't help but admit she is right. This was a date but she was asking for something that I couldn't possibly give her. Why was I even doing this right now? She wanted something fun but I was complicated and boring. What did I really have to offer her other than being a smartass and muscle that was given to me. What inspired her to ask me out? Wait...What inspired me to say yes?

"I will meet out there. Go have some fun. I will join you in a minute," I say and kiss her hand for reassurance. Hesitantly she nods before dancing her way into the thick crowd. I will be able to find her if need be. Her reddish-brown curls bounce up and down wildly, barely noticable to the normal eye but to mine she is highly noticeable.

After she dissapears into the bright abyss I turn around towards the bartender and motion for another drink.

* * *

 **Meanwhile...**

"Shut up! And just rip it apart or some shit!"

"Rip it apart? We have to put an _art_ into this if were going to do this."

"Do you think your little pun is funny? It really, really isn't."

"Will you calm your man tits. Atleast your doing this. Some wouldn't have the balls."

"No, no, no, I am not done after this. After this I am going to take more than he ever had."

"You sure? Steve is a pretty big dude now and will put a very big fight."

"Hell yes I am."

* * *

 **Party...**

"Aren't you supposed to be on a date?"

I have practically memorized her voice now even in the heat of the night and the roaring music I can hear her. The bar stool I am sitting on doesn't seem to be enough to support me. She looks abso-fucking-lutely amazing. Did I seriously just think that? I watched her laugh. I said that out loud didn't I?

"Yeah, I am on a date." I say.

"Well in a date there is supposed to be two people. Or is she invisble?" I cannot help but laugh. She is acting slightly more bitchy than usual but I can take it. Soon enough I hear a yell. More like a playful shout only to see Darcy on a table, two bottles of liquor in hand, and dancing her ass off.

"I told you idiots to watch her! How is this watching her?!" But they are too busy having body shots.

"Lighten up, Rogers," She smiles," Speaking of lighting up."

She motions towards the booth. The booth that would be the death of me. "Natasha, no. Natasha, I am not doing this."

"Yeah, you are," She doesn't allow any room for argument. Natasha grabs my hand and drags me towards the booth. I don't want to go but it is more simple than dancing. Once we arrive at the booth the person behind it lays out a bunch of very bright colors. Red, blue, yellow, white, purple, orange, and green. Natasha chooses three bowls. Red, white, and blue. I am hesitant to do this. I don't want to do this but I need to learn to let loose. This is me not willingly doing this. No, this is my body forcing me to do this. Maybe for its own benefits. Or mine. Or both but whatever it is, it is starting to grow on me.

"Natasha, what are you-?" Paint marks itself on my face. Cold paint. My body tenses. Relax she whispers to me. I don't want to relax. I want to run out of this damned building and paint my own art. Make my own drawings. Do my own thing. But isn't that shitty? I am brought out of my thoughts with another splotch of cold paint hits my face. "Almost done."

Once she is done I pick up the mirror placed on the table before looking at me. It is like a collab of red, white, and blue. She outlined my eye with red, outside of that red was white, and outside of that white was blue. The paint only covered the right side of my face. The other was clear and paint free. I looked like a warrior. One of the Roman fighters who did nothing but fight for the city it lives in. I have to admit it looks amazing.

"That wasn't so bad was it?" She asks and gently runs her hands over the drying paint. As she begins to walk off I grab her hand. She looks at me with curiosity.

" _Your_ turn," She smiles at me.

I use my art skills to do this. It isn't complicated but difficult to maneuver. The curve of her face, her cheekbones, the plump beneath her eyes, and the roundness of her lips. It makes it slightly difficult but I can't help but love it. Unfortunately for her I don't do it on her face but on her neck. I choose red as the color and paint her neck as if it is my next masterpiece. I could feel her gaze burning holes in my forehead and her breath soothing my cheek. Eventually, I was done with hid and backed up.

"All done," I mutter.

She picks up the mirror. "Not bad, Rogers."

"Not bad? I do not deserve such high praise."

She laughs and I can't help but smile. Our eyes meet and I am in that haze again. That void, dominion, abyss. Whatever you want to call it I am in it, deep. It drags me in. _Pulls_ me in like a magnet. A green magnet. But the thing is I don't fight back. I accept it and I let it pull me in even if takes me over. It feels so good but is so wrong at the same time. I can't deny the seduction, the intoxication, the liveliness is what pulls me in. It is different than what I am usually am acustom to but this –whatever it is- awakens something inside me that I didn't know was there.

Suddenly her attention is drawn away from me. A song comes on and the crowd freaks. I recognize it because Darcy put it on my playlist. It is Rihanna obvioiusly and soon enough it clicks. SOS by Rihanna. If it was possible the crowd seemed to get more lively.

"Come on, let's dance," She says and grabs my hand. Immediately I give her the same reaction I gave Peggy.

"Nope, I am good," I say and stop dead in my tracks.

"Why not?"

"I don't know how to do...that," I motion towards the grinding, dry humping, and gyrating. It looks like a huge invasion of privacy but hell, what did I know.

"Don't worry I will teach you," She drags me towards the dance floor. As she takes me to a particular part of the dance floor I look at all the other people enjoying themselves, trying so hard to get the hang of what was going on. I was too busy paying attention to the other people that I accidentally bumped into Natasha when she stopped.

"Pay attention, Rogers," She turns towards me and I freeze, waiting for her next move. She grabs my hands and places them low on her hips. I try to object but she plants a finger on my lips. Next, she places her own hands on my my shoulders. Then she began to move. The problem was... I didn't. I stood there awkwardly wandering what I was going to do.

"Just move with the music," Those were the last words she had instructed towards me all night. I attempted to rock back and forth on the balls of my feet. I looked like a fucking idiot.

"Natasha, I don't know about this," I attempted to walk away but she didn't let me. With her ninja like skills and reflexes she whipped me around to the same position we were in. I don't want to do this but she was forcing me otherwise. "Just listen to the music," She said and I rolled my eyes. I had the most kean hearing in the damned building and she is going to tell me to 'Listen to the music'.

"I have to admit it is a catchy song."

"Stop talking and just dance," She said and I could feel the tension release through her body, to my hands, up my arms, and spread throughtout my body. Just the fact that she had relaxed under my touch makes me tense. Should that say something? Whatever it is I am definetly not listening. She wraps her arms around my neck and she is doing something with her hips. I don't know what it is but it has me going crazy. My brain is overloading and my heart is beating a little too fast for my liking. Then the thought popped in my head. Can I really get a heart attack? Nah, I would of had it by now. But back to what was going on I think I was actually starting to get into it but that wasn't the only thing I was driven by. The setting was a very _powerful_ aphroadisiac. The raving music, dim lights, the dancing bodies, and the smell of liquor seemed to put me in my own little high and what came next was very unlike me. Unvoluntarily, I squeezed her hips and leaned into it, she gasped at the pressure.

"I am so sorry," I back up immediately," Did I hurt you?"

She shook her head before pulling me back into her warm embrace with more fever. Was it possible for her to be in the same haze I am? Lust? Desire? Whatever you wanted to call it it was in her eyes. Damn, that sounded corny but it was so true. With a more gentle approach I resumed my previous position. My hands on her hips and her hands slowly gliding down my chest towards my abdomen. Or should I say abs before sliding around my waist and pulling me closer. She was guiding my hips at some pace and I actually started to get the hang of it. Damn, this was intoxicating. The moment. The song. The liquor maronating in the air. Her face was inching closer to my own but once I could feel her breath on my neck I stopped. It was like our bodies were molding together. As I looked down to make sure I was doing everything she forced my chin up. Blue and gold meet again and the odds fall together. That smirk that was usually on her face when she saw me was replcaed with a lust filled eyes. Her lips were slightly parted and her green eyes, illuminated by the darkness, looked at me. The urge to kiss her was strong but the urge to just be with her in this moment overwhelmed my being. I mean you had to think about it. If I kissed her I could possibly ruin the moment – even though something in me told me she wanted to do it too.

 _That is me lover boy._

We continued to dance for what seemed to be half of the night and as the time escalated we escalated with it. Our speed grew faster. My shirt had somehow been unbuttoned and red, blue and white paint scattered around it. Her hands wound through my hair. My hands ghosting over her lower body. She had turned around, her back facing my front, with her grinding on me. My lips hovering over her smooth neck. It was a very...mind obliterating experience. It was just us. The feeling was amazing. It felt so wrong but so right at the same time. I didn't want it to end. It felt like our bodies had known each other forever but our minds just meeting the other. It was like a new feeling. One that I didn't want to get rid of. Her hands began to weave into my hair and her head lies weightlessly on my chest. I dip my head down, lips grazing her neck. She breathes in a big breath. Was I really going to do this?

 _Yes, you are._

Seriously?

 _Most definetly._

Bucky had taught me how to do this when we were younger. Kissing the neck would be like kissing someone on the lips except you wouldn't have anything kissing you back. I am so glad he taught me how to kiss-in case of an emergency. He told me that I would know I was doing it right if the body responded to me. If I didn't—turn around and leave. My lips graze her smooth neck, teasing occasionally but as I move in something happens. My hearing zones out the loud music only to zone in on something else.

" _Hello, gorgeous."_

" _Hi."_

Peggy and that easily recognizable voice.

Clint.

That one name seems to awaken the Super Soldier and next thing I know I am muttering," I have to go."

I walk through the crowd, shoving through face-eaters, the intimate, the ones getting a little to handsy, and the ones secretly having sex on the dancefloor. I don't pay them any mind because I am too focused, too determined. Someone is trying to take my date away from me. After years of him giving me hell he keeps attempting to take away everything I love and care for. My hands ball into fist. After years of beating the shit out of me. My muscles contract. After years of humiliating me. My eyes dilate. After years of having everything he ever wanted but still taking from me. I shove the man in front of me to the ground. Soon enough I am close enough to roar his name, to pour every ounce of anger through my fist but I don't. I pause in my track as realization floods over me, drowning me in truth.

I was with Natasha.

I stand there, thinking over my next actions. My thoughts were conflicted and also my emotions. What was I to do? My fist begin to relax.

 _Kick his ass._

But what would Peggy think of me? Huh? Would I actually be the blood-loving sadist everyone thinks I am becoming?

 _ **She**_ _knows what he did to us. You have a good reason behind your actions._

He is right but before I can even take a step forward I am intercepted by a man I do not know. He hands me something before dissapearing into the thick crowd. I eyed him as he left, taking percaution. The fabric was familiar to my hands. The roughness but soft palet of the canvas. Wait. Canvas? I look down at the torn canvas only to realize.

This was my painting.

* * *

 **Meanwhile...**

"He is going to kick your ass, Barton."

"He will attempt to kick it but all he will be doing is kissing it."

* * *

 **The hallways of Marvel University...**

I couldn't have run faster than my legs were carrying me right now. I was practically flying off the ground and I didn't give a shit surprisingly. I was too focused on the torn material in between my fingers. I prayed to God that it wasn't what I thought it was. I was practically begging not for it not to be. The cloth between my fingers weren't helping my paranoia but I needed it for reassurance. The door to my dorm practically broke after all the force I put into opening it.

No.

My room was smoking. Smoke was easing its way out of the bottom of the door. Quickly I grabbed the fire extinguisher and ran towards my room. It was in complete flames. I pulled the thingy on the fire extinguisher – I don't know what the hell that thing is called but I pulled it. That is all that matters. Hastily I extinguish the flames but once the fire is out I realize it looks even worse than it was.

 _Why didn't the fire alarm go off?_

I look up. Someone tampered with the alarm. I recognize that handiwork. Stark. The fire was obviously Clint.

 _Payback for that little phone call eh?_

I do remember when he called Natasha's phone. He sounded confused, sad, conflicted.

 _Are you trying to feel sorry for the little prick?_

Well, I tried.

I assess the damage. My eyes go over the room. Damage assessed. Everything is burnt to a motherfucking crisp. My bed, my shoes, clothes, school supplies, art-.

Art.

I roar in frustration and quickly maneuver myself towards the painting, hoping, praying, begging, that it isn't what I think. I choke out a sob. It isn't.

It is worse.

It is ripped to shreds, brown surrounding the edges of the canvas. I can tell they did this one before they started the fire. Oh my God. I cannot believe it. This...My...My hard work burned to nothing but ashes and black nothingness. It was supposed to be an image of a soldier coming back from the war only to go through the war of life but at the moment that war was against black nothingness. All of my drawings torn from their pages and burned to small pieces of scraps. To nothing. Next I checked my satchel for the book mom gave me when I was younger. Slowly, hopefully, I open the satchel trying to prepare for what is inside.

...

I suck in a breath.

...

They are dead.

* * *

 **The party...**

After Steve dissapeared she had went to the bar to get a drink. It wouldn't help the growing ache deep in her belly but it would ease the pain. "Vodka, no ice."

The bartender nodded and went to complete her order. As she sat there waiting on her drink she had to smile. She couldn't help but remember him. The way he held her in those strong arms, warm and welcoming. His warm body, so comforting and soft against her skin. Natasha breathed out a sigh and closed her eyes at the remembrance. She could still feel his masculinity surrounding her, his scent, his body, his arms, and everything more. She couldn't deny the feeling of belonging there in his arms. No, she couldn't be with him. She couldn't-

"Here ya' go," The bartender slid her drink towards her and immediately she picked it up and drank the whole thing before signaling for another.

What was she doing? To herself and also him? She sighed and shook her head. She couldn't take things any farther with him for both their sakes. Suddenly there was a tap on her shoulder. Natasha turned around and had to hold in a laugh.

"Carter," Natasha said with unrecognizable hate.

"Romanoff," Peggy responded with pursed lips," Have you seen Steve?"

"Yeah, I did," She said and the fought the condescending smirk that threatened to cross her face. "Last time I saw him he was grinding on me."

Natasha tried so hard not to laugh at the look on Peggy's face. "Oh, but who is the one going on a date with him?"

Natasha's expression slightly faltered and before she could respond a loud boom resounded throughout the room, halting all actions. Both Natasha and Peggy give each other a look before preceding towards the noise.

* * *

 **Steve...**

 _Kill him._

My eye twitched, involuntarily.

 _Kill him slowly and painfully. Savor every moment._

My hands turn into fist.

 _This time you are not dreaming about it!_

I roll my neck.

 _He ruined everything we had! He embarassed us, insulted us!_

My feet pick up the pace. My muscles twitch with the need to kill him, to take out its anger and frustration on something. The voices in my head whispering to kill him. No emotions ran through but anger. _**Rage**_ _._ It was like a fire that wouldn't be extinguish until he was dead! I punch the wall and the need just grows stronger. My eyes dilate with the pulsating anger that is making my muscles throb.

 _Kill 'em._

What about Stark?

 _...Make his more painful._

All those years of mental and physical torture that he put me through. I can't help the roar of anger as it tears through my throat. Finally, I make it back to the party only to ruin it. Every single person in my way gets knocked down and I don't want to do it but something more powerful is driving me, motivating me.

"Hey, dude, watch it!"

I pay him no mind. And finally there I see it. Clint Barton. Next thing I know red clouds my vision and I am sitting in the passenger seat, enjoying to view of what Super Soldier really looks like kicking Clint Barton's ass.

"Barton!" I bark and as Clint turns around I punch him in the face. He falls to the ground like a sack of potatoes," Get up...Get up!"

"Oh, ho," He laughs as he stumbles to stand up," It's you! I knew you would be coming sooner or later. Hey, everybody, look it's smallsy ballsy!"

I pick him up by his collar and throw him into the speakers and that gets the crowds attention. The music stops playing and the speaker tumbles down with Clint's body. He laughs. He laughs at me like all those other times when he was making fun of me like nothing has changed. He is still the winner. That just fuels my fire. I approach him with the determination to beat his ass but someone intercepts. Some people...The MKT's.

Killing two birds with one stone.

 _Ten men. Five shorter. Five taller. Muscle mass. Trained in combat. Depend on their fist. Not that smart. Use their senses against them. Play with their mental awareness._

Grabbing one, I swiftly kicked another one in the face. The one in my hand had his head forced to the ground. Using their awareness like I was told I played with their senses. Hearing. Using the darkness as an advantage I could play with their perspectives. Yeah, I bounce from shadow to shadow, making a sound here and there making them more than slightly paranoid and one by one I take them out. Choke hold. Punch. Kick. Double tap. Knockout smash. Another punch. Leg sweep and kick to the face. I take them out faster than I expected. My revenge is not yet served but now is not the time. I have another purpose and reason other than these low lives. Stepping over them, I make my way towards Clint. He is lying on the ground, struggling to get up, with a bloody smile. I wait for him to get up, biding my time, thinking of beautiful ways to torture him.

"Rogers," He spat out some blood," I never knew you packed that kind of a punch."

"Don't worry there's more," I smiled slightly not one of the happy smiles but one that is knowing. I know that I am going to kick his ass. Then kill it.

He gets up and I wait for a minute just staring at him. I take in the sight of a wounded Clint Barton. It brings me slight joy and happiness. I really want to take a picture of this but the crowd at the moment is doing it for me. Their attention focuses on nothing but the unconcious MKT's and Barton and I.

"Trust me I wasn't worrying," He pulls out a bow and arrow before sending an arrow my way. I catch it and the look of shock on his face makes me smile. He automatically gains his sense before rapid firing my way. I block every single one except for one that pierces my shoulder.

"Ah," I shout before ripping the arrow out of my shoulder.

 _Enough is enough. Stop playing games and take him out._

That sets my feet into action and soon enough I am ramming Clint onto the floor before raining punches on him. These aren't pulled punches. No, they are full on anger and power combined. Anger is driving me and the power is fueling me. Non-stop punches, driven by strong emotions. The need to kill him and _hurt_ him is strong and pulsing through my veins. Killing him would be that easy. Just a snap of the wrist and he is dead. But no, I take my time, savoring the moment I hurt him. His face is bloodied and unrecognizable.

"Rog-Roger-," He tries to talk through the blood overflowing his mouth.

"You ruined it! You burned it until it was unrecognizable! 'Till there was nothing left! After everything you took from me!" Emotion drives me and tears threaten to break through. I am on the verge of killing him. I know it. He is closer to death with every punch I deliver.

"Steve...," His voice begins to fade.

"You son of a bitch! You took everything from me!" Tears burst through like a dam.

"Steve."

 _Everything!_

" _Steve."_

 _Take it back._

" **Steve.** "

A commanding yet familiar tone stops me. I don't turn around. No, I am too ashamed. This moment was...tremondously enlightning. All that pent up rage was washing out like water. It felt amazing. I actually took a moment to breathe. The tension from my body eviscerated, the anger flowed away, sweat had coated itself on my body somehwhat melting to red, white and blue to my skin, and air was brought to my lungs.

"I am going to need you to stand up," Natasha says and I can smell Peggy's scent next to her. I smile. They make a good combination.

"And I am going to need you to put that gun down," I mutter back. I knew she had a gun. The smell of led was faintly strong but her hold on it didn't waver. She was set, determined but I was ignorant and tenacious.

"You know I can't do that," Defense against me? Was I that bad? That dangerous? No, no, I don't believe it. Then I looked at my hands, my bloodied hands. No, not my blood but the blood of another. The blood I made him shed not mentioning the blood currently flowing from my shoulder.

"My mind, my concious, sees you as a threat," I explain," And when I see you as a threat it does everything it can to take you down."

"Ok, we can help you," Peggy's words are nothing to me.

"This is not some cliche' scene in a movie where you offer to help me, _acting like you know what you are doing_...They never make it in the end...We've been in this moment before," It was true. Both ladies, Natasha and Peggy ended up with their finger on the trigger again. "Last time you didn't pull the trigger...Is that going to change now?"

Natasha doesn't answer me, only adjusting her position.

"It feels better ya' know?" I motion towards the still moving Clint," Letting it all out. Like a breath of fresh air..."

"Revenge is never the answ-," That sets me off.

"No, but it helps the pain!" I shoot up from my position and face Peggy. "All the people here can agree! _Revenge is never the answer!_ It isn't the answer because he is still alive! It slows down the pain, it slows the blood loss! It fucking helps! After all these years of the shit he has given me I deserve something! Some sort of release! I am tired of being some motherfuc-!"

"Steve!" My bloodshot eyes shoot towards Natasha." I _see_ you."

Time seems to pause but not me. I am allowed to roam freely but I don't. I pause with it and stare at her. She sees me. She actually sees me. After all these years, my whole life, someone finally sees me. it wasn't like I was obsessed with being the most popular kid in school but you have to admit someone acknowledging your existence, knowing your alive and not some ghost roaming the world waiting for someone to be there with you. I am not talking about some shitty what you do every kind of day stuff. I am talking about what and who you are on the inside. The _real_ you. I walk over towards her, slowly, hesitantly, scared of what my come next. Scared of what she might really see. What does she think of it? What does she think of me? Scared and lost are not synonyms but they aren't antynonyms. So why did I feel like someone was trying to pull me into two halves? Soon enough I was face to face with her. I was looking into her eyes, trying to find what she saw.

Before I could fully look into her eyes I was yanked back into the wall, the fingers digging into my shoulder like a vice grip. I cry out but they are for nought. Next thing I know I am lodged into a wall. Damn, that hurt. My back was aching with pain and I opened my eyes only to see a machine helping Clint off of the floor.

"Well, well, isn't it the Iron Man," It comes through gritted teeth as I pull myself from the wall.

"Your sense of humor gets better everytime I see you, Steroids," I laugh at the nickname but it is shortlived. He rams me into another wall, through another wall until we are outside and my body goes flying onto the white snow.

I coughed out a laugh before wincing at the pain that shot through my back," Your little suit packs more punch than I thought."

"And you're heavier than I thought you were," He flies towards me and he goes for another punch.

But it never comes.

My hand had grabbed his metal fist and I take the oppurtunity to slam him on the ground. Instead of staying on the ground like Clint did he flies up. Unfortunately, taking me with him. He flew me up to an immense height. The cold air slapped against my face and chills ran up my spine. I wasn't focused on it though. My fingers were fisted in the sheet of the Iron suit as to not fall. Oh, God, I did not want to fall. Being all steroid induced in all I might survive the fall but it will hurt like a bitch. I needed to think of something quickly because I could feel the ice pick at the hairs on my skin.

 _You go any higher you're going to freeze to death. The oxygen is already rare, conserve your breaths because the next thing you're about to do is pretty stupid._

And what is that?

 _You're going to appeal to his humanity._

...What?

Invlountarily, I let go of him. No. No! NO! I was falling. Gravity was forcing me back down to where I belong. The wind was slamming against my back ,trying to slow me down but its efforts were in vain. My back was beginning to heat up. Shit, shit, shit, I was getting closer to the ground every second. The wind was slamming against my head and the gravity forcing me down was flexing my body.

 _Ok, ok, calm down. Turn your body._

I did so and soon with enough effort I was facing the ground.

 _Next, do the calculations._

I could survive that fall. I felt it in my bones that I could, especially with the snow covering the ground. I needed to relax. The weight forcing down my down was enough pressure so I just needed to relax. Breathe in and out.

 _5_

In and out.

 _4_

Hold.

 _3_

Relax.

 _2_

Close your eyes.

 _1_

I felt metallic arms wrap around my body before yanking me back up. Damn, my body was hurting. It was trying to decide whether to go up or down. The metallic arms wrapped around began to descend to the ground slowly. Soon enough he dropped me on the ground, the cold soothing my aching muscles.

"That was a pretty ballsy move, Rogers."

I looked up to see Stark staring down at me," Well, Stark, if you haven't noticed yet my balls dropped quiet some time ago."

He laughed and clapped. I winced and rubbed at my back. Damn, my body was sore but it didn't stop me from getting up. "You know this doesn't stop me from kicking your ass?"

"I was giving you a headstart," He motions towards me with his armored hands and I couldn't help but laugh before swinging a punch towards him. He dodges but doesn't quiet see my next punch.

 _Chest plate, thigh, helmet, stomach. Weakest points._

I hit those areas and he seems to be weakened. He barely knows any combat. I am so glas I paid attention in class. Every punch, every kick he threw I dodged. His moves were somewhat weary. He could easily get tired while I was full of nothing but adrenaline. I could last longer. I was developing a patern. Chest, thigh, helmet, stomach, repeat. I was gaining momentum with every move I made towards him and soon enough the metal began to dent at my punches. He fell to his knees but my punches continued to reign on him. Damn, I was moving fast. Move, punch. Jump, kick. As long as I kept moving I would be alright. But he eventually figured out my pattern and blocked one of my punches and my stomach was wide open.

 _Brace for impact cause you just fucked up._

I rolled my eyes and one of Stark's repulsors shot a beam of light right into my abdomen and I went flying as far as the tree line.

"We done yet?" He yells at me as I get up.

"You getting tired?" I yell back.

"No!" His accelerated heart rate said otherwise but I played along.

"Then we are sure as hell not done!" I shoot myself in the air before I slam back down on him. His suit slightly dents at the pressure of my feet. Fruitlessly, he attempts to shoot me with his repulsors again but I catch his arms and pin them down. "You think I am that stupid to fall for that trick again?"

A moment of silence passes us and I can hear him laugh," No, sir...Actually quiet the opposite."

I look down to see in the middle of his chest piece the glowing blue light grow bright. If I had known that thing was one of his little laser thingys I wouldn't be in this fucking position!

 _Twice._

Screw you.

A beam blasts straight from his chest and into my own. I don't fly though. I stand my ground and take the pain. The beam shoots straight at my chest. The _pain._ Shit, it hurts. Hurts badly. Like Good God, it felt like the beam was trying to rip open my chest to see what was really inside but I still didn't move. A roar, filled with nothing but pain and anguish tore through my throat and I squeezed my eyes shut.

"You two are killing each other!" Clint.

"Stark! Stop!" Natasha.

"Let go!" Pepper, Betty, Maria, and Bobbi.

"What is going on?" Jane, Darcy, Sam, T'Challa and Bucky carrying a bleeding Thor.

Both of us don't let go though. I know this is taking a toll on him also. I could hear JARVIS telling him how much power he had left. That thing in the middle of his chest was keeping something away from his heart but at the same time was pushing against my chest. The pain was flowing through me but the emotions were overwhelming. The memories of all the times he bullied me, embarasssed me, hit me, and made my life a living hell and I clenched his metal armor harder. That just tore another growl from my throat and I forced my face to his. I bared my teeth and flexed my muscles. He yelled swears and growled at the amount of power he was giving off.

He growled.

I roared.

His eyes were open.

Mine were closed.

He was giving off power.

I was at the recieving end.

His armored hands were bruising my body.

My calloused hands dented his metal suit.

His power was reaching its climax and my body was going numb from the pain. The beam of light grew and grew until it became blinding. Both of us began to brace for what was about to happen. A moment swept over us and I could not bare my teeth any harder. The pain was unbearable but me being me made it bearable. Finally, it came. The explosion went off and sent me flying towards the snow covered forest. Stark was sent into the brick wall.

...

Was I dead?

Is this what death felt like? Was it cold and unwilling? Was it body numbing? Dark? Holy shit it hurt too. The unmerciful pain was throbbing like a bitch. The feeling was awakening somewhat...But holy fuck the pain. If it is it felt like I had flew into the ground. My eyes prye open.

Yeah, I groan, that is exactly what I did.

Aw, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, my head hurt. Felt like I got hit by a tow truck. Maybe it was a tow truck. I sigh. I don't fucking know and my head hurts too much to even think about it! Damn, my body felt the same way. It didn't want to get up.

 _No, don't give up on me now. Get your ass up!_

Hell, I couldn't even feel my ass.

 _If your enemy is down you stand up! If your enemy is standing up you stand taller!_

Alright, alright, ease up. I am trying to get up. But as soon as I try to get up I am forced back down, not by the pain, but by a soft demanding hand. My eyes shoot open and I grab the person by the throat but that person blocks my grab. Heaving with as much breath I could put in my lungs I shoot up to see a friend or a foe.

It's friend...friendly.

Well something like that. My brain wasn't functioning as properly as it did a couple seconds ago.

"You need to lay back down," Natasha says.

"Nope, what I need is a shot of Whiskey," I say and lean up. She forces me down. But I shoot back up and force her down. She looks at me, stupified by my actions. "I am sorry but that was like...my _initial_ reaction."

She rolls her eyes before looking at me. She wants me to help her up. I scoff. No, no. That is one of the oldest tricks in the book. If I helped her up she would try to push me back down. Did I look like that much of an idiot?

...

I hope not.

Suddenly a wave of pain washed over me and I winced, placing my hand over my heart. Shit, everything hurt but it hurt to such an extent that my body felt numb. It hurt everytime I moved, contracting my muscles every move I made. Placing my hand on my back, I stretched and immediately it popped multiple times. I did the same to the rest of my muscles only for them to have the same reaction.

 _We ready for battle now?_

Hell yeah.

I took one step only for my legs to buckle and I fall to the ground. I wince as my sore and bruised body hit the snow covered ground hard. Come on. I try to push my body but it doesn't want to go anywhere.

 _Pause for a moment._

I stop and I could hear Natasha, walking towards me. She was in no hurry because she knew I wasn't going anywhere. I really wanted to wipe that smug look off her face.

 _Use the cold to heal your body quicker._

Use the cold? I looked around at the snow before hesitantly picking up a little of the unrustled snow and putting it in my mouth.

 _Don't put it in your mouth dumbass. Lie in it for a moment._

I do as told and lie in the snow, getting comfortable as I can get. It feels like a relief sort of. Lying in the snow and letting it mend my wounds. All I have to do is wait. I wonder for a moment if he is making me look like an idiot or was this actually working.

"What are you doing?" She asks and looks down at me.

 _Don't tell her about me._

"It helps," I motion towards my wounds and her brows crease together in complete concentration. Was there something wrong with my body? Was something on it? My self-esteem was running on high but eventually I was given the strength to look upon my body only to see that the forming bruises and cuts were fading. The cold snow was seeping into my skin and healing my wounded body. It felt kind of empowering as everything was beginning to function properly again. My chest. My chest would take a little bit longer to heal.

 _Later you need to ask Stark if anything was in that beam._

Noted. I brought my attention back towards my own self before getting up. I felt better. The wounds and cuts faded into light blue. My face felt slightly sticky and scaly. My hand reached up to only feel the paint from earlier. It had melted against my face and ran down my neck. Red, White, and Blue. I noticed that it was very, very patriotic.

"Rogers!" I stumbled down the hill, Natasha following swiftly.

"Stark!" I yelled back and we began to run/stumble towards each other. Damn, I didn't know that I could go this long but shit, I didn't want more. My body was moving on its own accord. I was slightly pushing trying to push through the pain. Before Stark and I could reach other we were intercepted. Natasha grabbed me and Pepper grabbed him. It felt like we were old men in one of those homes, the nurse catching us even though we wanted to play another game of checkers. Instead we stare at each other with tired eyes and make uselessness of our limbs.

"Ok, Steve," Natasha grunts my name attempting to hold my entire body up. The pain in my limbs made it them practically useless. I can't imagine how heavy I am but the amount of effort written over her face I could make an estimate. "Let's sit down."

She kind of throws/drops me on the ground but I don't mind. It gives me time to see who is around me which is...

Everyone.

When did that happen? Crowds of people were literally hidden behind doors and windows, recording or just watching. Jane, Darcy, T'Challa, Buck and Sam were tending to Thor's wound. Pepper, Bobbi, Betty, and Maria were tending to Clint and Tony. Peggy was stitching up Thor. Wait, when did Thor get hurt? He wasn't in the battle was he? No. I would have noticed him, with his blonde hair and broad shoulders.

"I thought I died and went to heaven...but then I saw you," Clint trudges towards us, blood beginning to dry on his face.

"Heaven?" I question and he laughs. That is one of the first times I heard him laugh at my jokes. It feels me with slight joy.

"Rogers," Tony joins us," I must say you can take a punch."

"I thought you were dead, Stark," I motion towards him with my finger," That was a big explosion."

"It is going to take more than an explosion to stop me," I nod in confirmation because hot damn that was a big explosion. "What happened to point break?"

Who the hell-? He motions towards Thor with his chin. I shake my head before motioning him over. He runs towards me with open arms, happy to see that I am alive I am assuming. Thor knocks me back on the snow with his bear hug and smiles.

"Happy to see you are alive, Sir Steve!" His booming voice echoes through my ears and I wince but I don't let him go. He is like a brother to me. Even if it might look embarassing I still love him.

"Happy to see you too, Thor," I pat his back. "Speaking of...How did you get that cut?"

"I was going back our home but before I could reach it someone attacked me," He leans back and shows everyone his stitched up cut," I fell on the generator and the power went out."

"How can you fall on a generator and immediately the power goes out? That makes no sense," Tony explains.

"Thor has the power to..summon electrical currents and force it out of his hands," I try to explain it best I can but I didn't really major in Science. Tony laughs a little at my explanation but nods in understating.

"Wait a minute who stabbed you?" Clint intercepts but before Thor can answer a load roar resounds through the open area and everyone gets quiet. I signal for Jane and the others to go back inside.

"What was that?"

All five of us freeze in our tracks.

"I have a theory," Tony's face plate falls back on his face. We all wait for a moment for him to continue but he just stops and stares at the forest in anticipation. I smack him in the back of his metal dome piece. The urge to kill both of them has left my being and I stand there waiting for something to come from those woods. When this is over I promise I will confront him but in a less violent way. Less? I nearly killed him. I didn't want to kill them...Or did I? Whatever I did want to do, the motivation has dissipated from my body.

"What is this theory, Tony?" Natasha asks.

"You will find out but you better pray to God I am wrong," His words make me a little more paranoid than need be.

 _You need a weapon._

I find this round sheet of metal on the ground and pick it up. It will have to do. I get some vine to wrap it around my arm and next thing I know I have a shield. All of them see me prepare for whatever the hell is coming and they do the same. Natasha pulls a gun out of God knows where before reloading her ammo. Clint grabs his bow and arrow before notching one. Thor has sparks flying off his hands. And Tony's repulsors charge.

Another roar and something comes tumbling down the side of the mountain. Shit, the motherfucker is huge and green? It is running down that mountain like their is nothing stopping him.

"Plan of attack, Rogers?" Stark turns to me.

"Can we kill this thing?"

"Nope," He responds and ascends into the air.

"Why the fuck not?!" Natasha asks as the beast begins to get closer.

"It's Bruce," He answers and I turn a questioning look towards him.

"Bruce? You serious?" Clint beats me to the question. At Stark's nod I realize that this is going to be harder than I thought. This is a full on behemoth.

"This mighty beast cannot be, Sir bruce," Thor says and I nod.

"Well you better believe it," Tony answers.

"Hit it with everything you got!" I command and they all nod their heads, easily taking my commands. I feel somewhat proud.

"What if he still doesn't go down?" Clint looks at me hopelessly and I look at the beast.

"...Hit 'em harder."

They all had determination written over their face and next thing I know I am leading my team into battle. We are practically charging into the snowy forest, guns up, heads held high, and readiness marked upon us. We see it. We see the beast. It is green, huge, and very muscular. If you looked closely enough you could've said it looked like Bruce but I didn't. Thor sent his bolts of electricity, Clint sent arrows whizzing through the air, Natasha fired constant bullets, and Tony sent beams shooting towards the beast. And I threw what I called a shield at the beast only for it to bounce off of him and land back in my hands. I could work with this. I assessed the amount of damage we did and realized that it was barely hurting him. A sigh escaped my lips and I reattached my shield.

We weren't getting anywhere.

"Stark, does this thing have any weaknesses?" We continued our onslaught.

"Well Bruce does love Cheerios?"

"What the hell do you want us to do? Feed him a box of cheerios so he won't kill us?"

"Well Bruce and Betty have been hanging out lately."

"No, I don't want her getting hurt."

"What else is there?"

I scan the area. Thick forest. Lots of trees. Height advantage? Nah. I eye the others. Thor has strength and can control lightning, Tony can fly and shoot, Clint can shoot, and Natasha the same but she is flexible. My gaze forces itself towards Tony and Thor. Then I look at the trees. The beast is planted in between two. I got it. I take off, running between my team and the beast. Clint has my back and shoots another at it. Natasha backs his play and Tony defends her as she does it. I slide underneath Natasha and grab Thor by the arm and yank him to the side.

"You think you could climb on that tree?" He juts out his chin and nods proudly. I look back at the others," Clint! Blind him! Natasha protect Clint! Stark you're coming with me."

We three round the beast and stand behind him. I motion for Stark to go up high as me and Thor climb the trees.

"Hey! Can you guys hurry up! Running low down here!" Clint yells before firing another arrow.

"Stark help them out!" Thor and I hurry, quickly. Eventually we reach the top and I look down. The others are having trouble. "You follow me alright?!"

Thor nods and I take the metal sheet in my hands before jumping off the tree. I whip through the air and land on the back of its neck. It fights me and it feels like I am riding a bull. I have to admit it is strong but it sure ain't flexible. I take the metal sheet around its neck and I smile with triumpg but it throws me off. I fly into the air only for someone to catch me. I look up to see Tony.

"HULK SMASH!" The beast roared and I sent my shield flying towards his face.

I motion for Thor to go ahead and do it but he is hesitant. The Hulk? –Roars with anger and the clouds grow dark. A storm is brewing quicker than I have ever seen.

Thor.

As Steve was about to give me the command a storm brewing above us took his attention. I looked up also. This storm looked different from all the storm I have encountered. The clouds were darker and a circular tunnel was forming in the clouds. Lightning bolts were striking the ground near me. I felt drawn to the lightning...like it was calling to me.

 _Whosever holds this hammer..._

The lightning was accompanied by thunder which roared louder than this Hulk. It was music to my ears and it was nothing but pleasing. I gathered my wits and stood taller, firmer, jaw set. My hand had the the urge to rise and it did, waiting on the weapon that would grant forth my power. My eyes flashed blue. Bluer than the lightning.

 _If he be worthy..._

The lightning struck my hand and I felt nothing but power course through me. It was riveting and _electrifiying._

 _Shall posess the power of..._

I jump up in the air and something lands forcefully in my hands.

 _THOR_

I come crashing down on Hulk with the full weight of Mjolnir behind me. Sparks fly, electricity courses through my body, and thunder shoots straight towards the ground.

Steve.

I watched as Thor crashed down on the Hulk with a mysterious hammer that came from the sky, knocking him out. The metal sheet I had rapped around the Hulk acted as a conductor.

"Oh shit, Thor," I nod at him. Hulk stirs slightly and I jump from the tree and land my shield on his face, finalizing it.

"Holy shit," Tony exclaims and looks at Thor for a minute before holding up his hand for a high five. Thor looks at him wierdly before giving his hand a light pat. I can't help but laugh and the others join in. We stand there around Hulk, laughing our assess off. Either that was very hilarious or the adrenaline was catching up with us. Clint was struggling to stay sane at the moment and I decided it was the latter. We all share glances at each other, realizing what we just did. We just stop Hulk like a _team_. A motherducking team! They followed my orders and therefore we accomplished our priority.

"I have to admit, Stark, Clint...You didn't suck ass out there," I compliment them both but only this once. It was kind of nice.

They all laughed. "I have to admit you didn't give us any shitty orders. You were pretty fight or flight with it."

"Thanks," I nod at both of them then transferred my gaze towards Natasha," You were pretty good out there for a spy."

She laughed and Clint shouldered her with a smile. "Thor where did you get the hammer?"

"...My father."

„"By air-mail?"

Thor nodded somewhat hesitant," Something like that." All of us looked down to see Bruce shrinking down to his normal size. He looks...normal now. His pants atleast stayed on but he was shivering. I took off my jacket and placed over top of him.

...

"Whose going to carry him?"

 **The morning...**

I step onto the plane, bags in hand and my collar up. I see Natasha has already boarded the jet and has made herself comfortable in her seat. I had already said bye to everyone before I left. They had cried, kissed (multiple times) and hugged each other until the bruises I got from last night came back.

"Hey," I say to her.

"Hey you," She responds as I hand my bags to the luggage claim. I walk onto the plane and take a seat next to her. I look at her, just taking in the sight of her beauty and savoring it. She had gotten a little cut on her cheek from yesterday but it didn't deter her beauty.

"Hello to you too," My head snaps in the direction the voice had come from only to see Nick Fury on a hologram.

"Good morning, sir," I am all up on this new agent thing.

"Good morning," He looks between me and Natasha," Did I interupt something?"

I look towards Natasha who looks back at me, curiosity and little concern. Fury is waiting for an answer and I say," No...No, go ahead."

He nods before giving both of us one quick once over. „"Your little show last night...I must say you handled the situation well but you should have contacted us."

"You didn't hear when he was roaring his ass off and coming down that mountain? And besides if we called you he would have destroyed half the campus by then," He and Natasha both have a surprised look on their face and I wonder what I did wrong until I realize," With respect sir."

He laughs," I like you, Rogers. You are a smartass but you get the job done."

"Uh, thank you?" I don't know if I should take that as a compliment.

"You five did good out there. You handled the situation very well. It was calm and controlled. No one died. I was wondering-," I interrupted him.

"Only a one time thing," I explain as the emotion drains from me," One day when the world is at peace and I don't hate their guts...maybe."

"But onto business...the World Council is questioning your actions and your...mobility," He gives me a stern look.

"What exactly do you mean?"

"That other stunt you pulled yesterday...The one where you almost killed Clint Barton and Tony Stark. They question whether you should be able to walk freely. They think of you as a huge danger," He sounds so calm about it.

"Excuse me, sir, but why are you so calm about this?" Curiosity takes over.

"Because I know you aren't a danger unless you don't agree with them but know I see how much _power and how much value you are_ to whoever could get their hands on you," I could hear something in his voice that was very familiar but I couldn't place it.

"What about Thor and the others?"

"They will be monitored and if they show good behaviour we might recruit them for SHIELD," He says.

"No, Thor isn't for this. He means well but sometimes he can be a little bit too...proud," Trust me I wanted to say more than just 'proud' for Thor.

"Ok, fine then. We won't," He says and I nod, satisfied.

"One more thing," He looks at me in anticipation," We need a new room. Ours was kind of destroyed."

"I will get right on it but for now you guys should find another room," He says," Anyway. Good luck on your first mission agent. If you get killed we will not pay for any charges fined or anything like that. You go rogue and we will hunt you down like a bat outta' hell. Got it? Good. Hopefully, I will see you in four days."

"Die?! Hold-," He hangs up. I sigh. That motherfucker put me on deathrow. Natasha laughs quietly before leaning her head back and closing her eyes, smile still on her lips. I was about to do the same when someone walks up to me.

"Sir? There is a lady outside waiting for you," I get up, curious to see who I forgot to say bye to. As I walk down the steps my heart stops. Peggy, standing there with a box in her hand.

"What is this? I thought I said goodbye already," I walk up towards her and the smile she has grows wider.

"I forgot to give you your first mission present," I look down at the box while she opens it dramtically...

It's a pocket watch and next to it a glock 40.

"You didn't have to do this," I pick up both. Glock is light, loaded, and deadly. The pocket watch is beautiful, gold, and has a picture of her in it. I smile and give her a hug. "Thank you...So much."

"I felt like if you ever needed me I would be there in spirit," She says and gives me a light peck on my lips. First kiss we ever had and it was a peck. I look at her, frozen, and she looks at me the same. Then I kiss her. No not a peck. Not a small kiss but a deep, passionate one. It doesn't feel long but it doesn't feel short. It is just right. Slowly and hesitantly she backs up. It was time for me to go.

"I want to repay you for that 'date' when I get back," She nods sort of breathless," Thank you again."

I walk backwards. What just happened? Was this a dream right now? Did I seriously just fucking do that?

Yes the fuck I did.

I turn around, a big smile plastered on my face. I just kissed her and it was _good_. As I walked up the steps I did this sort of giddy jump. Shit, I need to stop. I arrived at my seat later only to find Natasha asleep. She had her head turned away from me and her breathing was steady. Involuntarily I brushed her hair out of her face with the pad of my thumb. It grazed over the plump of her cheek.

If only I knew there was a tear falling carelessly on the other one.

 **Sorry if this chapter seems a little rushed but I was trying to hurry up and give it to you guys. Oh and also sorry if this took so long but I have been working on a little side project. If you are familiar with Beauty and the Beast the TV show you might enjoy it. I will be posting it after I finish this and Enemy of My Enemy.**

 **Oh and by the way HAPPY HOLIDAYS.**

After Fury hung up he looked back Coulson," You think I did right sending them to infiltrate Hydra?"

"Well Rogers might be smart enough to put the pieces of the puzzle together and figure out who killed his parents. So that might be the good part," Coulson answered.

"If he finds out that the leader of Hydra killed his parents he will be pissed. Hell, he might just kill everyone in the damned building.


	7. Light of Day Part I

"Ah, no, no, no," I beg, pleading, _crying_ once I see the body lying on the ground. I don't want to go towards her. I don't want to but my body has other plans, forcing me to face up to my consequences. The emotions running through me were like a typhoon but compared to the tears it was a slight shower of rain. This…This isn't possible. No, I cry. I am beginning to choke up, my pain flooding throughout me. This is my fault. This is my fucking fault. I drop to my knees. That empty void is swallowing me from the inside out. Maybe if I was faster, stronger, smarter, I would've known beforehand and could've prevented it. Fuck this. I grab her lifeless body and bring her towards me, tears pooling down my eyes like rain drops. There was no need to yell for help. Everyone here was dead. Including her. Damn this. I was feeling that emptiness again. I was feeling so much that emptiness just outweighed it all. Outweighed my love, my pain, my sadness, my happiness, jealousy, anger. Nothing but empty.

She was dead…

…and there was nothing I could do about it.

 **. . . . .**

 **48 hours prior…**

"You ready, Rogers?"

"Nope, but I have no other choice."

"That's the spirit. Get ready to drop in…3…2…1."

The cargo hold opened and I dropped. All the way down I was whispering a silent prayer that I wouldn't die. My mission? Clear the ship of any and every hostile enemy while getting intel on a secure facility that SHIELD needed coordinates on. It sounded easy while I was flying through the air at a speed of about a 100 MPH. Unfortunately, for me I wasn't going right, left, or up. I was going down. No parachute. No bouncy house on the ground. Just straight up water. The Langen Gang, a German freight ship, held information on a hidden facility in the Rocky's. To me this was a mission, first of many I assumed. To SHIELD, this was training. I looked at the deck full of armed agents. Training, my ass. This was a full blown going in guns blazing. And that's another thing. They hadn't given me a weapon. Fury had talked with one of the SHIELD scientist and they said it would be better if I relied on my super soldier abilities in order to improve my skills and strength. I called bullshit and demanded I see this scientist's credentials. Apparently he had gone to Harvard, graduated a year early, and spent two years studying the human anatomy. I'll be damned I said. Natasha had a laugh and said I needed to lighten up. Screw that, I needed to load up. I actually wanted to use the gun Peggy had given me and as soon as I had gotten on the SHIELD jet some agent tried to confiscate it. I knocked his teeth in and before I could kill the guy Natasha took it and said she would take care of it. I trusted her. Sadly, the same couldn't be said about the dickwad in the medical wing. Yeah, now he needs braces. At the time when I punched him I didn't know how much strength I actually put in the punch. It didn't feel like a lot. But every time when I try to open a door the handle breaks. Natasha has gotten a couple of quips in about that every time. Says I need to tone down on the steroids or lay off the milk. I saw screw you and she responds with a wink. And I can't help but feel the blush that creeps across my face every time she does it.

 _Incoming ocean, buddy._

Quickly, I position myself into a dive, placing my arms on the side of my head, and locking my feet together. When I landed in the water only my chest hurt. Even though it had been nearly twenty-four hours since Tony and I had fought my chest was still sore from his blast. It had felt slightly irritated but I would look at it later. Right now I had a mission that I had to complete before sun rise.

I had may my way to the freighter and pulled myself up using the chains on the outside.

"F-190 to American Eagle," My com rang in my ear with the sound of Natasha's voice.

"Will you stop calling me that?" I grunted and pulled myself over the hull of the ship, ocean water dripping off my black SHIELD issued suit.

"F-190 to American Eagle, do you copy?" Natasha persisted. She had been calling me American Eagle ever since we got on the damned jet. And ever since then she wouldn't respond to me if I didn't respond back as American Eagle.

I sighed," American Eagle to F-190, I copy."

"You know your mission stats?" She asked and I could hear the smile on her face.

"Nope, even though you repeated them to me twenty times, detailed, and thoroughly on the cargo hold," I hid behind a crate and using the mirror adjacent to me I analyzed how many soldiers were onboard.

"Ok, well let me go over them thoroughly one more time," She stated and I groaned before grabbing a disc looking object and throwing at the nearest soldier. He fell down like a bag of rocks and the disk flew back towards. This would work. "Clear the deck of any hostile enemies and make your way to the hull of the ship. There you will find a big computer, can't miss it. Find the coordinates to a secret base in the Rocky's. Once done, get out unseen."

I wasn't paying attention to a damned thing she was saying. I was in a choke hold and some other soldier had my feet locked down. Using the disk I bounced it on the ground only for it to knock out the guy holding me in a choke hold. I landed on my head but that didn't deter me from sitting up in the soldier's arms and head butting him.

"Holy shit, Rogers, you just went Terminator on his ass with the head-butting."

Grabbing the disk from the ground I took off, throwing the disk off one soldier for it to bounce off another guy. Knocking out two birds with one disk. Nice.

"I am glad you approve of my fighting techniques," I grunt, punching one guy in the face. I jump off the railing and land on another soldier. And for a moment while I stood there I realized my subconscious was a little too quiet. Hey, where are you?

 _As your skill set grows stronger so do you. This is your opportune chance to prove to yourself that you don't need me, that your mind grows stronger with the knowledge I have given you._

Oh, I was kind of sad at the thought of my instinctive subconscious leaving me.

 _Don't worry, we have a couple more weeks together but for right now pay fucking attention._

I smiled a little.

"Rogers, why the hell are you just standing there? You got a mission to finish," Natasha's demanding voice brought me out of my thoughts.

"Yes, ma'am," I respond and take off running towards the hull.

 **. . . . .**

 **SHIELD Jet…**

Natasha turned off the com for a minute and turned her attention towards the screen ahead of her.

"Stats," Fury demanded.

"He is doing great, fastest I have ever seen anyone move," Natasha commented," He just cleared a whole deck of HYDRA soldiers in less than five minutes, survived jumping from a jet five hundred feet in the air, and went Terminator on a guy holding his feet together."

"He head-butted the guy?" Fury asked, astonished. She nodded," Well, I'll be damned."

"And he moves so effortlessly too," She stated," He has no history or record in training in parkour yet he moves like he has done it all his life."

"Fighting?"

"It is like his body naturally accommodates to the task at hand, whether it is fighting or running. His fighting skills are superb. He is a natural, reflexes, instincts, combat, and endurance are exceedingly outstanding."

"Can he take you?" Fury asked, smug smile appearing across his lips.

"Hell no," Natasha stated flatly.

 **. . . . .**

 **Meanwhile…**

"How is he doing?" Johann Schmidt asked in a thick German accent.

"Like we expected, sir, but even better. Instincts, reflexes, endurance, speed, strength, and flexibility are beyond our expectations. Exceeding the level actually. But he shows much restraint in combat, he hasn't made a kill yet."

"Don't worry, it is going to happen soon and when it does I want you to prep for his arrival."

"Yes, sir. And what are we going to do when he gets here?"

"…Welcome him home, of course."

 **. . . . .**

 **The Langen Gang…**

I had made my way to the hull, finally, and when I saw the computer Natasha was talking about my mouth dropped. She wasn't kidding about the size. This thing was fucking humongous but also ancient technology. Hundreds of screens but only one keyboard.

"I see the computer, F-190," I state after getting over my shock," This thing is ancient though. Like Dinosaur Age technology."

She chuckled a little bit," Get that thumb drive I gave you and insert it in the base of the computer."

"Got it," I said and did as told," What do I do know?"

"Something is going to pop up on the screen and when you see it, click download all," She answered and I did just that. I watched as all the files began to download on the thumb drive. It was going at a slow rate but I had the patience. I had knocked out almost all of the soldiers and I wasn't particularly worried. For a first mission I was doing pretty well until something caught my eye.

ERROR-System Attack-ERROR

20 minutes till detonation.

"Deto-? No, no, no," I mutter and type furiously across the computer," Natasha I tripped some kind of fail safe. There is a 20 minute detonation on this thing."

"No way," She said and paused for a moment," Holy shit, the entire bottom of that freighter is rigged to blow. "

"I thought you said usually first missions don't have to do with explosives."

"This is bigger than we thought it was…I need to contact Fury. Um, is it still downloading?" She asked and I looked back at the screen.

"Yeah," I say slowly, my eyes catching something.

 **. . . . .**

 **SHIELD Jet…**

Natasha turned the com off before returning to the screen broadcasting Fury.

"Sir, we got a shitload of explosives in the hull, 20 minutes till detonation," Natasha said, never taking her eyes off the screen which had Steve in it.

"Is the file still downloading?" He asked and her eyes shot to him.

"Nick-," She tried to warn.

"Keep downloading until we get all the info," He stated and Natasha nearly broke the computer.

"Fury… _he_ is in there," In her mind she was pleading," Please, don't make this call."

"Sorry, Romanoff, but this information is vital if we wish to take down HYDRA one day."

 **The Langen Gang…**

59% Downloaded…Rogers, Steven Grant

60% Downloaded…Attack Coordinates

"Wait, wait, wait," I bent back down towards the computer to clarify what I had seen," Why does this file have my name on it?"

Natasha went silent for a moment," What?"

"Why does this fucking file have my name on it?" I slam my hand against the desk, demanding a damn answer but before she could breathe a syllable I hear a gun click behind me. I whip around to see an old man, lab coat, receding gray hairline, and cracked glasses.

 _Absolutely no training in combat whatsoever, aim for his knees, and then knock out. Disarm him first._

I throw the disk towards him and immediately it disarms him. I pick the gun up. It feels weird in my hands but my body adjust to it immediately.

"Oh ist mein, es Sie," He says and for a moment I don't know what he is saying but that moment is short-lived.

"Worüber sprichst du?" I ask and I cover my mouth. Did I just speak German?

"Rogers, did you just speak German?" Natasha asks but I pay her no mind. I am focused on the jittery scientist in front of me and the fact that I know German.

"Who are you?" I ask, gratefully turning back to English.

"It doesn't matter who I am," He says, his voice rich with German heritage," You're the one who matters more than anyone on this ship…Aw, man, when they said you were beautiful I didn't expect you to be this glorious."

"What-What are you talking about?" I stutter and look back at the file downloading.

15 minutes till detonation.

"After all these years you are more than I expected," The jittery doctor murmured and brought himself closer to me. I backed up instinctively and he stopped. "Don't be frightened…Don't you remember me?"

"I don't know you," I mutter. I don't know this guy. Do I?

"It has been ages since I had last seen you," He marveled, he had gotten closer to me, hands in the air, trying to shape around my face," Arnim Zola? Don't you remember? That trip you took to the doctor ten years ago?"

I shake my head, frantically, only making the confusion worse. Between the file I was downloading, this guy who supposedly knew me, this bomb, and the fact that he was so entranced by me. Natasha remained silent.

"You, my boy, had visited the doctor ten years ago for a checkup only to find out you had developed a rare disease that causes all of your organs to shut down during strenuous activities. If shut down too many times it would cause extreme amounts of pain before death. There was no cure known to the medical world but the hospital you visited…St. Joseph, was funded by the organization I worked for…HYDRA. Once we got your results for something we working on we had to have you. My brother and I, Dr. Abraham Erskine, had been working on the serum for HYDRA. I had been working on a pre-meditated serum for the serum coursing through your veins now. You were the right age, right size, right blood type and had a clear minded brain. You weren't naïve like the other subjects and you had a certain fire to you that I couldn't help but admire. I injected the pre-serum into you. Mr. Schmidt wanted something to use. Using my brother's degree as a doctor and my profession as a scientist we made the serum but somehow you were the only subject who lived to survive the procedure. Unfortunately, our research was burned when something went terribly wrong…You must understand, boy, you were the _only surviving subject_. So when Schmidt came to your home, he had good intention-," Zola was interrupted.

"Wait…Schmidt," Was he-? No. It wasn't possible,"Umbringen er meine Eltern…?"

"Bitte-."

"Did he kill my parents?!" I raised the gun up to his head, anger fueling my sadistic desires. The scar on my abdomen began to itch and voices began to echo in my head. I could hear Natasha's voice in the background, telling me to leave, but the voices drowned her out.

 _Kill him._

"Schmidt needed you to be prepared for what he wanted from you, _what he expected from you_ ," Zola explained," He needed you. You were the only who could survive the Super-Soldat-Verfahren. Your parents were just going to get in the way and besides…we needed an excuse to take you."

10 minutes.

I couldn't believe what he was telling me. This guy named Schmidt killed my parents because he needed me, cause I was the only surviving subject of this pre-serum bullshit but…

"Wozu?" I ask but he doesn't respond and I pull back the slide of the gun before repeating. "For what?!"

"A weapon to win the war with America…and destroy SHIELD," Zola answered and took a more confident position," I must be honest with you…I can't blame him…I mean look at you, your parents would have gotten in the way of your greatness…"

The voices echoing through my head rang loud.

 _Kill him._

I cocked my head, tilting my ear down as to pour the voices out.

"…He told me of his great feat when he had gotten back all bloody. How your parents screamed…"

The voices grew all around.

 _Kill. Him._

"…He told me you watched him do it too, your own parent's blood splattering across your pajamas…"

I cocked my head to the side and closed my eyes, voices growing louder.

 _Pull the trigger._

"…He also told me you didn't run. At first I thought shock? But no, it must have been admiration…"

 _Kill him!_

There is a beep, a shout, a bang, and a snap.

The computer was almost done downloading, he had grabbed the gun from me and shot, Natasha shouted, and I? I had dodged the shot, took a step forward, and snapped his neck. His body fell uselessly on the ground. Lifeless. I don't know what had gotten over me but I had picked up the gun and just kept shooting over and over again until the tip of the barrel was smoking. The feelings washing over me didn't compare to the emptiness I felt. I just killed him. My first kill. And when I did it I didn't stop shooting. Why didn't I stop? It was like my bare hands weren't enough. I just had to have the satisfaction that he was dead. And I had to admit, part of it felt good. Adrenaline pumping, blood rushing, heart racing experience. It felt good. _No, it didn't._ It did, absolutely. Quietly and slowly I sat down on a crate of explosives, both my head and gun hanging uselessly in the air. My elbows were against my knees and I slouched with defeat. Is this what power felt like? Is this what men had desired for thousands of ages? What they had gone to war for? I don't know why they killed for it. It was overwhelming sensation of empty, darkness. A dark void of eternal suffering…What the hell am I talking about? I just realized some ignorant, power whore, fucker killed my parents because I was the only one could survive the Super Soldier Serum without dying and here, I sit, being poetic. I really need a voice of reason here but no, I am growing stronger by the minute that he can't even speak to me or telepathically do what he does.

Fuck me.

"Rogers?" A voice asks and I realize Natasha is speaking through the com, softly, not bothering to break the void. "Rogers, you need to leave. That bomb is about to go off."

"Yeah?" I ask, in a bored manner.

"Yeah," She confirms, softly.

" _No,"_ I can't hear but Fury says it directly talking to Natasha through the com, _" The file hasn't finished downloading. Tell Rogers to stay put. That's an order."_

A moment of silence passes. I don't move. Natasha fumes.

"Yeah, I am so done with your bullshit, sir," Natasha says and I can hear an engine start," Rogers you got exactly two minutes. Get your ass out of there alive or I will haunt your ass in the afterlife."

" _Romanoff," Fury warns_.

"Come on, Rogers," Natasha ignores Fury all together and I can't help but laugh at her defiance. I look up at the downloading file.

90% Downloaded…Coordinates

1 minute and 30 seconds till detonation.

Should I? Or should I not? My decisions are weighed here.

…

Screw it.

I stand by the computer, whistling a tune familiar only to my own.

95% Downloaded…Super Soldier Project

1 minute

"Rogers, what are you doing?" Natasha asks, I can hear the jet outside the hull, ready for my departure.

"I need to know, Natasha," I answer.

97% Downloaded…SHIELD Attack Plans

30 seconds

I am bouncing on the balls of my feet.

99% Downloaded…All Files

15 seconds

My hand hovers over the thumb drive and my body is ready to take off.

100% Downloaded…Complete

10 seconds

"Rogers! Get your ass on this jet _now_!"

I take off, grabbing the thumb drive before jumping over crates of explosives. I see a hole at the end of the opening and I see a jet. A SHIELD issued jet. My heart races with the adrenaline pumping my body to go faster. Wishing I would go faster. Willing it to go faster.

5 seconds

"Come on, come on," I hear Natasha mutter. I focus on moving faster. Once the explosion goes off the pilot will have to get away so to not risk the jet blowing up as well. I know I can go faster. Looking up I see Natasha standing on the jet, hands out, pushing me to hurry. I don't know what it was but just the sight of her pushed my body harder, my legs began to move faster without my own control. I reach the edge of the freighter and jump.

2…1

…

Boom!

…

The jet goes to the left, trying to avoid the flames.

…

My momentum carries me but the explosion sends me flying.

…

The jet continuing to go farther away doesn't help me.

…

Nothing but flames.

…

I grab onto the edge of the jet, smile appearing across my lips. Natasha smiles at me but both of our smiles fades when I begin to slip off the edge of the jet, my grip doing nothing. My weight tips the jet slightly and I begin to fall until my hand catches the bridge.

"This is not fucking working," My body hangs over the flames of the ship.

 _Swing your body._

My voice of reason reawakens and I do as I am told, swinging my body back and forth.

 _Propel yourself forward._

I swing for a little bit and push myself upward, pain coursing through my back. Natasha helps me up, grabbing my bicep and practically pulling me into her arms. The tension in my body releases automatically as I make contact with her, bringing me to a sort of peace. Damn, it feels good to be in her arms. Behind me there is a raging fire and in front of me a glorious snowstorm. Relief washes over me like a flood. I did it. I fucking did it. The smile on my face is soon going to break my face if I don't stop. I step out of her embrace and look at her but she isn't smiling. She is staring at her hand, lips parted, and worry written across her face. Sniffing the air I realize it is blood, the metallic smell resonating through my nostrils.

She looks at me questioningly, eyebrow raised. I look behind me and I almost faint.

My back is charred, the flames had completely engulfed my suit and now burned at my skin. Now realizing it is there the pain came crashing down like a bitch and I turned towards Natasha with clenched teeth.

 **. . . . .**

 **SHIELD Headquarters…**

"They work well together," Coulson stated," You should be glad there on our side-."

" _I am_ glad," Fury stated, arms crossed," But rebelling, together, makes me want to treat them as if they are on the other side. Natasha is defiant and rebellious, he is ignorant and tenacious, together they would make the perfect combination but working with them…I am going to be honest with you…it is a bitch."

"This is his first mission and he just learned a shitload about his past that he didn't even know about. You can't blame him and she, being madly in love with the idiot, can't blame her either. You sent him to his death for fuck's sakes and she was protecting him. You. Can't. Do. That. Nick without repercussions. Your greed clouding your judgement and now he has second degree burns on his back," Coulson huffed and plopped in his chair.

"…Rough day?" Fury asked.

"Yeah," Coulson sighed," My cat died."

"I offer my condolences."

 **. . . . .**

 **Meanwhile…**

"Ah-ha! Prep for his arrival! I want this place in tip-top-shape when he gets here!" Schmidt yelled and ordered his agents. "Did you see that?! If that wasn't beautiful I don't know what is. He just kept shooting Zola, shot after shot after shot. His death won't go in vain but- as the Americans say- hot damn that amazing."

"What about the red head, sir?"

"Ah, what the hell? Bring her in too…This is a celebration, of course! A homecoming!"

 **. . . . .**

 **The Jet…**

"AHHH!" The pain coursing through my back was excruciating. They had stripped me down to my bare chest and had gripped my biceps for dear life. I was questioning their motives until they began to pour some liquid substance against my back that had me screaming. Natasha's soothing words didn't help, her hand running wildly through my hair didn't either. Both of the agents holding me down, hard by my arms tried offering little words of encouragement but it was all bullshit. For some reason I was raging and wanted to get out of their grip. Natasha was the one pouring this mysterious substance on my back and it didn't help my rage. My teeth were locked together, my back arched with the scoring pain, and my grip on the seat was turning deadly.

"Just a little bit more, love," She muttered to me but I could barely hear her over my own cries of pain. Her voice was pained, pleading compared to my own. She didn't want to do this," Come on, I know you can handle it."

"AHH!" I roared, arching my back, trying to get further away from this toxic motherfucker pouring down my back. Tears clouded my eyes and sweat was building up on my skin. Wrenching my arms away from the agents holding me down, I shoot up, and push both those idiots away from me. Natasha places whatever she was pouring on my back on the ground before I shove her against the wall. I make my way towards her in a threatening manner but she doesn't seem frightened.

"Stop," She demands when I get a breaths length away from her. My body betrays me and I do exactly as I am told. We lock eyes. My rage meeting her peace and my fire meeting her ice. It is a toxic combination but we balance each other out. Odd as it is, I accept. And the look on her face she accepts it too. Our fellow agents retreat to the cockpit and we stand there, looking into each other's eyes for the answers to all the world's questions. My hands are clenched into tight fists, the pain still radiating off my back like the sun radiates heat. Wordlessly and without her taking her eyes away from my own, she places her hand on my bare shoulder. Her hands are cold and bloody. I enjoy the cool sensation as long as I can before she slides her hand down my biceps, next my elbow, then my forearm, and finally making its way to my hand. Quietly, she slid her small fingers into my clenched fist, relaxing my hands, before intertwining our fingers. My hands relax and I tighten our intertwined fingers. My jaw is tight and she sees that. Much like before, she brings her hand up to my jaw, but her eyes roam over it like it is such beauty. She runs her hand numbly over my jaw and the sensation is enough to bring me to my knees. But I stay strong. She can feel my resistance and brings her thumb to my bottom lip, coaxing it out of its tension. She pulls at it, the pad of her thumb bringing it down. I believe she is done but I was so wrong. Her hand rises from my lips to the plump beneath my eyes. She traces it like she is reading braille and a moment I question whether she seeks something she can't see.

"Thank you," I tell her, breathlessly, before leaning my forehead against her own, anger washing away. And suddenly I can feel my skin beginning to mend, it is an awkward sensation but it heals me fully.

"Hey, next time you have an episode count on me," She smiles and I snort amusingly.

"I wouldn't necessarily call it an episode…," I sniff and the hand that traced the plump under my eyes went to the top of my mouth. She traced the curves of my lips and me being more daring than ever I give her middle finger a little peck. The response if nothing but glorious as she smiles brightly, teeth luminescent against her red lips.

"How about a fugue state?" One of the agents suggested from the cockpit.

She smiled and I laughed.

"Well, at least, that doesn't make me sound insane," I stated

"Trust me, you are insane," She mutters to me.

"…And why is that?" My brows furrow with curiosity.

"Cause you're with me," She says and I love the way she smirks up at me, her hand falling from my lips to my chin, next my neck, then outlining my collar bone, before dipping to my bare chest, and carving the outlines of my bare muscles. I watch her, eyebrow raised. "Now, you're beginning to look like me."

I laughed, eyebrow still raised.

"Hey, Romanoff!" One of the agents from the cockpit shouted. "ETA Ten minutes."

I look up at her confusingly," Wait, where are we going?"

"You think you're done? That was just the tip of the iceberg," She winked at me before walking away.

"Hey, can I, uh, get a shirt?" I ask and lean against the cool interior of the jet.

She gave me a once over before saying," No."

 **. . . . .**

 **Later…**

 **Germany…**

"We not only need to test your combat capabilities but how you handle in the field with just your wits," I heard Natasha over the comm. I nod, adjusting the three piece suit against my body. The mission? Kill some illustrious woman who committed fraud, homicides, trafficking, and has knowledge of something that she shouldn't even dream about. I was posing as a newly hired bodyguard. She was to be escorted from one place to her hotel suite where she would converse with her equally rich friends, there when she done she would excuse herself to her room for the night. The only order I was given was to kill her discreetly. They didn't tell me how, where, or why. Only that I was the one that would do the deed. And as I stood outside a door, waiting on a Miss Jennifer Lance I stood pondering what SHIELD was really all about. They wanted me to kill someone. And a question arose? What did they really do? Their motives and conspiracies have me quiet suspicious. First they wanted to cage me like an animal, second they wanted to put me down, third they ask me to join them, and lastly the use me to kill a woman I know absolutely nothing about other than the fact that she there are multiple charges against her. These was one of those moments I miss my second sub-conscious. I teeter, shoving my hands into my pockets, and look around at the other body guards.

"Nervous, newbie?" One of them asks and my attention shoots towards him.

"Um, no, sir," I shrug my shoulders, playing the role of an amateur body guard," Just a big fan."

"We were all big fans once upon a time…Isn't that right boys?" All of the other men nodded. "But don't let it dull your senses, newbie."

"Yes, sir," I fake a gulp. This dude is fucking ridiculous. Next thing I know someone is signaling that my target is exiting the facility. I jump, all thoughts gone and the need to fulfill my mission floods through me. I take position and walk through the crowd of photographers and interviewers. I open the door and wait for my target to come out and once she does things get hectic. The guards try to escort her through the crowd of persistent photographers and into the limousine. I hold out my hand for her and she grabs it with a great amount of force. Once she is in the car I get in the driver seat.

She huffs as I begin to pull the limousine out.

"Mrs. Lance, where to?" I already know the answer but it's part of the routine.

"My hotel," She answered, as expected, and I nod," Hey, are you the new body guard?"

"Yes, ma'am," I answer, one hand on the wheel the other running through my hair.

"What's your name?" She asks.

"Michael," I lie. I don't want any of this tying back to me," Michael Laurence."

"Well, Mikey, since we are going to be knowing other for quite some time why don't you tell me about yourself," She says and I breathe out a sigh. This is going to be one long drive. I tell her about my fake like as an ex-football star. Quarterback for my old college in Tennessee. Go Blue Dolphins. I tell her about my expertise in marksmanship and I how I used to pick up chicks with it. How I fished, how my parents weren't rich or poor but just in the middle, how I climbed Mount Everest, and how I survived a bear attack. I told her about the American Dream, my American Dream. If the world wasn't at constant war and if we didn't have power whores that maybe I would've gotten to live that _dream_. She smiled and laughed and told me how her parents had gotten their fortune. Her ancestors were miners who struck gold when they transferred to California during the Gold Rush. And how when she was a child she would have guards on her non-stop including when she went to birthday parties and school. I laughed occasionally here and there about some of the stories and for one fleeting moment I actually thought I wasn't on a mission.

"Here we are, Mrs. Lance," I say and get out of the car. I toss the keys towards the valet before escorting Jennifer Lance into the building. She makes a move to trip and accidentally falls onto me. She apologizes but lingers on me a little too long. Soon we make it towards a table with her friends. They chat for a minute and I am too busy looking out the window to notice they began to look at me. But when my nose closes in on something other than there perfume I shoot around.

"Hey, Mr. Bodyguard, sir," One of them shouts," My friend, the one you're protecting, has the hots for you."

My target blushes insanely and I nod, my lips upturning the slightest. In another world I would've flirted back. It begins to grow dark and finally my target says farewell. I was getting tired of them. I walk my target to her penthouse apartment and I can tell by the way she walks and the way she slurs my fake name that she is drunk.

"Tonight is a beautiful night," She practically shouts as we enter her apartment," Don't you agree Mikey?"

I nod slowly, softly," Yes, ma'am."

"I am going to take a shower," She slurs and begins to strip.

I pause and before I know what I am doing I say," Yes ma'am.

She smiles proudly and walks towards her bathroom, still stripping. I tear my gaze away. I have to make it look like an accident. I make my way towards her bathroom. She already started the shower and was letting the water run down her back. I chant in my head, _it has to look like it was an accident._ But to be honest, I didn't want to do this. I was holding back tears of killing this woman. I had been calling her a target in my mind only to forgo the fact that she was a human being. A person. I don't want to do this I practically plead in my head. For a moment I think about just leaving. This wasn't like earlier when my reflexes acted on its own, or when it was kill or be killed. No, this was straight up murder. I bit my knuckle to hold back my cries of anguish. Killing someone wasn't easy. But then something reminded me that this woman, _this target_ , was a bad person. She had killed people herself and she, herself, thinks of only getting whatever she wants. Soon enough she turns around and sees my silhouette but it's too late. I already made my decision.

"Hey, Mike-," My hand slips into the shower before yanking her ankle back. She falls. I hear a thud then a snap.

"I am so sorry," I plead and tears burst through like a damn. I just killed someone. My bare hands. And the fact that she said my name, my fake name before she fell just kills something inside you. Like, literally, something inside me just died and now there is a hole in me. And in this moment it feels as if nothing can fill its place.

 **. . . . .**

 **Five minutes later…**

After I had gotten myself together I had walked out of the building but before I could go to the extract point someone stopped me.

"Hey, newbie, you're supposed to be protecting Mrs. Lance," It's the same dude from earlier and I fight so hardly not to knock his ass to the ground.

"Yeah," I choke out and rock back and forth on the balls of my feet," She didn't want me there anymore and some other guard named, Michael Laurence, said he had it taken care of."

The man before me nodded and shook me on the shoulder. "Good…It is good to obey their orders."

I nod and excuse myself, making my way towards the extract point.

Once I was in the car, I sat there and placed my elbows on my knees. We were on our way towards our hotel for the night. The two agents, Frank and Tripp, were sitting in the front while Natasha and I sat in the back of the spacious car. But I didn't care. A million thoughts, voices, memories, were shooting through my head like bullets. _Kill them. It's fun isn't? Seeing the light, the life ease from their eyes? I know you like it. No…You love it. The sadist son of a bitch you are, you probably enjoyed it. Didn't you? Huh…? DIDN'T YOU?_

My hand finds the armrest.

 _The sound of smacking as his fist kept beating them resounded throughout the room. Nothing but the thud of my heart beats and the smack of his fist. My cries were probably heard all over the neighborhood as this red-faced man kept beating on my family but no one came. No. One. Came. And my cries were nothing compared to the screams when he was finally making his way towards me._

My hand tightens and it rips the armrest from the interior of the car.

The voices, the memories, the thoughts cease. All three of them are looking at me with concern, fear, and a tad of worry written across their expressions. I could expect that too. I am sweating and my eyes are slightly blood-shot.

"You are so quiet," Tripp says softly," I sometimes forget that you are suffering."

"Tell us what's bothering you, mate," Frank says and I run my hands through my hair.

"I don't want to talk," _But I need to._

"Come on, Rogers, tell us what's up," Natasha says and my eyes meet hers. Green and blue meet yet again.

I sigh," You ever kill someone-?"

I ask all three of them, even though Tripp is driving he is listening intently. Frank nods, not ashamed of his out comings, Natasha hesitates before doing so, clearly ashamed of her own, and Tripp he shakes his head vigorously. He reminds me of T'Challa, who has a noble and kind heart.

"-And when you kill them you can't help but feel power and emptiness at the time same time and it tears you apart. It, like, swallows you whole. And in that moment you feel as if nothing can make you whole again. Just the memory…the feeling…of taking their life overwhelms you, body and mind. It takes a toll on your humanity and your spirit. It drives you crazy and for one fleeting opportunity you want to do it again. It awakens your inner killer, your inner sadist and you tell yourself just one more. But every time you do it, a part of yourself dies in the process. Instead of a soul you just have an empty void waiting to be filled with grief and angst at the fact that you just took someone's life. You keep telling yourself it is just a target -a motherfucking target- but you keep avoiding the fact that this target is an actual human being with a life, kids, family, and an actual non-fucked up future. And people kill for what? Money, power, women, men, love, the fuck-of-it, and hell, some of them are bat-shit crazy but the consequences of taking an actual fucking life…it is unquenchable guilt and for some fucked up reason I don't feel as bad as I should," I huff. I feel like the preacher on Sundays when I go to church. He is really into his sermon, knows about it, experienced it, and shares it with others and tells them about another one of God's miracles. But I am preaching something different. I have experienced it and the second time it happens I feel like I know every damn detail.

They stare at me all in different perspectives. Natasha looks at me with understanding and Frank just looks ashamed, like he was reviewing his own wrong-doings and thinking them over. Tripp is trying to understand and I can't blame him for that.

Frank sighs and turns away," Unfortunately, I know how you feel."

"Hey, you did it for a good cause. This woman knew too much and with information like that it couldn't get into the wrong hands. Steve, you can't feel bad for a woman who brought this upon herself," Tripp says from the driver seat and I take in his words.

I fall back against my seat in defeat and look over at Natasha. She stares at the floor, not blinking. I question whether or not to break her out of her haze but she looks pained, hurt, as if this memory induced haze brought something terrible that she was hoping to forget. Hesitantly, while looking out the window, I grabbed her hand and intertwined our fingers. Her teary eyed gaze shoots towards me.

"I see you too," I whisper to her and the words mean more than anything in the world. She saw me at the party, when I had nothing but a vendetta, and now, for the first time, I can finally see her.

 **. . . . .**

 **Later That Night…**

We had arrived at the hotel. Tripp and Frank had practically flew out of the car, got to their rooms, and fell fast asleep. Natasha was asleep, leant on the door. I sighed before getting out and walking towards her side of the car. Quickly I open the door and catch Natasha in my arms, her head lulling against the space between my neck and shoulder. Closing the door with my hip I carry her bridal style towards the hotel. The receptionist and concierge smile at me as I make my way towards the elevator. One of them actually calls the elevator beforehand so I don't have to wait and I smile at them in thanks. I walk in the elevator, teetering on the balls of my feet but my eyes never leave her face. She actually looks peaceful.

"Rogers?" She asks, hoarsely.

"Yes?" I still don't take my eyes off of her, even when her green meets my blue.

"What are you doing?" She asks.

"Being a gentleman," I answer and she snorts. A moment of silence passes over us and the elevator ride can't seem to get any longer. She shifts in my arms, adjusting her position.

A beat skipped before she asked," If for a night, you could just forget about it all, the memories, everything…Would you?"

It takes a minute for me to answer but I nod. Then the air shifts and as does she. She hops down from my arms and I already begin to miss her warmth. She walks about two feet away from me before turning around and looking me dead in my eye. I lean back against the railing.

"What do you want most in the world?" She asks.

"Natasha, how does this have to do-?"

"Trust me, Steve…What do you want most in this world?"

"You," I answer and she pauses.

I could practically see the gears in her head, working its way to an option or choice. I lick my lips and my head dips. The sleeves of my three piece are rolled up and the jacket, I left in the car. The vest and shirt are warm and wrinkled from a certain red head being in my arms. My pants and shoes are slightly wet from the late night dew from earlier. My red tie is worn and I tug at it a little. But what happened next…Well, my clothes might as well be damned.

She kisses me.

She tugged at my worn tie and brought my face closer to her own before bringing her lips up to mine. I freeze but the warm sensation of her lips on mine makes me melt. It's soft at first. She was testing the waters. And I hesitate. I hesitate and she backs up. I already begin to miss the feel of her.

The elevator dings and she starts to walk away but my hand is too fast by grabbing her wrist. I swing her back towards me and our lips meet together again. And that is where things get heated. She kisses me with a sort of fire, a hidden passion that's been hidden a little too long and she shoves me against the wall. Her hands roam through my hair, nails scraping lightly against my scalp. My hands are wound tightly around her small hips. Surprisingly, I am not half bad at this. Her tongue slides against my lips and I remember that as a sign to allow her tongue to clash with my own, the fight for dominance just beginning. My body is filled with fire and the sensation is purely intoxicating. But before I know it, it is over. Natasha places her hand on my chest before shoving herself away from me and walking out the elevator with more sway to her hips than necessary.

The elevator doors begin to close and I begin to contemplate. Either go to my room, a floor above this one, or stay with her and forget about the shit that is my life.

…

Fuck it.

I force myself in between the doors and practically race down the hallways towards her. She smiles when I slam her into a wall, my body pining her there in that spot. I kiss her with it all. My anger, my passion, my desire, my sadness, my pain. I pin her hands against the wall on the either side of her head and I take pride of the gasp that escapes her.

If you are wondering how I know to do this…Bucky and Darcy showed me a couple of videos before the date. Kind of hard to forget.

I bring my attention towards the smoothness of her neck. Biting and kissing. Her hands run down my back and I try to lean down more to get a better angle. I tease her here and there but she doesn't tolerate it before shoving me against the wall adjacent. She walks towards me, making me urgent for her touch. I pull her towards me when she is arm's length. She is about a foot shorter than me and it begins to become difficult. She notices and taking me by surprise, she uses her flexibility to wrap her legs around my waist. I bite my lip and she smiles evilly as she begins to roll her hips against my own, the friction awakening something in me.

That's where I kind of, how do you say…?

Embraced my more _barbaric_ side.

I slam her back against the adjacent wall, her thighs still wrapped around my hips. She gasps at the pain beginning to shoot through her back but for some reason I don't pay any mind. My mind is going into another mode. I don't hold my strength back. The scene we are in just makes more of a strong aphrodisiac that takes over my senses and the only thing I can think about is her. She pulls my lips back up to her own and while doing so she began to strip me of my tie and practically ripping the buttons of my vest. I growl. I literally fucking growl. I have never heard such sound ever produce from my mouth but Natasha takes so much pride in it I must repay the favor. As my hands travels up the curve of her back I move to remove her shirt but the results are quite fascinating. The back of her shirt rips in half and I make a move to apologize but she pulls me back and shoves said garment off of her shoulders. Next thing to go is my shirt and once it is gone I shiver as the cold hits me but that is short lived when her nails rack down my bare back. I place my hands on her hips, trying to bring her impossibly closer to me. The heat radiating off her sparks a certain fire in me and when I try to pull away she bites my bottom lip. It sets me on edge. My hands begins to roam her body from her waist, up her sides, towards her neck where I tip her chin back for easier access towards her neck. My lips attack her neck with the determination to just please her and while my lips do that my hands begin to wander down the curvature of her bare back, the skin so smooth, and when I grab her ass she gasps slightly.

"Bedroom," She demands and I carry her towards her room, her lips and hands still roaming my body. She gives my lips a break and kisses down my column of my throat. Once I make it towards the door we have a standstill. It requires a keycard which she has in her pocket but her nails are racking down my chest and carving the dips and curves in my abdomen.

"Fuck this," I mutter before kicking down the door.

We make our way towards the bedroom where I sit on it bed only for her to push me down. She slides up slightly, adjusting her weight on me. We are too drunk with the feeling of each other, our skin contact, and I don't think I will be able to sober up. She bends down to kiss me all the while her hands are sliding down my neck, towards my chest, then my abs, then she reaches my belt buckle and my whole body tenses before flipping us both over, my mind switching to mission mode. This whole time, in and out, I was so focused on the situation that I didn't even think about the _situation_. I haven't had sex before and this is where I pause. I hover over her, hands on either side of her head, lips parted, chest heaving, eyes wide, never leaving her own.

I begin to shake my head slowly, trying to tell her implicitly that I can't do this. My eyes are filled so much doubt she would have to be blind not to see it. I try to get off of her but she tugs at my bicep and I look at her. She brings her hand up to my cheek and tugs at my lip.

"She was your first kiss…Let me be your first love," She says, her eyes flicking between my lips and my eyes. And for some reason I just can't deny her. I can't force myself to move away from her. It's like an invisible force that keeps me in her orbit. Slowly, she pulled me back down towards her and I end up back in between her legs. And like she promised, for six hours I totally forgot about reality.

 **. . . . .**

 **The next day…**

I had awaken and for the first time in many months I don't feel restless. I look around, lazily, my eyes adjusting to the brightness in the room. There is something on my lower abdomen. It's fleshy, soft, and warm. I look down to see a hand with red polished nails. The fingers are trailing absent-mindedly down my barely audible happy trail. I look over to see a pool of red, bed headed, curls. I can only see her bare back, her spine protruding. Not only that but I can see fading purple bruises. Shit, I sigh. I still need to learn to control my strength. I don't need to put as much effort as I used to. Quietly and softly sliding over towards her, I kiss the bridge between her neck and shoulder. She moves slightly but that is all the response I get.

Slowly I get out of bed as to not disturb her and pull on my black briefs and pants. I begin to walk around the apartment, my legs needing a stretch. I feel different, looser down there in my manhood. I try to pass it off as a morning wood thing. But soon after I realize and I almost smack myself in the face. Holy shit. Like seriously…Holy shit.

I just got deflowered.

I feel like a new man. Aw, man, when Bucky finds out he is going to freak and Jane might scold me. Darcy might say something like 'Atta boy'. Thor would pat me on the back so hard I would possibly fall. And the others would probably throw a party. Damn, I missed them. I might call them later today.

I look over at the clock.

7:30

The mission is later today so I could probably do something other than stand here like an idiot and think about the sexiest woman alive deflowering me. I shake my head and walk towards the door, intending to get some new clothes when something caught my eye. Two holes in the wall, my eyebrows furrow at the sight and I walk towards it, my hands tracing the holes.

 _I slammed her back against the wall, our bodies heavy with sweat. Her legs were wrapped around my waist and both of us were breathing heavily. Both of our eyes were closed, our foreheads together. The room was growing foggy with heat and our naked bodies were glistening with perspiration. She had one had on my shoulder, her teeth gritted, and her other hand gripping my hipbone. To my eyes she was gorgeous. My hands were on her hips but my grip was growing too tight and instead of her hips I placed my hands into the wall, the friction between us growing stronger. My lips parted to let out a slip of air. She was showing me these things that took me higher than a drug addict. And next thing I know my fist are baring into the wall when she does something with her hips._

The memory shot through me and I looked away, not necessarily ashamed but just trying to remember. But when I turn away I notice something else, a broken nightstand.

 _She was moaning my name, her hands roaming my chest to abs. Her nails scrapped down my back when I rolled my hips against her own. She bit my lip and both of our eyes met in a haze, the intensity of her gaze eliciting a slight growl from me. When her eyes meet my own I know she has something planned. She kisses me, lip, teeth, and tongue fight for dominance._

" _Я хочу тебя," She mutters under her breath._

" _Я уважением," I say back and she smiles, that bright, sexy, encouraging, sex-hazed smile. She wants me to go faster. She weaves her hands through her and brings her arms up like she was bound, giving her body to me. I stare at her, my more primal side coming out. Her bare, naked body, sits here before me and everything just becomes a blur. I have her against my body but as I try to get us on the bed I knock into it. I growl in her mouth before grabbing the nightstand and throwing against the wall before showing her how enhanced my stamina really is._

Well, damn.

I scratch the back of my head and continue to make my way towards the door only for me to find, yet again, another broken object. The door is practically busted in. I would've thought for a second someone busted in but the memory of me just wanting her so bad enough to break down the door washed over me. And I pause for a moment, looking back at the Goddess who lies in the sheets and the broken objects around the room.

…Was it really that good?

I walked towards the door which was tapped to the opening and when I went to open it, it collapsed and fell to the ground uselessly.

"Oh, not again!" Natasha's neighbors shouted and my eyebrows furrowed with confusion which prompts me to look at the front of the door which is plastered with posted notes and pieces of papers. Their words manly in German or Russian, barely any English.

Some say:

 _Next time you want to go screw each other go in the forest._

 _Give us a warning next time._

 _You motherfuckers, I swear if I hear that bed banging against my bedroom wall again I'm coming after you._

 _After you're done with her can you do me? You sound durable._

 _Fuck you, oh, never mind she already did that didn't she? I could tell._

I winced at the brutal comments and in the room adjacent to Natasha's an old lady came out, clothes in hand. She had ear plugs in and she was making her way to me. She handed me the clothes which reeked of sex and I recognized them to be our ripped clothing. The old lady then walked back into her own apartment.

"Danke," I said and she smiled with gratification.

I walk back into the apartment and place the door back in the doorway. I really hope they don't sue me for all this damage. I mean I didn't necessarily do this on purpose.

 _Well it wasn't necessarily an accident either._

I smile and shake my head. Asshole.

 _Eh, I am not an asshole. Just similar to one. By the way, we need to keep your body growing stronger than it is now. Grab an apple and hit the floor, 200 pullups and 250 sit-ups._

Fuck that. I wonder if they have a Dunkin Donuts or a McDonalds in Germany.

 _No, motherfucker, this is why I came. You can't eat all that when you got a workout like_ _ **that**_ _. Fruit and vegetables and hit the floor. Alright?_

Yes, sir, Mr. Asshole, sir.

 _That's the spirit._

 **. . . . .**

 **Meanwhile, back in America…**

"Maybe I should call him," Peggy mutters as she begins to pack for her trip with the rest of her team," You know? Check up on him."

"He's fine, Peg," Pepper said," He is probably killing Nazis as we speak."

"Tots," Bobbi agreed and flipped through her magazine.

"Yeah, Fury checked up on them earlier, they are fine," Maria confirmed, reassuring Peggy.

"Ok," Peggy sighed, somewhat still skeptical.

 **. . . . .**

 **Back in Germany…**

I was doing pullups like my dipshit second Super Soldier subconscious told me. I had gotten some shorts from my room to put on and a black tank top so I wouldn't be walking around naked, came back and checked on Natasha who was still asleep, got something to eat from the bar downstairs, and got to work. First it was just regular pullups then it turned into hardcore one handed pullups. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would to be honest. My body was working with me, easing my movements while also growing stronger. When you were me it was like your body and brain were two different things. Your body the weapon and the brain knew what to do to get the job done. But both worked together in sync. It was beautiful if you thought about it.

Besides my heavy breathing the only thing I could hear was Natasha's heartbeat. But that soon turned into the soft pitter-patter of her feet against the carpet. In the corner of my eye the only thing I can see her wearing are the torn sheets. Her bedhead makes her look natural and turns me on a little more than it should. Her green eyes aluminate against her pale skin as the morning light reflects across them. She stares at me for a minute, watching my muscles flex and my body move the way it does.

"Like what you see, gorgeous?" I breathe out, not stopping, switching from left hand to right hand. She laughs, red curls bouncing on her head as she does so. She walks towards the kitchen, gets something, and puts on a black lace bra and panties.

"You're working out after what happened last night?" She asks and as I go up and down on the bar her hands slip onto my chest, sliding down to my abs, her nails carving the indent of my muscles.

"I don't get tired," I say and something ignites in her wicked green eyes.

"Why didn't you wake me up?" She asks, her index finger trailing down my barely audible happy trail.

"I knew you deserved the extra sleep after last night," I huffed," By the way you're moving I would say you are still sore. And your accelerated heart rate and sore limbs tell me you are still tired but your aroma says you are willing to go one more round."

"Well you did give me quite the workout. I mean, I have never met anyone quite as _big_ as you," She murmurs and my eyes darken involuntarily," I must admit, your endurance is…longer than I anticipated. After, practically, the umpteenth round I was a little tired but you? You looked like you were just beginning."

"Yeah?" I grunted. She nodded and grabbed onto the pull up bar. I raised my eyebrow before she wrapped her deliciously curvy legs around my waist and sat herself on me," Your neighbors thought the exact same thing."

She smiled and grounded her hips against my own," Well, you did kind of break half the apartment, Rogers."

"I _did not_ ," I state, hanging us both by one hand," Things just got out of hand."

"Really?" I could sense that questioning eyebrow. "You call that 'out of hand'?"

She motioned towards the broken headboard which had hand prints in it for days.

"Oh," I say and she smiles.

 _When I said it was my first time, I meant it. The experience of it was weird at first but I slightly got the hang of it. She had laid her perfect, naked body beneath mine. I was on top, questioning, doubtful looks crossing my face before guiding me to what I needed to do. I was holding on to her hips at first but she said 'No, no, no. You are not about break my hips during sex, grab the head board.' I didn't exactly know what she meant by that but when she showed me 'how to insert the pickle' I had accidentally crushed the headboard underneath my grip, the wood beginning to snap and crumble to pieces because holy shit that felt…Well shit._

"I didn't know you were the rough type," She says and kisses a trail down my neck," Everyone's first time is messy…Yours was just messier than normal. I can't say that I didn't enjoy it."

"Is that supposed to be a compliment?" I ask and pause my movements.

"Take it as one," She demands and begins to slip her cool hands underneath my tank top. I shiver at her cool hands. She traces the muscles that flex under her touch. Damn, I breathe. Her touch does something to me. Not only does it melt me like a block of ice but it brings me to my knees. I jump up and she instinctively wraps her legs around my waist tightly. I drop down from the pull up bar, grab her legs and support her against me.

"Give a girl a warning next time, Rogers," Natasha says.

"Like what? I am going down," I walk her towards the bed.

"You sure as hell did last night," She says and I laugh lightly before grabbing her and tossing her on the bed. Before she can make a move I climb on top of her, draping my lips on hers. She moans in my mouth and unlike last time I actually feel controlled. I slide my tongue against her lip before she allows me to enter. My hand slides down to her waist to pull her closer to me. She tugs my tank top off, throwing it half way across the room. Her hands and perfectly manicured nails begin to trace over my abdomen, outlining the muscle that seeks out her touch. She arches her back when I thread my fingers into her hair, pulling her impossibly closer to my lips. I drag my lips from hers to trail down the column of her neck, to her collarbone, biting and nipping, then I travel down to her cleavage, covering almost every inch of purple I left on her.

"You owe me…for all of these," She breathes out and motions towards the numerous hickeys.

"Don't worry, I am in the process of repaying my debt," I say between kisses as she runs her hand through my hair. I am kissing my way down her toned stomach when she stops me.

"Mission in twenty," She breathes out.

"…We could make it a quickie."

She slaps me on the ass before slipping away from me and towards the bathroom. I stare after her, hope in my eyes that she will turn around but the only thing that turns is the shower dial.

"Get your ass in here."

I had never run faster in my life.

 **A/C This wasn't how this chapter was supposed to end but this file was beginning to take up to much storage and I didn't want to deal with all that. I apologize for the wait and I hope this chapter is worth it. Thank you all for sticking with me. I don't feel strong about this chapter as I do the others but I hope it beats your expectations.**

 **This is Part 1 of 2**

 **So...Who do you think died? Jane? Darcy? Peggy? Bobbi? Maria? WHO?**

 **Or...Could it be Natasha?**


	8. Light of Day Part II

**The Rocky's (Rocky Mountains) Secret HYDRA Base…**

We had entered the facility, stripping ourselves of our snow gear which I didn't have a need for. We had hiked for about two to three hours. It had been me, Natasha, Tripp, Frank, and some new people, their names were, Skye, Grant Ward, Hunter, and a high class SHIELD agent known by Melinda May. They all seemed alright by my standards. Skye was very talkative but she was entertaining as she did so, Ward was a hostile and a cold figure but had something lingering in his eyes when he looked at Skye, Hunter was playful and funny but when it came to a mission he was just as witty, Melinda was stern but smiled occasionally during some of the conversations even commenting on a few. I found these men and woman fun but also productive. When we first met each other it wasn't awkward, it was a grand experience but as soon as we saw the base every single one of them turned serious.

"Approaching base," Ward said. We had taken our snow gear off and gotten into our tactical gear.

"What's the plan?" Skye asked, pulling the mask over her face.

"We're blowing it. We can't set charges outside, the avalanche would cave us in," Natasha stated as we approached the base. Immediately my Super Soldier senses went to work.

 _Six inch walls, couldn't blow it if we tried. Guards, two in the watch tower and eight at the entrance. Five cameras._

"Ward, Hunter, take out the watchtowers, Skye, disable the cameras, May, Nat, Tripp, Frank, we have the entrance as soon as Skye, Ward, and Hunter take out the possible alerts," I state and they all look at me with surprise written across their face. Including May. "What?"

"Look who is taking charge," Skye compliments with a smile.

"And besides I didn't know for your plans to be that…flawless," Hunter said," I mean, Romanoff told me you were terrible at these things."

I shoot a glare a Nat who looked quite the opposite of innocent. She shrugs at me," Let's not get ahead of ourselves."

I roll my eyes before we take our positions. And like I planned things began to roll into place. Ward and Hunter sniped the watchtowers, Skye hacked and disabled the cameras, and soon as that happened we sprang into action. We jumped out of our hiding spot and attacked. May took out her appointed target, roundhouse kicking the guy. Natasha had gotten her one also, punching him in the face before slipping his feet from underneath him. That left three. I had grabbed one of the HYDRA agents by the head and introduced him to my knee cap. The other two came along together, I had grabbed one by the throat and kept him in a choke hold while the other one, approaching us, I dropped kicked him. Frank and Tripp just stared at me in shock. I shrug in response.

"Want to critique my techniques now?" I ask Natasha as we enter the building.

"Not until we hit the next road block, no," She answers and I can't help but smile," We are going to set the charges at the top and base of the building. If you have extra put them on anything that looks important."

"Ward and Skye you go to the basement, May, Hunter, you go to the top, Frank, Tripp, you two find anything important to steal or blow up, Nat and I will take the ground floor," They all nod and we separate into are given teams. There are a heavy amount of agents scouting the area. I know Natasha sees them, I know she does, so it gives me good reasons to question her when she stands up out of her hiding spot and begins to get all the agents attention. I stand up, curiosity and anger swelling in me.

"Wha-? I don't-. What the fu-?" I stop my stuttering when I hear guns beginning to click. They are aiming at her and before I can do a damn thing she winks. My Super Soldier instincts kicking in. Oh… _oh_. "You owe me."

Quickly and quietly I took out all of the agents. I was surprised by my brutality and stealth. Like seriously, I practically beat the shit out of all of them without one of them even noticing me. Smashing heads into walls, cutting airways, and beating the absolute shit out of people is what got the job done.

 **Five minutes later…**

This was a terrible plan. Every single one of the agents came running down on me. Natasha was taking her sweet ass time as she set the charges while more and more agents kept coming to me. I mean it was productive but when it came to my situation? Well, let's just say Natasha is going to owe me more than one hour.

"This," I ducked," Is," I sidestepped," Fucking," I punch the guy in the face, officially knocking him out," Bullshit."

Five guys begin to approach me, guns up, but out of the corner of my eye I see two more approaching Natasha. I believe she can handle those two but when I see two more trying to flank her, and that sets my mind into overdrive.

 _Weaken knee, snap neck. Punch, shove nasal up forehead. Head-butt, slam face in wall. Trip, kick face. Break arm, break back._

I did as told and executed the tasks as quickly as I could, killing all five of them. And the fact that I just killed them slipped my mind as I jumped over the railing and ran towards the soldiers flanking Natasha. I grab one, quietly, by the neck and hold him down till he passes out. The other was unaware until I grabbed his arm, flipped him, shattered his shoulder, and lastly punched him hard in the face. Like I had assumed earlier, Natasha had taken out the two other soldiers. I look around hastily, preparing myself for another fight until I realize we've cleared this entire floor. Men and women lie on the ground either groaning or already dead. I felt…Different? Good, maybe. I don't know but whatever it is, it feels fucking fantastic.

I look back at Natasha who is placing bombs everywhere.

"Um, do you really think we need that much C4?" I ask, scratching the back of my head.

"Better safe than sorry," She answers," Besides I haven't even gotten half of the floor."

I nod skeptically and scout. My ears catch something. Something is scraping against the ground, followed by heavy footsteps. Natasha can't hear it but it is very clear to me. Heavy breathing, huge footfalls, metal sliding against metal, and the clang of something banging against the wall. I could tell it was a he, about three hundred pounds, big by the heavy amount of breathing. And at the end of the hangar I can see a silhouette of a man. A huge man, like I predicted with something in his hand. And as he got closer my eyes grew wider.

 _That is one big ass motherfucker._

No shit.

"Damn, we're dead," I mutter under my breath.

"What are you-?" Natasha turns her gaze to where I am looking and I swear I hear her heart stop pause for a moment. Her eyes go wide at the sight of this…Behemoth. He is fucking huge. Bigger than Thor and I combined, rippling muscles, long black hair, mask over his face, chest as big as my head. And the worst part about it was the fact that he had a sledgehammer with my name on it. Like literally, he had a sledgehammer with my name inscribed on the side of it.

"Finish planting the C4," I state and before Natasha could respond I took off towards Behemoth. I was trying to analyze every weakness I could spot. He was huge but slow.

 _And that is what you are going to use as an advantage._

I punch him in the stomach, repeatedly. It doesn't affect him. At. All.

"Good God," I whisper before he uses his big hand and backhands me into the nearest wall. Pain shoots through my back like a whiplash and my face begins to turn purple from the slap. He walks towards me, slowly, edgily. I shoot up, adrenaline carrying my movements. I focus on the weakest points of the body, the back of his knee, thigh, pelvic, center breastbone, and throat.

It only seemed to make him get angrier.

 **. . . . .**

"Alpha team to Beta, Sigma, and Theta," Natasha said through her comm. Static flowed through her ear for a minute until someone answered.

" _Beta to Alpha," Both_ _Ward and Skye checked in._

" _Sigma to Alpha," Hunter and May._

" _Theta to Alpha," Tripp and Frank," What's the problem?"_

"We have a big situation. Report to Alpha team's area," Natasha demanded when she saw Steve fly across the hangar," ASAP."

 **. . . . .**

The pain surging through my body was excruciating. He didn't hold back. His soul purpose was to kill me. And he looked kind of happy about it.

Hurriedly, I searched the area for any kind of melee or assault weapons I could use on Goliath. Only thing I could see were guns and pipes. I went with the first option. Quickly, I picked up the gun and began to shoot at him. The bullets bounced of his chest like balls. Then and there, in that moment, I knew I was screwed. He grabbed the gun and bent it, with one hand. The one hand that then grabbed me and began to slam me into the ground. He wasn't so subtle about it neither. His fat hand covered my face and began to shove me into the ground. I heard a crack and knew that it was none other than my skull. Desperation took over and I kicked him in his groin. He jumped and I took that time to scoot away. My vision was blurry and I felt something running down my lips. Blood.

 _Come on, Rogers. We can't stop._

I shook my head and tried to find something to help me up.

 _Assess._

Fractured skull, two broken ribs, busted lip, broken knee cap, and my eye was beginning to swell. I stood up only to fall down. Behemoth looked at me with a deadly glare and that pushed me hard enough for me to get up. He was recovering quickly and began to approach me. Grabbing onto the railing, I tried so desperately to limp away. It was a sad sight. Grabbing a pipe from the ground I whirled around and hit him in the face. He groaned but shot back up quicker than I imagined and shoved me a few feet away. He was coming. I could hear it. I tried to crawl away only for him to tug on my leg and pull me towards him. His grip on my leg was bone shattering. Literally. I whipped around to see if I could get a good hit on him but I regretted that as soon as I did it.

His sledgehammer hit me directly in my face. The pain that shot through my head and face ricocheted throughout my body, shutting it down. My jaw moved out of place and I screamed. It was heart wrenching.

"AHHH!" It was muffled by my broken jaw. But no matter how bloody or broken I was he still kept coming and easily his hand grabbed me by the throat and hauled me in the air. Instinctively my hands came up to my throat to try and stop him but everything was already beginning to fade into darkness.

But no.

I heard gunshots and looked out of the corner of my eye to see Natasha firing at the Behemoth. His deadly gaze shot to her.

 _No._

He threw me to the ground and took off towards Natasha who ran at lightning speeds but I know for a fact that where Natasha was running led to narrow hallways. She wouldn't be able to fight him and she wouldn't be able to hide from him.

And for some reason that jolted my body awake. Adrenaline began to shoot through me and some of my cuts and bruises began to heal. My hand reached up to my jaw and snapped it back into place. My hands pushed me off the floor with as much strength I could muster and slowly I began to stand. A plan began to form and my hand clenched around a pipe before ripping it from its socket. It was a simple plan really, all thoughts forgotten.

Kill him.

 **. . . . .**

 **Elsewhere…**

Natasha was running as fast as she could in the snow boots. It was hard but Green Giant didn't seem like he could catch up. Hope crossed her face until she saw the rows of desk. But that wasn't what got her. It was the dead end on the other end of the hallway. And Behemoth was already on her ass.

What she does for love.

Hurriedly, she began to look for an optional hiding spot. Everything was almost bare for him to see so she ran to a closet in the darkest, farthest corner. She went in, gun in hand, and guard up. She wasn't about to go down without a fight.

"Where are you?" He taunted, his voice was low, dark, and murderous as shit. Natasha breathed in. Yes, she was scared but she would never admit that out loud. She had stayed there for about five minutes. Five minutes of long, silent, strenuous, torture. She could hear his sledgehammer dragging behind him and it was beginning to haunt her. Death was searching for her…

…and somehow it had found her.

His bare fist went through both closet doors, grabbed her by the throat, and yanked her out. She gasped for breath when he held her and moved her limbs uselessly against him. To no avail did she hurt him. He shoved her head into the wall and she gasped for breath while trying to scramble away. She didn't get far when he grabbed her by her hair and yanked her back. She grunted and gasped when he pulled his sledgehammer back, Steve's blood scribbled on the side of it. And as his hammer ascended something happened.

I had arrived.

Not only with a plan to kill but with pure rage. Red had clouded my vision both literally and hypothetically. I had walked up behind him before completely shattering his knee. He roared loudly with pain but I didn't let it get out loud enough before I began to beat him with my bare fist. And when that wasn't enough I wrapped the pipe around his neck, choking him, curling it around his thick throat. Using all my strength I bent, curled, melded it to his throat, not letting him take a single breathe. But as he was lying on the ground, fighting for his life and screaming, it didn't seem to be enough satisfaction for me. I grabbed his hammer, the hammer covered in my blood and sweat, before positioning it near his head.

 _How far are you going to go?_

 _How far are you willing to go?_

 _This is for her._

 _He tried to kill her._

The voices returned and they drove me to the only decision, the only option, the only choice that I saw fit. His eyes widened when he saw me bring the hammer up and with no hesitance I let it fall. His blood, my blood, it was all mixed together. But it didn't matter anymore. I turned around to Natasha who was staring at me, something unfamiliar in her eyes. I see the blood flowing down the side of her face and I reach for her sluggishly but my body refuses to go anymore. It is beaten, tired, and broken.

And I let myself fall.

 **. . . . .**

 **Later…**

Everything is coming back or slowly wakening. Blood begins to flow through my veins, my heartbeat pumps healthier than it did before, my limbs are sore but they can move, my eyes begin to awaken the light flooding through them, and my mind begins to conjure up memories and thoughts even though it does hurt.

"Welcome to the land of the conscious," Someone said and my face jerked up, taking in everything. My brows furrowed. This wasn't SHIELD. Quite the opposite. It was an open area, spacious, lots of computers, rustic furnishing, and people walking around with a Hydra logo on the right side of their arms. Everyone from my team were bound to a chair, staring at me with pained eyes. And Natasha sat in the middle of all of them, blood dripping from her forehead and pooling at her collarbone. Instinctively I tried to reach for her only to be held bound by chains. They were wrapped around my wrists and my ankles.

We were still in the Hydra base.

"Can I get you some water or something to drink?" I look back up at the voice. It's a man obviously but I can't see his face, but I feel like I recognize his voice. Even though I don't know anyone with a German accent.

"Who are you?" I ask, my eyes adjusting to the brightness of the room.

"We can get to that later," He stated, his dark silhouette slightly shifting," But for right now…I just want to congratulate you on passing the test."

I groaned and popped my neck," What test?"

"Big guy out there? Six nine? Had a sledgehammer with your name on it? Ring a bell," He said with a smile that I could just sense. "I needed to know if it was the real you or not. SHIELD could've known of my plan and sent one of those dumb steroid induced idiots. Like this one…"

He motioned towards Ward," Don't underestimate me."

"Don't tell me. Tell it to the two soldiers behind you," He said and with a flick of his wrist had two large men standing behind Ward. He shut up quickly.

"Leave him alone. Alright? What do you want?" I ask.

He turns to me and there's a bright gleam to his eyes," Well, to welcome you home, of course."

"…What?" My brows furrowed on their own.

"I would understand if you do not know what I am talking about. It has been a long time I must admit. You have grown up into a young man and when you and I had met you were still a young lad. I have been waiting for this moment for years…And now the _verlorene sohn_ has returned," The man said and my confusion only grew. His accent, his voice, something about him was familiar but I just couldn't figure it out. All the other Hydra members looked at me with familiarity and I looked at them with a cold stare.

"How do you know me?" I ask, my gaze returning back to the one who seemed to be in charge.

"…April 10 of 1996."

" _No_ ," I mutter, shock and a cold chill shooting through me," _Zeig mir dein Gesicht."_

He looked at the floor for a moment and stepped out of the shadows.

I jerk up enough to be face to face with him and shoot towards him but the chains hold me back. He is so close to me. I can feel his hot breath on my face but I am focused on his beady eyes. He is smirking and I am snarling with anger. My fist grip the chains. I want to kill him. The urge to kill him is strong. My veins and heart pulse with the need to do so but instead my anger bottles up. Like caging a bird, it wants to be free but instead it is subdued in your grasp. That emptiness that I felt was filled with the toxic combination of sadness and anger. It was boiling too. Seething. I had never felt so out of control in my life before. That void of delicious anger was the only thing I was holding onto – my lifeline. I was holding back. Holding back what I so desperately wanted to do. And that is dangerous. Those sadistic desires were piercing through my mind like a needle, sharp and always filled with something.

"Now _that_ is the fire I'm looking for," He smiled maliciously. I seethed, not dare saying a word. Words couldn't express my rage.

"Um," Skye cleared her throat," Someone care to explain?"

I didn't answer.

"He didn't tell you?" All six SHIELD Agents shook their heads. "I'm the one who killed his parents…Don't you agree, my _verlorene sohn_?"

I jerked the chains forward, my wounds forgotten, and grabbed him by his throat," _Don't_. Call me that."

"Why? It's true. I mean you were there," He smiled.

" _No! Mom!" I had cried. She fell to the floor, blood falling down the side of her face. The red faced man knocked the door out the way with his big heavy boot. She got up to run only to be knocked back down._

"You're remembering…Aren't you?"

 _My dad ran down the stairs, questioning what was going on. He didn't see the stranger coming. No, he moved like a shadow, speed and darkness on his side. He grabbed my father by the back of the head and shoved him into a wall. My dad fell uselessly to the ground, curling in on himself from the pain._

" _Steve! Baby, you gotta go for mommy! I love you," She cried to me, reaching for me, as the stranger grabbed her by the hair and hauled her up._

"I smacked them around a little bit," He murmured," But you didn't seem to mind."

 _He shoved her around, beating her while doing it. Her blood began to splatter all over the place, painting the walls in a dark red. My mother's screams and cries haunted me. Even when my father tried to defend them he was beaten to a pulp. I stood their mortified, my pajamas soaking with their blood. Cries echoed, blood hitting the wall, the breaking of miscellaneous thrashing around should've alerted someone. Anyone. But no one came. No one came._

"And when I grabbed my knife…I held it up to my lips, telling you…shh…"

"… _Enjoy the show," He whispered before he began to cut them with the knife, slowly, and their screams began to echo in my ear like a nightmare. But I was awake._

"Your pajamas were so bloody…you were so cute," He laughed and nudged my chin with his knuckle. I bit back with a snap. "I don't understand why you're so mad, my boy. I gave you more than they ever could."

"You murdered them! You beat them before torturing them! While I watched! You motherfuck-!"

"No, I unlocked you! I freed you from your prison! The confines of a boring modern family! You were meant for more! More than what you call the domestic life…the American Dream! You are more! You deserve more! And I gave you that chance and you still haven't chosen the option that I made for you! Practically gave you!" He spat in my face with what he thought was truth and charitable. Bullshit.

"Shut up…," I whispered under my breath.

"You know for a damned fact that there is a killer in you, a great one! Which you refuse to embrace! You weren't given this gift as a decoration, boy! I gave it to you for a reason! You have power ordinary men would kill for! I know part of you wants to embrace!" He preached. "And I know...that you want to try it out on them."

"SHUT UP!" I rip the chains from the wall. "SHUT UP!"

I shoot towards him, grabbing him by his neck and slamming him against the wall, tears clouding my vision and rage beginning to pulse through my veins along with the intoxicating feeling of adrenaline.

" _There_ is that killer I am looking for," He said with a smile that should've broken his face. He grabbed me by the back of my head and forced my forehead against his, our sweat, tears, breaths, mixing together to make the ultimate power inducing psychedelic. "You, my boy, are one for greatness. That voice in your head –you know what I'm talking about- it was to guide you, safely, to me. And since you've grown stronger and more powerful you don't need it anymore."

And for some reason I don't back away from him. I feel _too_ connected with this man. Even though the grief of my parents floods through me the familiarity overwhelms me. I feel bonded, intertwined, linked to him and that stops me from killing him. I can't kill him.

I shove away from him, disgusted, and turn around back to my little corner where I fall to a sitting position in defeat.

"After your parents died you were put up for adoption. Bucky's family didn't have enough money to…buy you. And times were troubling at the time and I ended up buying a whole orphanage. Including you. Half of the people here are from that orphanage. Three years I kept you in my grasps, trained you, taught you to speak German, taught you the Hydra ways, and experimented on you. And that's when you became the _verlorene sohn_ or as the Americans call it…the prodigal son. But too soon SHIELD had found us and we had to shut down. I sent you back to live with your friend – James Buchannan. And ever since, I – _we_ \- have been keeping an eye. Hydra…your family," He said with true, raw emotions. And by his pheromones I could tell he wasn't lying. "You don't remember because I trained your mind to only set back when you made contact with someone who worked here or supported the Hydra cause. Like Zola."

I didn't try to deny it but I also didn't respond.

"Yes, I am your stepfather," He muttered and took a seat on one of the many desks that scattered the large room. "And just to keep everything in blood I injected my blood into you."

That is where I stood.

"You did what?!" I snapped.

"Hey, it would ensure everything stays in blood. I wanted you to so desperately to be mine. Except you were American and I was German," He sighed and shook his head," But, fortunately, my blood runs through your system mixed with your own…along with the miraculous serum that Dr. Erksine graced us with. Unfortunately we couldn't make any copies of you or the serum. You are a rare one, that's for damn sure."

"You could've killed me!"

"Don't dwell on the past. It isn't good for you. Only thing that matters is that you're here now."

I growl involuntarily and go back to the corner before glancing at Natasha, my hair beginning to fall in front of my face. I look mad. I should be killing this man and the other Hydra agents in the room. I should be helping SHIELD, aiding them in the destruction of all that is Hydra but yet I stand here contemplating what my life has truly been.

But the look in Natasha's eyes steadies me, holds me here in the moment. Saving me from losing myself.

"This whole time I was wondering what would make you kill me or at least get close too. The controversial yelling was close but now I see what makes you snap," With a flick of the wrist he has one of the agents walk towards Natasha with a knife. "Maybe we should give you matching scars, like the one on your hipbone. The one I gave you."

I wasn't paying his ass any more attention but the agent nearing Natasha. "I dare you to try."

He doesn't heed my words before forcing her to stand. I am next to him in a flash before I break his back.

"I could tell you held back on that one, my boy. Paralyzing him only shows how much patience you have. No, you need to show them how much mercy you have…which is none," He walks over and steps on the agents throat, squeezing until the last breath is consumed by death. And for some fucked up reason I didn't do a damn thing. "Many things make a man, Steven. Money, love, power, compassion, drugs, guns, and other stuff but you were made from, what man could only hope to endure, pain…"

 _His fists kept coming back to my face and every time he pulled back I saw more of my blood covering it._

"Loss…"

" _Momma loves you, baby, but you have to go. We will always love you."_

"Grief…"

" _Hey, Virginia! Move your scrawny ass and let the men handle it!"_

"And most importantly…"

I look at him through the threads of fallen strands of my hair, waiting for him to finish.

"Anger," He finished and I actually believed him. The memories flashed through me like lightning and with it the anguish. He was right. Right about it all. Maybe I was just in denial. Or I didn't want to deal with the pain. Or I just wanted to forget it all, forget about the shit I call my life. But unfortunately there is always someone around the corner reminding me of my fucked up past. For some reason I felt more connected to this man more than anyone. Not even with Bucky. This was the closest thing I had to a father figure in years and even though his ideas and desires were more sadistic then my own we both had an understanding of each other. He knew me more than I could possibly imagine and I knew what he saw. I knew how he saw the world and I saw it the same way.

But I accepted the flaws of mankind. He wanted to perfect them.

"He's lying," Someone says and everyone's attention turns to the voice. It's Natasha.

"Please, Mrs. Romanov entertain us with what you believe to be truth," Johann sighed and told his Hydra agents to stand down for the time.

"If your friends aren't any indication you weren't based off all the suffering he makes you out to be. Even though half of your life has been a lie doesn't mean it defines you. You have multitudes of people who would run through hell for you. And you would do the same. If you were based off of anything it would be your incapability of not being in love. If Johann over here was right about one thing its that you deserve more. _You are more._ And I know that sounds cheesy as shit but I don't have any other to get the point across ," She said and that actually gave me hope.

For about two seconds.

"Ah, I knew SHIELD was known for its lying but I didn't know it would be this good," Johann said with a bright smile and confusion dawned on me.

"Wha-What are you talking about?" I ask and look up at him. Out of the corner of my gaze I see all six SHIELD agents and their faces darken.

"SHIELD has been lying to you this whole time. You don't believe me? Here, pull up recordings two and three," His agents did as told and a big screen adjacent to me lit up.

" _Sir, we got a shitload of explosives in the hull, twenty minutes till detonation," Natasha said._

" _Is the file still downloading?" Nick Fury asked._

" _Nick-," Natasha said._

" _Keep downloading until we get all the info," Fury stated._

"Your boss was willing to kill you to get a flash drive," Johann scoffed," Unbelievable."

I recognize the voices but my mind refuses to believe it.

" _Rogers is a liability. He's unstable. Even though he has proven his reverence I believe he is holding back. We are going to contain him. Try to extract the Super Soldier serum from him if we can. He, out of all people, have more motive than anyone to try and kill," The World Council said to the conference room of Fury, Coulson, Natasha, Ward, Tripp, Hunter, Skye, Clint, May, Frank, and Peggy," And I question whether to keep him alive…He is the step son of leader of Hydra."_

" _What happened? I thought the World Council went along with the whole not killing him thing," Frank stated._

" _Rogers has been portraying really sketchy behavior lately and the higher knowledge he grows of his abilities the more dangerous he has become. And I have to admit…I am starting to grow skeptical myself," Fury answers," That stunt he pulled with Stark, Clint, and the MKT's…He nearly killed them. I can't let that happen again."_

The video stopped and I stood stock still.

"They were going to put you in captivity! Experiment on you! Preposterous!" He mocked and then and there I was questioning everything that has happened in my life.

 _I was getting my ass kicked by the douche that was throwing paper balls at my head. A red head saved me. Well my vision was quite blurry that day and I confused a red-brownish hair tone with red. Peggy was there kicking the douche's ass. It wasn't Natasha._

"And this next one? It's the worse lie of them all," Johann said before grabbing a file and tossing it to me. It was on that girl I killed yesterday, Jennifer Laurence. I was confused on what I was supposed to be looking at until I saw it. My teeth gritted at the sight before sliding the file towards Natasha who looked at it with confusion until she saw the name. That girl was…Innocent, hadn't done a bad deed all her life except be the daughter of an infamous crime lord. I clutched my fist as anger shot through me. No words could express my emotions. They were running wild like a pack of wolves at dusk. They were going to kill me. The idea sounded foreign to my mind but before they could defend their claim the building began to shake. Dammit, I forgot about the charges. Hydra on the other hand looked like they knew that we set the charges. And they already had helicopters and trucks ready for their departure.

"EVAC is ready, sir," One of the Hydra soldiers said to Johann.

"You survive this? I will answer any questions you have," He said to me as he began to leave. I watched as he got into his helicopter with the rest of his agents. He saluted to me and I gave a little involuntary wave. That left me with them.

"Steve," They tried to say, plead, cry, but I didn't respond. My gaze began to grow cold against their regretful ones. They tried to kill me. They were going to kill me. And if I survived they were going to put me in captivity and experiment on me _. Like I told them not too_. And it infuriates me that this whole time I put my trust in them, my life, my heart, my dedication to protect, and for some others love. But I was betrayed. And naïve to trust them. It hurts me, pains me to even think this. To think this about them. My so called friends. And in this moment with my running emotions and thoughts one thought shines brighter than the other. I could easily kill them. They were bound and at the rate at which the charges were going off I could leave them here to die.

But death?

Death seems to kind.

I surprise them by ripping their ties apart and setting them free from their confines. They look at me, baffled and sadly at the same time.

Natasha is the first one to step towards me," Hey-"

"Don't," I warn. And this is a true warning that is filled with an implicit threat. My emotions are too raw to even touch right now. I have learned too much in one afternoon. Too much. Half of my life has been spent with a mad man, the friends I thought I had grown fond to betrayed me, a lie has been placed to make itself truth, and the women I thought to love has been nothing but a puppeteer to my puppet, a master to my bitch. When I looked at them an hour ago I saw loyal friends. Now? I see traitors with more lies that are beginning to see the light of day.

"We need to get out of here," Tripp says and everyone nods. Except for me. I look out as the sun peaks out from the horizon of the Rocky Mountains. It's more than beautiful and its keeping me grounded. Keeping me from going insane. And for now?

I want to stay and try to find all the answers to world.

They begin to make their way out until they realize I'm not following them.

"Steve, what are you doing? We have to go." My name, being heard on their lips, sounds so ugly and foreign. And it pains me to listen to it, to hear my name from their traitorous lips. Also it's their familiarity of saying my name that bothers me. The fact that they feel no regret when they say my name has stricken me with anger and I wince at the irony. I might be wrong about but I doubt it.

"I will find my own way out," I mutter but I don't take my eyes off the horizon.

"Stev-"

" _Leave!_ " I demand and my voice is roaring with more might than a lion could only dream of. They all flinch and part of me feels terrible. But it gets them to leave and I turn back to my horizon. Natasha lingers a little longer than necessary before leaving.

And somehow I finally get a moment of peace while everything goes to hell around me.

 **. . . . .**

 **Later…**

I had made my way back to SHIELD University when the sun decided to take a break from this side of the world and I wished for a fleeting moment that I was the sun, just to get away from life. Get away from all the stress and heartbreak and pain and grief. It took not only a toll on my emotions but my body also. It hurts, more than any physical pain, than any beating. And its sharp, sharper than any blade. Is it cowardice to want to get away from the world, to exist between the area of space and time? Even if for a moment? If it is, call me a coward.

At least I own up to it.

They were all waiting for me when I arrived. All of them, seated around an oval shaped table with different looks coloring their faces. But I was focused on the man at the head of the head.

Nick fucking Fury.

The bastard. And I just wanted to jump on the table and walk towards him and kick him straight in the face but no. I held back my Super Soldier impulses and kept my gaze on his one good eye. In the corner of the room, held up against the wall were my friends. My family. Thor, Jane, Darcy, Sam, T'Challa, and Bucky all stood staring at the transaction.

"Damn, you got fucked up."

One flick of the bird gets them to shut up. I look at Nick, who sits at the head of the table, proudly. "I _really_ want to kill you."

Clint rises and raises his bow and arrow at me. It's quick but not quicker than the gun I raise to aim at his head.

"Sit. _Down_ ," I spit at him through gritted teeth, fire blazing in my eyes. Unlike everyone else I won't hesitate to shoot him. Speaking of which, I wonder where Stark is. I would love to aim this gun at his head. He sits down slowly, placing his bow back in his lap but he doesn't withdraw his eyes from me. "So, were where we?"

I'm beginning to sound like him. And it scares me.

"You want to kill me," He says proudly that it does something to me, wakes something in me. I am behind him in a heartbeat, gun pointed to his head, the barrel grazing the smooth scalp. People rise from their seats, hands cocked on their guns but I don't fear for death. I don't. I welcome it.

"I do," I nod, my head hangs and I try to keep everything in check.

"So…what's stopping you?" He asks and I applaud his bravery. Everyone in the room awaits my answer, the silence stretching the already flexing tension. They stare at me, fear, worry, concern, and questions crossing their faces. I am teetering on the border of sanity and for a moment I can't recognize myself, holding up a gun to a man's head. I know they can't recognize me either, they are trying to, so desperately it saddens me but I don't know what to do. It rips at me from the inside, tearing slowly. Everything wanted to break, to snap through, to burst through and break free like a wildfire. But I held it in. I wouldn't let them see me falling.

"You made me kill an innocent girl, you lied to me, you almost got me killed, you were trying to get me killed, and if that didn't work…you were going to contain me like some freak of nature," I say to him, the cold lacing my voice sparking something. "Yeah, see when my humble step-father showed me the footage of you damning me like some dog. I couldn't believe it. I _didn't_ believe it. But coming here, to try and confront you about it, I see that you can't deny it. You don't deny it."

"I won't deny what is the truth," He said simply with a shrug of his shoulders.

"That's a first," I grunted and I pull back the slide of the gun,"…Help me understand, Nick."

"All that shit you pulled with Barton, Stark, and the MKT's. The World Council was beginning to go against my word and I have to admit…We couldn't trust you anymore."

"No, no, no. You were scared of the unknown. See, you call yourself SHIELD. You try to protect the mundane world from supernatural beings or anything phenomenal but how can you _protect_ when you fear what you are protecting the world from? How do you even know if it is a threat or not? Huh? What actually makes you different from Hydra? Other than the logo, of course," I ask and they all freeze because they know it's true. Every single word I preach comes across their minds only for it to be real. "I kill someone and you think it is so fucking wrong but when I kill under _your_ order it is so pure and innocent. You kill, you cheat, you steal, you lie, you seduce, you pretend…What makes you better than them?"

He doesn't respond.

"What good have you done for the world other than distract a terrorist group?"

I could practically sense his jaw clenching. "There's a difference between workers and power whores…One of them actually gets shit done. You dispatch agents like your some sort of king but you never get out there on the field yourself. So you sit here, risking people's lives for your own sake and what you believe is good. Control, you _crave_ it, an obsession that only you know. There must've been something in your life that happened to you that makes you so possessive over it. The feeling of losing control scares you, being lost, not knowing who you are scares you…But I? ...I know how you feel…"

And confusion wrote itself across his face but also understanding. The air around us changes to something to more tragically beautiful. The memories crossing our faces like a misfortune but it's easier to deal with…Now that you have someone else who knows your pain.

I breathe in," So, yeah…What's stopping me from killing you…? Empathy."

The gun falls from his head.

But before anyone can breathe a single breath my phone began to ring. I fished it out of my pocket before answering," Hello."

It was static at first but I could hear a voice," _Ste-Steve? Can…Can you he-hear me?"_

"Peggy?" I am confused. "What is it? Where are you?"

" _N-No time…fo-for that_ ," With my enhanced hearing I can hear the clicking of guns, flames crackling, metal bending and something falling," _I nee-d…I need to tell you something_."

The gun falls from my hand and I start to walk out of the room, everyone beginning to rise from their seats in my wake.

" _I don-don't have…have enough time t-to tell you ev-ever-ything_."

I walk faster.

" _I…I can't…,"_ She sighs _," I ha-have to drive it into th-the…the ocean."_

I begin to run.

" _May-be it was-was supposed…to end this way,_ " She groans and I can hear the pain in her voice. Wordlessly, I put the phone on speaker and track it, _"Maybe…"_

I run, faster than I usually do. Every fiber of my being is pushed to my legs and I wish to go faster, straining. I know where she is. I know the location. It's a Cliffside, the only highway to get into the city. SHIELD University wasn't known to put that many roads in, especially with the mountains surrounding us. It might've been isolating but damn it was a gorgeous view.

"Your location isn't far from mine," I breathe in," I can make it."

" _Steve, we both know…kno-know you can't,"_ She says, fear isn't near her voice," _There's…no time."_

"Don't say that," I demand," I can run faster. I just have to-"

" _No…,"_ She says and I can hear the hum of a truck," _I have to put 'er in the ocean. Ther-There's a nuclear…There's a…bomb."_

"I can call Banner. He knows a lot about this stuff," I plead and try to push my legs faster.

" _No…time,"_ She responded," _The gear shift is broken and I can't – I can't…No time."_

"There is time! Come on, love," I cry, tears and sweat mixing themselves together. I try to focus on my speed but the anguish seems to slow me down," Don't do this to me, please. Don't leave me."

Silence. She doesn't respond but I can hear her breathing. She's crying and that encourages me enough to go impossibly faster. I can see the Cliffside where she is but we both know I can't make it. It's faint but I can see fire, a truck driving towards the cliff, bodies…everywhere, and just a massive area of destruction and debris. It was clear someone had attacked them but unfortunately they were clearly outmatched. My muscles begin to pound with frustration and grow weary with strain but I don't stop. I can't stop. I need to go faster, push myself farther, harder.

" _I'm going to need a raincheck on that date,"_ She says and I snort amusingly, trying so desperately to laugh through the tears.

"Ok, what time do you think you'll be free?" I cry but I try to put as much happiness into my voice as I can.

" _Um, a week, next Saturday at the Stork Club,"_ She answers and I can hear that smile. God, how I wish I could see that smile.

"You got it," I promise, my smile catching some of my tears.

" _Eight o clock on the dot. Don't you dare be late,"_ She demands and I nod as if she can see me. It's mainly a promise to myself. A promise. Hope that she and I would be there, dancing the night away.

"You know? I still don't know how to dance," I comment and I push myself farther, believing for a fraction that I can make it. That I can save her.

" _I'll show you how,"_ She smiled through the pain," _Just…Be there."_

"We'll have the band play something slow, alright? I'd hate to step on your feet," Finally I had arrived but it doesn't deter my speed. I dodge and weave through the destroyed SHIELD armored vehicles. I can see the truck. It's tipping over the edge and I run towards it but before I can do anything it falls over the edge. "NO!"

" _Steve, I lov-_ ," Static.

I reach over the edge of the cliff, wishing that I can grow wings and fly. But it was just a wish. I watch as the truck explodes, the bomb has gone off and Peggy has saved countless lives. The aftershock pushes me back and I fall to my knees. Was it worth it? Is the question that rings through my head. Of course it was. She…She saved lives but while killing herself in the process. She's gone. And it takes me a minute to realize that she is never coming back. I won't see her again. She's _dead_. But I am alive and it doesn't feel any better. My heart shatters and whatever is left travels throughout my body, corrupting even the most purest of organs. I pound the ground, my fist shattering the concrete. I wasn't fast enough. I wasn't strong enough. My weary muscles and tired muscles pound with dissatisfaction and discontent. I could've done more. I should've done more but I was too weak. Too incompetent. And it weakens to even think of me so useless. The pocket watch she gave me falls out of my pocket and opens up to her picture. It crushes me. Pains me to even look at it and I want nothing more to dive off that cliff and join her. I want nothing more to avenge her. but I can't right now. I…can't. My muscles are raw. And I, I feel dead. They beat me when I was down and they keep hitting me. She was the only woman I knew to save me. She was possibly the only one who could. I pick up the watch and stare longingly at her picture. It hasn't even been ten minutes and I already miss her. I miss her voice, her smile, her touch, her kiss, her kindness, and everything that was just her. But now she's gone and never coming back. And for the first time, I break. My heart, my spirit, my hope just breaks. I want her back. And as my tear falls on the picture of her I remember everything we did. Every moment we spent, every breath we took together, and every touch we shared. I realize we will never have that moment again. I breathe in.

And one of the most horrific of screams tears itself from my throat until my lungs burn.

 **. . . . .**

 **Later…**

Everyone awaits my arrival as I drag them back to SHIELD University. I drag them all. All the dead bodies I could dig up or find. My mind is a blank space. I drag the bodies on a piece of a roof of one of the SHIELD armored trucks. I stared dead ahead, not bothering to pay my pained limbs and muscles any attention. People, agents, students, soldiers, stare at me while I drag them to the back of the school, grabbing a shovel on my way. I can't bury her body but I can bury theirs.

People offer me water, food, and opportunity to rest but I just keep walking. They follow me outside but I don't care to say anything. I don't care at all anymore.

Once I get near the tree line I set the roof down and begin to dig. Fifteen graves. I don't stop. I don't take a break. I don't wipe the sweat from my face. I don't even shed the shirt covered in blood, sweat and tears.

…

It takes me a while. It's night time. People have lit candles and lanterns for me. It doesn't help. I see better in the dark.

…

I try my best not to fall in one of the graves myself. Especially hers.

…

My muscles are growing weary after running about ten miles and shoveling for ten hours. I don't stop. I don't even bother to stop when my hands get blisters and my shoes fall apart. Don't stop.

…

The voices in my head that I yearn for so much to guide me are gone replaced with a void of silence.

…

I grab their dog tags from their bodies and place it on sticks I gather from the woods. It doesn't help when one of the agents in training tries to attack me when they see their brother in the lineup. He tries to wrestle me to the ground but instead I hug him, tightly. And I let him cry in my arms.

…

I can feel their gazes hot on me, sticking out of all the others. Not just Bucky and Jane and the others but the ones I called my friends. The agents of SHIELD.

…

It grows cold but I couldn't tell.

…

It's morning when I finish. Cold. Silent. Dead. Eerie. I stand before the graves, satisfied, blood covering me, shirt nearly ripped off of me, my shoes gone, my pants ripped, and my heart broken. The shovel between my hands covered in my blood and the blood of others. This is right. She would've been proud.

I nod and turn around for the first time in hours, finally looking upon the people. They all stand there, face filled with sorrows and pain. Some of they don't deserve to feel regret, the pain. I walk towards them, shovel thrown over my shoulder after a day of hard work.

First person I walk up to is Clint. He stands there, arms crossed, with a tear flowing from his left eye. He actually looks sad. And I give that a moment to resonate through me before I grab the shovel, toss it in the air before hitting him clear in the face with it before tossing it on the ground, and its not the only thing that that drops.

Next person is Stark who holds almost the same stance and position as Clint but with his hands shoved in his pants pocket. I look him over. He's sad, I feeling when I sniff the air, his pheromones.

But that doesn't stop me from punching him square in the jaw with all I had. He drops to the ground, blood smearing over his face. I walk away before he can say anything.

Next is Natasha but I don't say anything to her, I just shove past her. And for her that is the worse than any blow. I can hear the tick in her jaw and the intake of breath but I don't let it affect me. I walk away and towards the man himself.

Quickly, I grab the handcuffs from his back pocket and place them on my wrists.

"Happy now?" I mutter to him as the agents grab me by my elbows and take me to the containment chamber. Once we reach it they take off the cuffs and lock the chamber. I watch them walk away before turning around and sitting cross legged.

And slowly I grow lost in my own thoughts.


	9. What We Lost

" _Hey?"_

 _I am standing in a club, it's one of those old fashioned ones, auburn lights, serene but old timey music. It's nice. People are dancing like there is no tomorrow, the twirl of skirts and dresses and the stomps of men's dress shoes. I grow nervous. This is a club. Where you dance. My feet don't translate._

 _I look down at my attire. I am wearing a blue suit, white dress shirt, and black shoes. I am confused until someone grabs me by my jaw and lays their lips on my own. I can taste the sweet taste of cherry vodka. Its sweet and my lips linger longer than necessary resulting in the chase of her lips when she pulls away. She smiles at me._

" _Are okay? You look a little lost," She says to me and concern crosses her face when she meets my gaze. My legs can't help weaken at the sight. I want to say something but my voice is nothing but a null void. Nothing comes out, I am too shocked. I can't believe she is here with me, in my arms. My mouth doesn't want to function though. So I settle for a smile and a small nod. She smiles in response before kissing my cheek and looking out onto the dance floor. "You ready?"_

 _I shake my head but something comes hurling out of my throat, a great difference from previous state," I…I-I don't know how."_

 _Didn't say it was an improvement._

 _She does a little twirl in my arms before connected our bodies back together. She smiles sweetly before whispering in my ear," So let me teach you."_

 _She grabs me by my hand and drags me to the dance floor, she has the band play something slow. She guides my arms to specific parts on her body before placing her own hands on my shoulders. First, we begin with a sway and I stop being shocked by the moment and actually try to enjoy it. Leaning my head against her own, I revel in the feel of her skin on my own. How I missed this. With her. The feel of her skin, the beat of her heart echoing through my ears, her hands touching me, the rush of her blood through her veins. She was real. And in my arms once more. It's more than I could ever ask for. Especially when she makes full of her promise and begins to teach me a couple of moves. It's serene and beautiful. I can't decide what I love more. The way she laughs when I spin myself or the way her smile brightens when I apologize for stepping on her feet. The glow in her eyes makes me actually believe that she is alive._

 _Until she begins to fade. She fades from my arms, tears flowing from her eyes. The scene has changed and it's dark and I am on that cliff again, watching as her faded form enters the truck. I try, so desperately, to stop it, but I am not fast enough. Something so close but so far away. I can't stop it when she starts the truck. I can't stop it when she puts the truck in full throttle. I yell her name. Scream it. Cry it until my throat burns._

 _But finally when the truck is a hairs length away._

 _It falls._

And he wakes.

He jolts up from the floor, breath forcing itself from his lungs, and perspiration running along his forehead and upper body. Just a dream. No, more like a nightmare. He tries to regain his stolen breath and tries to relax before lying back down. It's taking a toll on him, a terrible one. One part of torture, give the mind what it wants before ripping it away from them in the most gruesome way. It tears at him, kind of, reminding him of how incapable he was. It resides in him like a ghost. And the main thing about ghosts is that they haunt you. And it causes him pain.

And that's the thing about pain, it _demands_ to be felt.

So he doesn't go to asleep. He can't.

And he doesn't know if she knows that he knows she's there, standing on the other side of the containment field, staring at him. She has been for the last couple of nights. And even though he hates to admit it, he focuses on the beat of her heart throughout the rest of the night, filling him with a satisfying amount of content.

She helps him sleep every now and then, unknowingly.

 **…**

Minutes of isolation turn into hours, hours turn into days, and days turn into weeks. He grows lost. As he stares at the white walls, the white floor, the white furniture, the white ceiling he begins to lose himself in it all. He begins to question things. Questions everything, the special and even small moments that turned his mundane life into such a significant but lost story. Life, and its unexpected moments, deluding the most intelligent of beings and wisest of people. So many possibilities but also restricted by the imagination. Moments are what bring us here. It's the special ones, that one's that change your mindset and your outlook on life. It forms people, shapes them, molds them into what they are supposed to become. If they actually get to their final form eludes me. But once you have your shape, or if you at least have the mold for your future form you are a given a path. A path just for you, accommodating for your being, giving you a sole purpose. Finding this path depends on whether or not you put any effort to look for it, because it doesn't come easy. But what does? It is oblivious to even the most sharpest of eyes but also obvious to the most blind. It's torture. Torture being lost in a fog of your own mistakes.

"Steve?"

That's why God made people to help you find your way.

He doesn't look up, doesn't want to either. Talking felt useless, thinking felt incompetent, dreaming turned into nightmares, strong limbs turned sore, breathing was just another minute of suffering, his hope died with Peggy, and pain? It used to hurt more.

"Hey, Steve? How you doin'?" Jane kneels in front of him, Darcy, T'Challa, Bucky, Thor, and Sam beside her. All he can see though are their colorful shoes against the white floors. _Color_. "We brought you something. Fury approved when he saw it…"

"We would've brought it whether he approved or not," Darcy comments, the light in the darkest moments. Steve's lip turns up slightly but that's it. It may be humor but it is not enough to bring him back.

"We would've made it possible, my friends," Thor says, the hope when there is none. He walks out of the room for a minute and from Steve's peripheral vision he can see blonde hair swishing back and forth. Thor makes his way back in, something large in his hands. "An easel for your foundation."

He sets it down next to him, a simple easel, but for some reason Steve found more meaning behind it.

"A canvas for your creations," Darcy says as she heaves the big white canvas onto the easel. She rocks back and forth, the canvas clearly being a little too big for her small hands. Jane helps her balance it.

"Brushes for your structure," Sam states, pulling a pack of twenty different types of brushes from his back pocket before setting it on the side pocket of the easel.

"And paint for the limitless," Jane and T'Challa heave large paint cans into the room, red, blue, black, brown, green, yellow, and every single color of the rainbow. The white walls and décor seems to bring out or emphasize the color of the art supplies. It actually makes him feel like it's less of a prison. It isn't. Well, it isn't supposed to be. It's containment until they can get him under control or decide on what to do with him and they're loads of possibilities. Brainwash him, erase his memories, lock him in a hole in Southern Egypt, or let him go. But none of it, absolutely none of those possible outcomes will erase his actions, what he did, what he went through, no, it will only make his life slightly easier but there will always be that little feeling of emptiness. Yeah, empty, that wasn't something he was used to. It would take something phenomenal to fill him back up.

"I wish we could stay but there is this time limit and," Jane leans in closer before whispering," Fury is being a bitch."

"Fury is being a bitch!" Darcy shouts at no one in particular, beginning to make her way out of the containment room but not until she turns back to him, a certain unfamiliar softness returning to her eyes. "Uh, get…get better."

She and Jane make their way out followed by Thor who smiles at him. He knows he wants to hug him but the guards roaming in the hallways wouldn't allow. So he settles for a big smile which he puts all of his emotions in. T'Challa does the quite the opposite. He walks up to Steve, pats him on the shoulder, with a bright smile and as he walks out he flicks off the guards watching him walk away. Bucky lingers for a bit, shifting on the balls of his feet, gaze locked on the floor, thoughts working in his head like gears in a clock. Then he reaches behind him, and pulls out a book before setting it at his feet. It was burned, slightly charred on the edges, but it's also old and faded with age. It's the book Steve's mother had given him before she had died.

"'Till the end of the line," He mutters before walking out. At that Steve's head rises, clear indignation of the unshed tears behind his eyes. He breathes out a strangled breath as his calloused but worn fingers ghost over the book.

"Till the end of the line." The hoarse reply reached Bucky's ear and a smile stretched across his lips.

 **… (1st POV)**

There is supposed to be a trial, in front of the World Council on what they wish to do to me. I don't want anything to do with it. Standing in front of a bunch people, judging you is a little unsettling. But I don't care. I have been judged my whole life, you kind of get used to it. Get used to the beatings and colorful words used to describe you in the ugliest way. It hurts but as time grows longer the pain begins to fade. It fades and the only thing left is a dull ache that nags at you and you would rather have the full brute force of the pain than the unsettling dullness that whatever you have is there but it's also not. And that it what drags you to the brink of insanity. But, maybe, just maybe, insanity is the only way to survive. It scares me kind of, is this what my step-father went through when he was my age? Did he do something to me to make me think this way? Or am I just this evil? Can't be, I am the heir to HYDRA, and HYDRA taught people to believe themselves something they aren't. And I wonder, looking at my reflection in the pristine, white, clean floors, dipping my fingers into the big bucket of red paint before swiping it across my face, coloring it like his. The paint is cold and it reminds me that I am alive after so many weeks of feeling like a useless corpse.

Once it is done I look to my reflection.

To my utter surprise I don't look like him. I look quite the opposite. I can't describe it but it feels alive and free, like wolves through the Appalachians. Free and wild. With no need to hurry or take my time I get the pale of water sitting beside the paint can and scrub my face, washing off the red of my step-father and coming to the conclusion that I am not him.

But I have yet to reach the farthest possibilities of myself.

"Hey! Where you going, buddy?" Someone laughs.

I look up slightly, eye catching something in my peripheral vision. Some kid, about sixteen or fifteen, glasses, brown hair was stumbling through the hall, nose bleeding like crazy. His hair was disheveled and he looked slightly scared. His shirt which used to be tucked in was now wrinkled and dirty with his blood. The cause of it walking towards my cell now.

"Hey, little spider, show us something," Two guards, SHIELD issued guns tight in their grips. "Come on, show us what you got."

"Ca-Can you-you…please, lea-ve me alone?" He asked, more like stuttered. He didn't belong here, I knew for sure. He was too young. Maybe a visitor or something? Highly likely. I didn't want to interfere until I saw one of the guards lay their hands on his brown head of hair, gathering it in his large fingers before yanking his head back harshly. With my sensitive hearing I heard a slight tear of the scalp. That was all I needed.

"Hey," I demand their attention, still sitting cross-legged in my little spot, still staring at the marks I made on the white floors. Their heads turn to me," Leave 'em alone."

"And, what are you going to do, make us?" One of them asks and I shake my head.

"No," I mutter, finger tracing little patterns on the white tiles," I am going to break every single one of your fingers if you keep doing it though.

They paused for a minute, looked at each other with a smile before turning to me. I regard them with a blank stare.

"How are you going to get past this force field? Huh? Just cause you are the first of your _kind_ doesn't mean anything. I can still kick your arse," His British accent was thick and threatening. It would've meant something to any normal man. But I am not any normality but quite the opposite. The guards look at me with a bright smile before kicking the kid in the side of his leg. He winced but didn't get enough time to recover until the other man kicked him in the gut. It's rhythmic and they get so lost in it they forget me and turn to the kid with glasses. Something ignites me and I rise from my sitting position. I look at him and I see me. I see all those times I got beaten in a hallway with hundreds of people watching but not doing a thing. I see my face. I see my frail body. I see those innocent eyes with a fire of rage in them. I see those purple and blue marks on his skin and it reminds me of my own.

And I learn, if I am anything like my step-father or what he raised me to be, it was the part that wanted vengeance.

I place my hands on the force field and then the other, patiently waiting for their time. My fingers force themselves through, gaining loads of leverage before shoving it apart, making ample room for my body to fit through, it hurts my weary and sore muscles but I don't care. This kid, is more important than my own wellbeing. He deserves more. And I wish to give it to him. I tear through the containment field and once I do I run straight towards the two soldiers, sufficiently tackling one. The other one, too distracted by my onslaught to register what is going on. My hands move fast and quickly, one pinning him down and the other, with a death grip on his clenched fist.

"H-H-Ho-How?" The man stuttered and I regard him with a blank stare. He looks absolutely horrified as I begin to work on his fingers, as they snap and twist into painful and agonizing directions. He screams and I know that he has absentmindedly alerted other guards in the area. It doesn't matter though. I am in the process of getting some vengeance but yet there was one left. I turn towards the other. He is shocked and speechless but I become as such when something from behind him forces him into the wall adjacent. He isn't quite knocked out but has a serious migraine.

 _That isn't enough._

Not enough to satisfy the anger. I approach him, intent not written on my face whatsoever. I am too far gone and I don't realize it until I am pummeling the guys face in, my fist grows bloody and my face betrays some emotion. Voices sing in my head, triumphantly.

But those voices are cut off when someone tackles me and the next thing I see is black.

 **. . . . .**

"Steven Grant Rogers, you are accused of multiple accounts of attempted murder, larceny, the murder of multiple Hydra agents, threats, accusations against your director in a manner that is not spoken upon, and damage to government property. Do you object to any of these accusations?" The World Council, presented to me in all of their holographic glory. Agents and also agents in training attended this trial, some were learning how the criminal system worked in SHIELD. It was weird, being known as a test subject for students who needed to learn the ins and outs of a corrupt system but damn, if they wanted to learn I was surely going to give something to learn about. No matter how chained up I was. They had placed titanium handcuffs on me, locked my feet together but allowed enough movement to walk, placed a chain between the two limbs to keep me constricted, and a black jumpsuit with the SHIELD logo. I felt presentable, even though my position was lax and uncaring. There was a great amount of boredom to my face, a little attitude to my face, and respect in my posture. Fury regarded me with a blank stare at his position at the head of the oval shaped table, where high-ranking SHIELD agents accompanied him on either sides, witnesses and innocents found their place in booths on either side of the grand table. I, on the opposite side of Fury at the head of the table, was accompanied by five soldiers, one in the back and two on each side. It was uncomfortable with a man this close to me but I just shifted my weight to my other foot. Very uncomfortable. What else was also uncomfortable was the way everyone was staring at me including, Jane, Darcy, Thor, Bucky, T'Challa, Sam, the Parker kid I met in the hallway, who were seated in the right booths. Tony, Bruce, Betty, Pepper, and Bobbi sat in the left booths. It was ironic, really. And in the middle sat Maria, Natasha, Clint, and some other anonymous agents. It stung me for a bit to see Clint and Natasha seated so closely but the sight of the empty chair next to her sent a chill down my spine. I know who was supposed to sit there and killed me not to see them there. But the time of mourning has passed and it's time to face my judgement, but I can't help but feel that faded feeling of loss.

"I do not," I say quietly, the sight of her _not_ there killing my slightly heated vibe. And it's the fact that she should be there and I shouldn't be here is what weakens my spirit. Weeks of trying to not feel like a useless corpse gone, the feeling washing over me again like a cold shower.

"Can you provide any reasonable excuses for your actions?" The World Council asks and I decipher what to say but as I look for _the_ answer she catches my eye. Her face is stoic but even I can hear the intake of breath. It's the first time she's looked me in the eye in weeks and the sight is as glorious as the first time I saw them. It makes me forget about the past month with her, the betraying and the lies but it questions my answer. There's a difference between truth and what is right. I find myself desperately looking for that difference.

I look up to the World Council, "No, I can't."

That was a lie, most of the people here knew it, but the World Council didn't.

They all look at me, skeptically, and my posture sags slightly. There was no point. I was found guilty. I am guilty. Even if I did plead non-guilty I would be telling a tale so old that God had made it a sin. I feel guilty but I don't regret it. All of my actions had a purpose that I just refuse to speak out. Everyone else seemed to disagree with that, murmurs began to erupt from around the large room. Condescending judgment. They scorn me and I can't, I don't blame them. I'm clearly on trial, judgment is the only thing that should roam this room. I don't look for it in their eyes though, I don't look them in their eyes at all.

There was no point.

The World Council, Fury, and Coulson share glances before looking back to me," Can you attest for your actions in the hallway? Beating those agents to near death?"

I breathed in, guilt written over my face, unlike other things I couldn't hide it," No, I possibly cannot."

They paused at my answer and glanced at each other once more," You have sent both men to the infirmary. Do you care to send your apologies?"

My eyes travel up but my head does not follow, I respond lowly,"…No."

Murmur erupts again and someone yells 'Outrageous!'. I shake my head and resume my gaze back to the ground. Fury attempts to quiet them down but fails miserably. The Council shakes their head in disappointment and SHIELD agents in training begin to write furiously in their notepads.

" _How_? How in _the_ world did you break out of _that cell_?" Everyone paused at that question and looked back at me. The anticipation grows in me and I rock on the heels of me feet, slightly nervous. They can't understand, something whispers in my ear and I turn slightly, listening for more but nothing else comes. My voice of reason faded when I met my maker. And how I wish I could take it back but it gives me a slight chance, a chance to find my own words.

"…I guess it couldn't hold me back," There is more meaning to these words, more meaning than what was said. They know it, I know it. It was a statement of what was to come.

The Council seems to be at impasse and glare at each other with something cold in their eyes. Councilmen Yin looked at me directly, the silence of the room growing demeaning," And why, exactly, did you hurt these men?"

My eyes shoot to the Parker kid before refocusing back to a specific part on the floor. My brows furrow and I try to remember exactly what I felt at that moment. It was the same feeling I felt after I let Peggy slip between my fingers. "They were hurting him…"

"Can you speak louder, Mr. Rogers?"

" _They were hurting him_!" I roar and slam my clenched fist against the table and the occupants flinch harshly, I regret it and shy away. I am growing angry and I can't seem to direct it. Too much is running through my head. This trial, my emptiness, the traitor that was my first, and the lover that died for it all but didn't get a single damn piece of recognition for it. It makes my blood boil, it makes my muscles burn for the desire of vengeance in its purest form, it makes my eyes teary from what we lost, what I lost. And for some reason I am the only one who cares. The only one that mourns her. And it's beginning to piss me off.

"Will…Mr. Peter Parker come up to the witness stand?" Peter, his name, walked up to the stand, swore with his hand on the Bible, before taking his seat. I shoot him a quick look and back up slightly. From now on then, I put no more effort into what I say. "Will you please recite what happened in the hallway of the prisoner corridors?"

 _Prisoner_ , that is what I was now.

"Uh, I was going on a tour throughout the campus. SHIELD had wanted me to attend this college and I had accepted, part of the trip here was a tour. I had gotten lost and wandered in the prison hallways. How I got in? I don't know but when I did Agents Birmingham and Fife were trying to start a brawl with me. It seems I was quite the sight on television a couple of nights ago with an incident with a spider. They wanted their shot at me and Mr. Rogers, here stepped in and helped. How he got out of his cage is a mystery to me but what he says is the truth," He finished and I refuse to acknowledge his words. I was there, I know what happened but just cause I am a 'prisoner' I can't be trusted. I had nothing against Peter Parker, nothing at all, I actually like his spirit. I just don't like _this_. The situation is killing me.

"Seems to correlate with Mr. Rogers' statement," Councilmen Yin stated with a nod and I rolled my eyes," All who agree Rogers is guilty say aye."

Seventy five percent of the jury said aye and I flinch as if someone has smacked me.

"What are you doing?!" Someone from the audience shouts enough to attract my attention. I know that voice. "He was clearly defending this innocent kid against two of your egotistical, narcissistic agents! Steve Rogers is one of the greatest guys I know and his intentions are pure and good! You are just too blind by your ignorance to see it! He's doing the right thing, here, yet you accuse him to be guilty. He's not and if he was anything it would be a freaking guardian."

Bucky's words made my heart a little warmer.

"Yeah, I have to agree with prosthetics. Rogers, even though colorful, was just protecting the guy. Rules be damned," My eyes shoot up to Tony, the voice behind the words. And it surprises me, it actually almost knocks me off my feet cause he is actually defending me.

"Yep, what kind of common sense is it not to help an innocent acquaintance in need, huh?" Bruce asks and my eyes shoot to him also.

"I also agree. I would take any chance to help someone out!" Thor's voice boomed.

"Same here," Clint, surprisingly commented.

"What they said," Natasha states.

"Even though I still want to go to this school, I have to agree with the A-Team," Even the Parker kid cuts in.

The Council seems taken off guard and I smile. Thor, Bruce, Bucky, and Tony are all escorted out the room for disturbing it. And Natasha, Peter, and Clint are given a warning. It seems I have sparked a little defiance in the room and something ignites. The crowd roars with disagreement. Fury and Coulson try to tame them but they just rise.

"Seeing as you had motive behind your actions you will not be confided to your cell. Your sentence is too serve 1680 hours of SHIELD community service, monitored by one of the high court SHIELD agents. This court is dismissed," Councilmen Yin said with frustration and the guards begin to drag me back to my cell.

"I will not forgot this, Councilmen, remember this."

I can feel their gazes burning holes through my back and I smile wickedly.

…

They gave me a ball.

A freaking ball and I question whether or not they see me as a prisoner or a future bitch. Community service for ten weeks? They obviously have some sort of an agenda. It's SHIELD, wouldn't be them if they didn't have an agenda. Maybe it has something to do with the big thunder dome in the gym, the one they hadn't used and only finished building a week ago. Maybe it has to do with all the meetings Coulson and Fury have been having with the World Council. Maybe it has to do with the package Peggy was delivering until…the, uh, incident. I shake my head, still haven't gotten over that. I could've done more, could've been more but it wasn't enough. Sighing, I lean my forehead against the wall and begin to bounce the tennis ball on the floor, concentrating on that moment. I don't want to, honestly, but something was truly off in that moment. There is something there but I can't find it. All the trucks are SHIELD issued, bodies on the ground had SHIELD issued gear on, guns were SHIELD also, something about the location, the fact that the SHIELD soldiers were riddled not only with debris but bullet holes. Before I can think of anything familiar my gaze was brought back to that truck, tipping over the cliff, and my fingertips grazing the edge of it, before it fell…Into oblivion-

"Mr. Rogers?"

The ball finds its way into my grasp and my gaze shoots up towards a man, wearing a suit, holding a clipboard, and looking all the more like a lawyer. Next to him, is her. The traitor, the lover, whatever you want to call her. She stood there, stoic, emotionless gaze locked on me. I raise my eyebrow a little and turn my attention towards them.

"I am Walter Higgins, public affairs consultant to the World Council," He says to me in a firm voice before readjusting his glasses. I regarded him with a colorless smile.

"Steve Rogers, but you know that don't you," I say," I would shake your hand but if you can't see the force field here…"

"I got it, Mr. Rogers," He said with a smile. I shake my head and turn away, back to the objects scattered across my cell. It's a shame, really. "I am here to discuss the rules of your sentence."

"Ten weeks, yeah, I got it-"

"No, Mr. Rogers," The man sighs and looks away, triggering my look of confusion as I stalk towards the border which separates me from freedom," It is agreed that you are to serve ten weeks of community service…Under SHIELD's orders."

"What? You can't do _that_!" I take a step forwards but the containment field pushes me back, literally. Seems they made a few adjustments. "They can't hold me as their slave."

Walter shakes his head," They can, commissioned by the government itself. I am sorry, Mr. Rogers, you are to listen and obey every command, every tasks they give you, and if you try to defy…Punishment."

" _Punishment?"_ My voice rang with a darker tone that echoed without the room. I shoot Natasha a look and she looks away, I narrow my eyes before turning back to Walter.

"Yes, punishment, and you are to be monitored and taking orders from Mrs. Romanoff," Walter motions towards Natasha and I jerk forward. He flinches back but Natasha doesn't, she rolls her eyes and does something to the field separating us. A small hole opens up and she forces my wrist through it, her touch burns but I wait to be engulfed in flames. She slaps something on my wrist and I pull it back before the hole closes.

"Step five feet away from the field," She demands coldly and I push my body forward but instead it goes backwards and small amounts of electricity shoot through me.

It is coming from the bracelet.

I laugh humorlessly," You bi-"

"Stop talking," My mouth shuts automatically and my jaws clench with fury," Mr. Higgins you can go now…Your work here is done."

Walter looks at me before walking off.

I honestly feel sorry for the guy, forced to deal with me and all the other inmates the World Council deems unworthy and worthless slaves. Yeah, went from prisoner to slave in an hour. New record.

"SHIELD has a new project called the Avengers Initiative. Tests will be given to see if you are fit for the program. Fury wants you to be in it. Not a yes or no question. And yes, training will be ensued, starting from tomorrow until two weeks from now. You will pursue the rest of your missing assignments or in the process of. Your classes will be monitored by me or other SHIELD agents. You act out, rebel, or try to run that little bracelet will send enough electricity through you that it could black out the whole building. Got it?" I narrow my eyes. "Any questions?"

She knew I couldn't talk.

"Great," She smiled sarcastically. She tapped a button on her own bracelet releasing from my own bodily functional confines. I moved my mouth a little and watched as she began to walk away.

I grab my ball and begin to bounce it on the ground again.

 **. . . . .**

 **The Morning…**

"I am not doing this."

"Yes, you are."

My arms twitch up.

"Over my dead body."

"Don't make this complicated."

"Too late for that."

Natasha purses her lips and glares daggers at me with her eyes. It's unsettling but I stand tall. We have been going at this for hours and I have yet to work a muscle. She doesn't want to use the controller on me but I can see a small part in her eyes that say otherwise. We are ignoring it, that huge, fat ass elephant in the room. I don't want to talk about it and neither does she but I want to get rid of it. I want breathe my own air without feeling suffocated. She seems content with it though but I see the cracks through the wall she has built up. I don't like to assume Natasha's feelings because majority of the time I am wrong. I thought she gave a damn about me, thought she at least saw me before I became the talk of the town. But no, out of all the people…

She still can't see me.

She claimed to, at the party, but damn, I should've known that was a lie to get closer to me. She didn't see me. It was a lie. She hadn't known I had existed before she was tasked to watch over me. To her I was a fucking mission, nothing else. _Nothing at all_.

It makes me feel empty again, that gap that I had sown together over the course of the few weeks Peggy had been gone, torn apart. I feel raw and cold and empty and gone. I have that mantra in my head again, telling me it's useless, the defiance is useless, everything I am is useless. There is no point in standing. I sigh and shake my head. I am done. I jump up on the salmon ladder and begin to go up. It's easy, really easy, and I can't help but move into it.

"What gave you the change of heart?" She asks me, crossing her arms. She can't see what I see when I look at her, what I think, what I know. And if she did? She would understand everything but she can't and the world doesn't work like that. It isn't that easy. It never was. Whatever gave me the delusion is erased from my memory.

I don't respond.

Just keep going.

 **. . . . .**

"You rely on instinct…"

I dodge another blow before ducking under their arm, hitting them in a pressure point, before rising and back-fisting their face, knocking them out. Next one that comes up I leg sweep before backhanding him also. Sidestepping, I do a backflip and kick the guy in the face midair, he goes down with a thud but not before he does someone else comes up behind me. I elbow him in the face, duck, dodge a sweep, kick him in the thigh, weakening him, before I finally finish it and punch him dead in the face.

"That's good but you don't seem to trust your body, every time you throw or land a punch you falter in the assault…"

 _Shut up, please, for God's sakes._ I run through my mind. She was right though, every time I through a hit I hesitate and it takes away power. Now that I know that, thank you so much for that, I falter a lot more. I throw a punch but I hesitate and someone takes advantage and weakens my arm in the process. I whine a little but keep on my feet.

"You get distracted easily, don't let judgement falter you…"

 _Easy for you to say,_ there is a mantra in my head now. It's annoying and it does distract me. Someone punches me in the face.

"You are still getting distracted, your body movement is out of sync, stop thinking and just trust yourself…"

I fail, I am getting hit from every side. I get hit inside of my leg, next my face, then my chest, next abs, and it becomes an onslaught of powerful hits. Bruises already begin to form, senses begin to strain for some sort of insight, muscles spasm with unused power, and I begin to fall. The breath is knocked out of me and I land on my knees, trying to catch stolen breath.

"Yield," Natasha demands the SHIELD agents and they stop their onslaught. I don't look up, my eyes trained on a focal point on the floor that becomes more interesting than the blood staining my clothes. The agents disperse with a wave of Natasha's hand I wait for her approach. Hearing the clicking pf heels against marble floors alerts me and the sound of even breathing. She grabs my chin and forces me to look up at her. I believe she is analyzing the black eye or the busted lip, but no. She is looking not for what is wrong physically but mentally. I can tell by the way her eyes only lay wake to my own. She isn't trying to break me. No.

You can't break something that is already broken.

She is looking for that point, where I met Heaven and Hell and decided it was done. How such a strong man like myself is cracking so easily. There is still a fire in my eyes, no doubt of that, but something else is missing. I have grown tired of such meaningless fighting, it's time I face the music.

"Treadmill," She says, moving her fingers smoothly from my chin and backing away. She takes no mercy upon my beaten body and I nod along. Jumping to my feet, I make my way towards the treadmill, my muscles pulsing with aching pain. She sets it at a pace I am familiar with, something fast for a normal man but slow for someone like me. I breathe calmly as I go, it's nice and smooth. I like it. Over a good amount of time the speed grows faster and everything is all good and smooth until flashes cross my mind. Flashes of memories of running. And it takes me a moment to realize that I am re-experiencing that moment I am trying to save Peggy. My pace grows faster than the treadmill and my sight sets on something else.

" _Steve…_ "

Her voice is ringing through my ears, her testament that there was no other way, no other possible way to save thousands of lives.

"Steve," Natasha questions and takes a step closer.

I can see the truck, I swear it, and my pace goes faster. I know I can go faster. I know I can do better.

" _I am so sorry."_

My hand reaches out and I can feel the cool metal near my fingers but before I know it, I am going too fast for the treadmill to handle. My foot catches and I slip, my head landing on the handle with a hard thud. I groan, "Peggy."

Natasha rushes next to me and analyzes the gash on my forehead. Then it all sets, I grow angry and rip away from her touch. "I…I wasn't fast enough…I wasn't enough."

My hands find the broken treadmill before I throw it against the adjacent wall.

 **. . . . .**

First day and I already snapped. When did I become so pathetic? I roll my eyes as Natasha sets the number on the containment field to officially lock it. This tension between us so thick that I would have to cut it with a chainsaw just to get through it. My anger towards her has died down so significantly that I couldn't give two shits if she slapped me. Yeah, she betrayed me, she lied to me, but why should I care anymore? She has shown no signs of emotion towards me, no cracks in the cold-blooded killer façade. And if she doesn't care, why should I? And that's the thing, I can't help but care. Someone great once said forgive but don't forget. I try to live by those words but life doesn't make it easy. _She_ doesn't make it easy. She was angry with me, I could tell every time she gritted her teeth when I did something 'bad'. It shouldn't even be classified as bad when it's just rebellious. Earlier when I was chewing on the bitch bracelet she gave me she electrocuted me with more than necessary electricity. And as she began to walk away I remembered that there is a point in life where enough is enough.

"No."

She keeps walking away.

"No! You can't walk away! You have absolutely no right to do this, to act this way towards me!" I yell at her, leaning myself against the containment field. She falters in her next step. It's time. I break the silence with a roar of my pain. This, this is about more than the bullshit she put me through today. "Everything in my life has turned out to be a lie, you and Fury practically planned to kill me, you made me kill an innocent women, and she…"

The tears I worked so hard to bury come back up again, burning against the back of my eyes.

"We lost something in the process," My voice cracked and I look away from her. It's all coming back to me, all those emotions and tears that I buried along with her figurative body. All these weeks of progress turned worthless when this moment hits. "…She was your friend too."

My voice is broken and I slide against the field, down to the floor.

"Even though you hid it you liked her too. She was like a sister to you," Tears begin to roll down my cheeks and my voice breaks with every word," I don't understand…Why aren't you hurting like I am? This pain…it's worse than any wound or any torture. And pain? Pain demands to be felt…How can you not feel it? Cause I feel it…Every single damn minute."

I run my hands through my hair as the tears begin to rain. Banging my fist against the floor I choke out a sob. All those held up emotions break through like a dam. I can feel it rippling through me like waves, crashing through my being over and over again in stronger currents. Next thing I know the force field is going down and hands wrap around my arms, pulling me back against a warm front. My eyes shoot up to see Natasha, her mask off and raw emotions replacing it. She's hurt but tears don't break through like mine. She's sniffling a bit but that's all and somehow that's enough. I find myself moving into her embrace, crying my heart out into her shoulder. Peggy's gone and there's nothing I could do about it. Nothing I could've done but maybe, just maybe I can finally find peace in what she left me. Maybe. And the answer may be right underneath me. As she weaves her small fingers through my hair I look up at her.

"I miss her too."

 **Sorry for the wait, I have been terribly busy lately and inspiration wasn't coming as easy. Thanks for being patient. Sorry for any mistakes and for the first time in a long time I am asking for some reviews. This story, I believe has four or five more chapters left so if any of you have requests please PM or just put it in the review section.**

 **Thank you all for sticking with me.**


	10. I Am Waking Up

"Corridor 3, clear."

My chains rattle and whoever holds me readjusts the catch pole.

"Report, multiple hostiles up a head, prepare Prisoner 279."

I want to grit my teeth at the name but the restriction masks covering my face stops me. I don't understand why they are going to such extreme to keep me contained. It pisses me off.

Natasha walks up to me, my eyes shoot towards her in agitation as she takes off the catch poles. Next, she removes the cuffs but leaves the bracelet on.

"Steve-," She says but an agent comes up to correct her.

"His essential name is Prisoner 279. I suggest you use it," He says and I gnaw at the guard separating my teeth, something to help alleviate all the pent up anger.

"With all do with my utmost non-existent respect for you…Fuck off, Agent Cole," Natasha says, never taking her eyes off me with a small reassuring squeeze on my wrist. She couldn't show it through her words, but she cared. I try to reciprocate but if I make direct contact with anyone other than the enemy I get _punishment_. Seems I was there bitch but to her, I was her equal. And the knowledge, it made me warm inside. With my head, I nod, only to her, my anger dissipating for the briefest of moments to show her that I cared _too_.

"If it were ever the worst time to be making googly eyes with your boyfriend, this is the worst. You wouldn't show this much disrespect with Agent Barton now would you?" Agent Cole interjects, nudging me in the back of the head with my catch pole. I make to move towards him but Natasha is more lithe and faster. She head-butts him, hard enough that he gets knocked on the ground.

The surrounding SHIELD soldiers tense at the situation but don't intervene. I look at her, eyes wide, but she doesn't seem affected, her face is emotionless. Shameless. For some reason I am glad she was my first.

"Steve, we need you to go in there, and beat the shit out of all of them. Got it?" I nod, wanting to smile but the mask restricts it. "We are going to be covering you."

I look at Agent Cole. She doesn't spare the bitch a glance.

"He will stay here and think about his life decisions. Don't get hurt…Or shot. Now, go," She says and pats my back lightly in the direction of where I need to go. Not that many soldiers, some armed, mainly side pieces. I can take that. I turn back towards her, watching her admonishingly as she began to take charge, stepping intentionally over Agent Cole's writhing body.

"I'm taking point."

 **. . . . .**

I walk through the room, crouched, silently creeping to try and see the best advantage point. Alas, I can't find one. They all have their backs to the wall, eyeing the center of the room. I can't risk going out in the middle, I could get shot. Can't sneak up on them either.

I sigh and my bracelet shocks me. It hurts bad enough that I hit my face mask against the railing of the steps I crouch behind, alerting the soldier closets to me.

"Hey!" He aims his gun at me but before he could fire a shot the lights go out. Thank God for Natasha Romanoff. I shoot up, my hand shoving the barrel of the gun to the side before furiously shoving his head against the wall. He isn't dead. I am…relieved. But there isn't time to stand still. I move quickly, from man to man. It's swift and quick, I am conscious of the heavy metal encasing my wrist, it weighs me down, more than it actually is. I can feel the small pull of it towards every living enemy. Natasha had told me the bracelet had a list of my missions, with the small pull towards my objectives. I found it annoying and agitating.

Wrapping my arms around the last guy's throat I pulled my arms together, taking his breath away.

The lights immediately turn back on and my eyes adjust to the brightness. The SHIELD Agents and soldiers come into the room, analyzing my work, before turning back towards me. I stand there, breathing a little heavier than usual, arms useless against my side, and my bracelet buzzing like crazy to get back to my watchers. My eye catches the risen Agent Cole, who is proceeding towards me at a fast rate. I want to put my arms up but he, being the leader of the group had the remote and my catch pole. I knew it was coming when I saw the pole twist between his fingers, my eyes widen and they shoot towards Natasha before he starts to beat me with the pole, yelling at me to get down. That's the thing, I can't get down, he had ordered me to stand still and didn't withdrawal the order, therefore, I am stuck with a beating I don't deserve. She can't see it. I know she would've stopped it though if she did. She was too busy hacking into the central database computers to find camera footage of what happened on that hill top.

He's relentless and he orders me to be quiet, not to alert her. So, I close my eyes and just think of those eyes.

 **. . . . .**

 **SHIELD University…**

"Good morning class," Mr. Kelvin says and I make my way to the seat in the back, Natasha in tow. I hear her yawn behind me. I wish I could yawn, just to represent how tired I am getting of this monotonous bullshit. I've gotten to the point where I can't yawn. It's physically impossible. So instead, I walk through with a mask on my face, placing a fake smile on for my classmates, and laughing when someone tries to say something so desperately funny just to make light of the situation. I admire them but I can't feel the same. I can't feel their happiness when there is so much sadness corrupting me. No, Peggy had not been erased from my thoughts, she was the first thing on my mind, every morning before I forcedly shoved her back. Mourning was over, it was time for action.

Natasha and I took our seats, placing our bags to the side of our stools and getting to work on the project due by the end of the semester. It was funny, honestly. About six months ago, I sat next to her and had a pretty interesting conversation. Never knew it would lead me here, sitting next to her as mutual partners and friends. I would consider us. I wouldn't consider us anything less; we've been through so much that it would literally be unreal if we weren't. I wanted more. I didn't know what but my emotions and thoughts when it came to her was so conflicted, like a war was rumbling deep down inside my heart. I wish I could sort it out. Unclench my heart from the unrelenting grasp of life.

"Mr. Rogers, any ideas…?" Mr. Kelvin walked up towards me, eyes flashing quickly towards the bracelet wrapped around my wrist. Fear. My head tilted to the side involuntarily.

"Uh, no, not yet, sir," I shake my head, closing my eyes for the briefest of moments as to come back down to Earth," Been kind of busy, sir."

He scoffed, amused," No shit."

My head turns to him and I feel the pull of the bracelet, forcing me from any sorts of violence against people inside the school.

"No offense, Steven," He shook his head and held his hands up in defense," Pulling your leg..."

He placed his hand on my shoulder and I flinched back, the bruise still there. Natasha's eyes shoot towards me. I try to regain whatever semblance I had, my reigns. Flashes of a red-faced man, crossed through my mind, and I felt slightly dizzy. Something was coming. And I knew damn well it was coming for me.

"Sorry, sir, just pulled something there." It's a terrible lie but he nods nonetheless, knowing I just want to be rid of this awkward encounter. "Still…a little…sensitive…"

I sigh," Can I-I go to the bathroom?"

"Yeah, for sure."

I shoot up from my seat, knocking it over. I mutter an apology and make my way towards the communal. I can feel him. Feel his skin. Feel his blood coursing through me. Feel all the behavioral modifications fighting my conscious. It's almost blinding, honestly, dissuading me from walking straight. The walk to the bathroom was difficult on its own, almost knocking into some guy with red goggles on. Some Scott guy, didn't matter though when I tried to splash some water on my face. It wasn't enough. It felt like my skin was setting ablaze, his blood fueling the fire and his behavior modification being the fire. It hurt. Burned. And my skin felt like it was charring. So, quickly, I turned on the water in the shower and stepping him. The cold water, felt amazing, nulling the pain to point where I could bare it. And it wasn't just that. It was the fact that it was amplifying the pain of my fading bruises. Alice James once said _Physical pain however great ends in itself and falls away like dry husks from the mind, whilst moral discords and nervous horrors sear the soul._ I can't help but feel that utterly true. My wounds would heal but it will always leave a scar.

"Hey, this is the men's lock-!" Someone shouts and the door slams hard against the wall.

"Get out," A familiar female voice demanded and I sigh. I hear a gear shift and I know she's locked the door to before her shoes start smacking against the floor, whilst approaching me. She rounds the corner of the stall and is taken aback by the sight of me sitting on the tile, one leg folded underneath the other, water pouring down my head and soaking my clothes. I'm curious as to what she is going to do. I know she isn't going to get herself but contrary to popular belief I am not always right. She doesn't hesitate when she steps in the water fully clothed. She looks me over, analyzing me through the shower of water flowing so greedily down our faces. She looks so beautiful; her hair ignited by the steely grey tile surrounding us, her eyes which are so green seemed to be like an island in the flood of water running water. I drink her in and before I know I get drunk, reaching out my hand I grasp the base of her jaw, feeling it flex with surprise at my touch, before latching my lips onto her own. She reacts immediately, hands bracing themselves against my chest. Her hands are cold, icy like, but it feels good mixed with the cool water. I swipe my tongue on her bottom lip, asking for an entrance and when she gives it to me I strain my neck to get a better angle. I feel a little odd. I feel hot, the burning sensation replaced with heat.

"Steve…," It comes out as a rasp when our lips detach to suck in a good amount of air before diving back in. She's pushing against my chest but I'm too high to realize such. Too high to feel the small sparks of electricity against my wrist. She pushes harder and I move my lips down to her jaw, then her neck.

" _Steve_ ," She says it more sternly this time but not before her breath hitches when my teeth scrap against the joint between her shoulder and neck. "The bracelet."

That catches my attention and brings me out of whatever drug induced haze I was in. We are in a very dangerous situation. She can't give me an order to stop. I am not to make direct contact. Water. Electricity. Combined. Makes me a dead man. She fishes the controller out of her pocket before hovering it over the bracelet; I tense, waiting for the sensation of a million needles pinching me. It doesn't come. The bracelet snaps off, the red light switching to green. A sigh of relief escapes me but it distracts me for a good amount of time for her to pull the sleeve down on my shoulder, revealing it bare. I flinch back but she catches, and I want to leave her grasp cause I can feel the tiny drops of water hitting the tender spot.

"He did this, didn't he?" I don't respond. Just look away. "Forced you into being quiet? Told you to kneel when he forced you to stand; therefore, making it seem as if you were disobeying his orders."

She was telling herself more than me, trying to go over what she missed. She's scolding herself, blaming herself. I can feel it when her grasp on me loosens.

"When? How?" She asks, gaze never leaving my shoulder.

"Doesn't mat-," I can't finish.

"Answer the damn question, Rogers," She demands. I hear it in her voice. She's hurting, as if my own wounds were inflicted upon her.

"Yesterday when you were in the other room, finishing the mission," I sigh and she shakes her head.

"…How?" It's a quiet question and I know she knows the answer. She just wants me to say it.

I wait for a moment, breathing in heavily," The, uh, catch pole."

She shoots to her feet," Son of a bitch," her intent is written across her face like words. In very big letters. Before she can make it out the shower I snatch her wrist. I can feel her anger. I could measure up to it too. But it's… _beautiful_. Her pulse, underneath my fingertips beats with a slight rapidness, her face is emotionless but I can see the cracks, the twitch of her eye lash, the cute little upturn of her nose in a fraction of a snarl, and a small wrinkle decorating her forehead with hurt meant for me. I smile at her, it's small but it's reassuring. Other than her anger I feel her hesitance. She wants to stay. She's fighting herself, her instincts are fighting her heart. And it amazes me to see that she cares so much. She wants to defend me but she also wants to stay with me. I must say it is a challenging decision. So, I make it for her. I kneel before her, wet hair falling uselessly against my forehead, before rising. Her focus doesn't waver from me. I don't waver from her either. Even if I tried I couldn't look away from her. I tilt her chin up with my index finger. She has her wall up and I know I'm not ready yet either. I slide my hand up her neck, cupping her jaw, it's softer than before, without the dangers of intoxication and inebriation. She begins to shake her head and miraculously I can see her. _Her._

"Just one," She says, it's a rasp and if I wasn't super-human I wouldn't have been able to hear it.

I nod, hesitant,"…Just one."

She, on the other hand, doesn't hesitate. She goes full force, placing her lips on mine, clutching a fist full of my wet shirt. I weave my fingers through her wet hair, pushing it behind her ear. This is it. My moment of peace through my never ending war. An island in the flood. Her lips are sweet, like the strongest drink but the sweetest taste. I try to drink her up as much as I could in the shortest of time. She doesn't let it last, even if I'm clutching onto her for dear life and she's pulling me impossibly closer with both fist lost in my shirt. She turns her face away, my lips chasing after her own.

"Nuh uh," She says and that fist in my shirt turns into her palms, pushing me against the shower tile until my warm back hits the cool wall. She turns around, bends down, tempting me, and grabs the bracelet.

"No," I say, I've gotten a taste of freedom and I don't want to let go.

"Yes," She says and holds it uselessly on her index finger, expecting me to put it on. No thanks.

"How about we get a silver bracelet from the nearest store, get a little paint and tape, and get on with life," I sag against the wall with hope that she might care about me enough to do so. That's the thing though; she cares about me enough not to get me in a heap of shit. She smiles a little, her eyes flickering to my lips before turning back to my eyes. She looks a little more questioning than before and approaches me slowly. I know her game. I've been studying it ever since I met her. I study her for a bit, the delicious way she bites her lip, her eyes blown with desire, her cheeks slightly flushed with arousal. I can see it. And I can hear the monotonous beat of her heart. _Bump…Bump…Bump._

I'm entranced by her. And I can't possibly deny her. Hesitantly, and a little regretful, I hold out my arm. She smiles happily at me and slaps the bracelet on my wrist. I sigh. My chance of freedom diminishes quickly. And I look down at the item of my despair. It distracts me enough to not see her come up to me in a flash of lightning and place her lips on the very corner of my lips. And without another look towards me she leaves.

 **. . . . .**

I toss the blank canvas to the side of my cell along with my bag. Useless, I sigh. I have a meeting with Fury and the division team from last night to go over the mission. I don't want to though. Can't necessarily say I regret it either.

My wet shoes squish against the linoleum floors of my cell as I strip myself of my wet clothes and throw them to the ground in a wet heap. Someone would come by and get them later. I honestly didn't know what to do now. Working on the art project was a no. Working out was a most definite no. I'm tired. Tired of everything, honestly. I just want a break from reality for a bit.

"279, you have visitors," The guard sighed. I shook my head before quickly putting on some dry clothes. The sound of multiple footsteps echo through the quiet corridors of the prison, my ears perk and rise at the sound. It's odd, the halls are usually so quiet with silent grief, a void of emptiness was more fitting.

"Hello, Sir Steven," Thor greets me first, multitudes of baskets filled with fruit, books, coloring books, and all sorts of entertainment. I am curious as if when this was allowed before the rest begin to greet me. Darcy and Buck are hanging close, big bright, tainted smiles on their face. Jane is next to them, card in hand. T'Challa is leaning against one of the posts, nothing but a natural swagger about him. Sam is chill next to Thor, helping keep the fruit and other miscellaneous items in the big basket.

I can't help but smile at the sight of them," Hey guys, what's all this?"

"A gift, dumbass. What does it look like?" Sam interjects with a small smirk, his frustrations clear with trying to keep the shit in the small basket. I smile at them, grabbing the multitudes of items from them and placing them in the room.

"Thanks."

"We'd love to hang out but there's a mandatory meeting we got to go," My face immediately turned into something of disappointment but I nodded nonetheless.

"Yeah, course, see you guys later."

They soon left, the guard escorting them out. Steve lent against the force field for a moment, taking in and cherishing the moment he just had.

Things, things were looking good.

 **Elsewhere. . .**

"He's being persuaded by the red head, you can easily see the admiration in his eyes when he looks at her. He killed Goliath for her."

Johann thought that over for a brief moment, never turning away from the footage of Steve and Natasha walking to the lunch room. His vision grew teary, disappointment clouding his head with the knowledge of betrayal.

"What is your decision, sir?"

He waited a moment, hand coming to cover his mouth, and a tear produces itself from his eye which violently turn red.

". . .Take her. . . Take her from him. I am done waiting on him."


End file.
